What advice for saving my marriage?

My wife of 11 years is wanting out of our marriage. She is the love of my life and my soul mate (that is what I feel), and i desperately want to save my marriage. This started last year when I got involved in a chat room on my cell that led to some phone calls that I should not have made. Althought I did not do anything physically with anyone or myself, I know it devistated her. We sought counseling and were doing ok, but in Jan., after a string of bad things happening in her life (aunt died, dad very ill, mom treating her badly, her business doing bad, and her dad dying) she said she wanted out. In Feb. she told me she was seeing someone, although that is now over (she says). I have forgiven her completely and she says she has forgiven me, but she still wants out. She says I need to grow up and be more assertive. I am still seeing our counselor, but she is not. Can anyone give me some advice? i love her so much and I am desperate. Please help, esp. if you have a sim. situation. ThanksWhat advice for saving my marriage?
This girl has had tons of problems. She needs time to heal. Promise to let her go if she goes to counseling for 6 weeks or whatever time you need to find out what is going on. File for separation instead of divorce. Some people I know have been legally separated for years and never divorced. I say as long as you are legally bound, there is hope. Good Luck!!What advice for saving my marriage?
If someone can go, let them. the truth is she is probably still involved with someone else. Some women can't really forgive cheating even if they say they do, It is very hard to trust again, once that trust has been betrayed. Let her go, continue your counselling and see what happens, you may find that you don't want her to stay. Good luck.
Unfortunately, once trust has been broken, its been broken. The relationship she had that is now ';over'; she did because she wanted you to see how it felt. She also thought that it would make her feel better, when she saw that it didn't, she ended it.





She wants out, she's hurt. If you've both forgiven each other and can't work it out, would be best to walk away while you don't hate each other. But you have to show her. If you are serious, I would disconnect the computer, sell it. Change the number on your cell phone. Show her you mean business and will do anything to save your marriage.





She says you are not assertive enough. That is code word for get some balls with me. I would think anyways. The best advice I can give you is to try and regain what it was that the both of you fell in love with to begin with. Revisit some of those old things you ';used to do'; when you were dating and newly married.





Above all get down on your knees, not literally but metaphorically.





My last advice is, maybe ask her to remarry you and start over. Before you divorce, ask her for a separation. Anything to give her more time to think about what she's doing.





Good Luck
Sounds like you had an emotional affair first. And really that can be just as bad as a sexual affair. Continue to see the therapist. You may have to come to grips with it just being over. She obviously has a lot of hurt from you and other pain in her life. If you love her stand by her just don't smother.
wow..my girl is going through now what your wife went through, except we've only been together a year, all i can say is dude, try to rekindle that old spark you once had, some old gifts, memories, that old fire only the two of you have got, make her remember before it's too late and show her you've changed..good luck.
If you think she should be doing anything different, you will upset yourself. By loving her and letting her go, you may see a better situation for you. Two people living together when one of them doesn't love is torture.





When my ex left I was devastated. But now I see, after the bad feelings have gone that we did not have a sustainable relationship.





No matter what someone does to you, you can still love them for what they teach you, if you're willing to learn. That sure beats staying uncomfortable wanting something you cannot have despite your best efforts.
by just talking to other woman you can ruin a womans thoughts and feeling about her own securitys as a wife. It is an awful feeling to be in a place where you think you are not good enough for you husband because he choses other avenue's for his affection. (yes chatting is considered cheating because the time you took away from your wife while you were chatting she can't get back) After the trust is gone in a marriage it is one of the hardest things to get back. Love of your life or not, you have to love her enough to let her go. (old saying ) if she comes back she's yours, if she doesn't she never was.
i dont know that is a hard one.... i am not in a similar situation although i am married and we have some issues but were happy. i guess talk to her ask her is there anything that can save your marriage tell her you willing to do anything. and ask her to go to counseling again with her. she is going through alot right now and she might be under a lot of stress be there for her emotionally ...just try to rekindle the relationship and try to ask her to seek marriage counselor for a couple of months before she really decides if she wants a divorce or not. but it sounds like she needs a lot of emotional support. anyways i don't know if i helped but that is all the advice i can give you.
People grow apart. Your chat room/phone call thing is not really a reason for a divorce, unless you are looking for a reason.





You can not force someone to be with you.
11 years is a lot of time, effort, energy %26amp; relationship to just THROW AWAY. We don't know all the ins %26amp; outs of your relationship of course but you mention she asked you to be more assertive. That's a biggie for me in my marriage too and we have been thru some tough times this past 2 tears too. Counseling %26lt;both%26gt; too - which helped me, but not him so much. Things that needed forgiving %26lt;still working on that part%26gt; - I KNOW where you're coming from.





Ultimately though it's tough if BOTH of you aren't willing to save the marriage and BOTH of you aren't in counseling and BOTH of you aren't willing to stick it out - cuz you can't save it alone!





Maybe you need to somehow SHOW her in a way that you must know she needs - that you are being more assertive, aggressive and strong. Certainly it's worth the effort because you express your deep love %26amp; desire for this marriage to work - then GO that xtra mile and dig down and SHOW her. We've read a great book called ';5 Love Languages'; that has helped us a LOT - becuz we all need, show %26amp; express love %26amp; expectations in different ways and it really points out what you each need and how to do it and be there for eachother.





Also, I don't know how verbal you are - but I always need my husband to be 110% more verbal %26amp; expressive than he generally is and that is a HUGE problem for me/us. How often do you sit down %26amp; SHARe feelings and show love %26amp; concern about her feelings and needs and show her how you want to fulfil her needs by communicating OFTEn with her about it? Does she need more physically intimacy, need gifts, needs more quality time, needs you to DO things for her %26lt;these are 4 of the 5 love languages%26gt; and you need to find out what her primary one is and BE THAT for her 150% NOW - or you may not have a chance of saving this.





That's why it's hard to give or take advise on here because we don't know all the different aspects of a situation or person to fully advise anyone. BUT I do understand and sense your desperation - perhaps SHE isn't aware of how desperately you love her, need her, want her and want to save your marriage. If not you need to let her know - show her, tell her - give her the time, attention etc that SHE needs to make YOU WORTH staying for. I'm sorry that I couldn't help you more - I wish you the best and I think there is ALWAYS hope because I think marriage is worth fighting for. The grass is SELDOM greener on the other side and you usually just exchange these problems for other problems with a different person who you DON'T have the investment in like you do with this marriage. SO remind her that you two have invested a LOT of time, effort %26amp; love into this marriage and it's worth fighting for if you want to reap the rewards in the long run..... SORRY for such a long answer... I'm VERY verbal!!! LOL
It sounds like she has found herself. Anyone going through what she gone through will take a good and long hard look at their lives and then decide what they really want out of it.





Give her time and space. While you are apart, grow up and be assertive, and show her that you can be the man that she wants to be with.





Good luck.
All I can offer you in consolation. My ex recently left me after 10 years and a son together. He said that he ';just wants to be happy'; and apparently wasn't happy with me. I've made mistakes as well, as did he. I was willing to try counseling, he wasn't. It hurts like hell but I had to let him go. I'm 3 months out and I'm slowly feeling better although I have my bad days. The truth of the matter is there is really nothing you can do to make someone want to be with you if they've made up their minds to leave. The best thing you can do is continue with your therapy and be the best you that you can possibly be. Forgive yourself for the mistakes you've made and move forward in a postive way. It hurts but I promise that things do get better. If you want her to maybe reconsider in the future then you have to make a concerted effort to respect her decision to leave, move forward with your life (make yourself happy, healthy and whole alone)... and then you never know what the future might hold.





I understand that this probably isn't easy to hear. I wish I or anyone could tell you something to take the pain you're feeling right now away, but that's not how it works. It's a process and you really will get through it and be okay.





You are a perfectly perfect person as you are. I understand how having your wife tell you she wants you and loves you and wants to stay together would make you feel loved and worthy, but you already are loved and worthy. All you need is you. And you have to start there.





All the best. You're not alone.