I am a youngish 40 something who is successful in every area of her life (work, the arts, friendship), except romantic love. I took ab. a three month break away fr. dating after a weird, heartbreaking string of bad dating experiences or short-lived encounters with a guy with serious control issues, a guy who turned out to be basically a player (or as they say in Trinidad, a sweetman), and a guy who only wanted to relate to me on the telephone.
Lately, I have been attracting guys who don't fit these profiles--thank God. Having done a lot of soul searching and healing, I am ready to start dating. These guys must sense it, so now I am starting to be asked out. This is not a coincidence.
I just don't want to make the wrong choices again. I have had good relationships in the past, so I don't know how things got so badly off track. Sometimes I think it is bec. I live in NYC, but I think this stuff happens everywhere. How do you avoid the controllers, players, and unavailables?Especially ppl who are in strong marriages or ltrs: any advice or tips for a woman ending a dating break?
In general, I believe that we tend to attract others based on the type of energy we put out, and where we go looking for prospective partners.
It sounds to me like you are already on to one very valuable lesson about finding a good partner, and need only a simple reframe to reshape your negative experience into this little gem of a positive:
Don't spend much energy trying to work out if he is the right guy to date. Spend the energy while you date him and ask yourself if he is acting right. Be prepared to drop him fast if he gives you any cause for concern. It's much easier to do this if you have little or no emotional commitment to the idea ';he's the right guy'; ahead of dating him.
Yes there are controllers and players, and it is no surprise you keep coming across them because they are generally single and doing their best to latch on to their next unsuspecting partner. That is why you keep meeting them! You can't avoid that reality but can tell them where to get off.
With that bit of general advice out of the way here are some great specifics.
Look at what needs and factors need to be met through a relationship
1) Spiritual
2) Emotional
3) Communicative
4) Financial and Material
5) Ideological
6) Attitudes to having/wanting children
7) Physical attraction
8) What do you need to be able to trust.
and others you can define for yourself.
When you date someone, ask yourself how they measure up. Any deal breakers? Does it look like its all good? It helps bring back some objectivity to the ';pink fluffy stupid'; stage where you think you have so much in common because you both happen to vote democrat and enjoy toast.
Lastly (almost lastly), for most of us, a long term relationship happens after several short term ones, which isn't a bad thing, just think of them as practical learning experiences, and kiss those ex's forward and wish them luck in their own quests. Sooner or later a one weeker becomes a one monther, and slides into a year.
You can't know ahead of time if that is what will happen, but you can tell in real time if your needs are being met and that is a better way to have good relationships than worrying about how long they will last.
The (real) last thing I'd say to you is to try meeting people through activities for which you have a passion, or suggests dates that involve something you have a passion for. You won't find many ';playas'; putting in 2 hours in a soup kitchen, at least not on the serving side of the bench. You won't find too many chauvinists at a womens rights meeting. Do things you enjoy for their own sake, and because theres a chance of meeting a guy on your wavelength. You have everything to gain from the activity and the possibility.
There are no mistakes, only choices (which are mostly limited only by our awareness of them) and how you deal with ';what happens next';. Don't be afraid of new prospects, don't be afraid of ending short term relationships that don't work. Sooner or later you will find one that endures for the right reasons.Especially ppl who are in strong marriages or ltrs: any advice or tips for a woman ending a dating break?
Our life consist of Fall %26amp; Rise things..but with those we learned from all obstacles that hinder along the way. I myself on my late 40's still in the verge to strugle life afar from my achievements in life and yet when it comes to heart i felt so unlucky hence i don't lose hope that someday magic ( i do believe on it,if your meant to be) may come my way or if not ready to embark being alone in my entire life and yet still happy even not as much as it is having someone in daily life in this world. We can't have everything in this world, God always have plans for us.
Indie,
The only thing I can tell you is what happened between Ronnie and I, 38 years ago. When we finished that last dance, I kissed her on the forehead for reasons unknown to me to this day. That moment is when she decided that we were getting married. I did not find out until later. I, also discovered, that is was the correct thing to do. I would not have done it any other way.
Remember the song, ';Some Enchanted Evening';. Look up the words. It sets the truth into music and words. Yes, you will meet a stranger across a crowded room. Your toes will curl and his eyes will appear to be confused, but you two were meant for each other.
With all hope and love,
Bill
Saturday, January 9, 2010
Advice......I know i still care for my husband but i'm not sure i still love him, ten years of marriage you?
would think i would know if i love him. I'm not sure because i'm not happy, there's no enjoying things with him, we barely talk.
We have 3 children ages 4,8, %26amp; 16. we both work so were busy. I just can't figure out if it's just a rutt or if i want more, need to move on. Or maybe he wants to move on and just don't want to be the bad guy.
I don't know...........I'm just sad and don't know what to do and don't want to get a divorce if this is just something people go through after marriage and kids for so long. Anyone else ever felt this way, or been through this?? Please help.Advice......I know i still care for my husband but i'm not sure i still love him, ten years of marriage you?
Bunny I'm right there with you! Married 17 years, kids ages 15, 12, 8. As far as a ';marriage'; we have none. We're basically living seperate lives in the same house. Very very busy with kids, work, and not much time for anything else. When we get some free and/or kidless time we don't even attempt to spend it together. BUT no real issues: we are friendly, no fighting, abuse, drugs, kids are all great, we just have no husband/wife relationship anymore. It just seems to have gradually slipped away over the years. Thought about leaving but that sounds pretty selfish. And not much help here on Y!A - lots of ';kids'; and folks with unrealistic/fantasy ideas about how marriage really works out. Alot of people I've talked to (in the real world) have gone thru the same thing. It seems to hit after 10 years / when your in your 40's, but if you can suck it up most say things get better when you hit 50 or so (not sure what another 10 years will do to me though...!). It's just very lonely - not really at all what I envisioned marriage would be. Kinda tough too since early in our marriage my wife had some emotional problems and I invested alot of time and make life/career choices centered on what I thought would make her happy. She's much better now, but come to find out that you cannot make someone else happy - only they can do that for themselves.
Sorry to ramble - and no real solution or advice, other than to let you know you are not alone in this and its fairly common. But I think it will get better if you two can stick it out thru the dreaded 40's / teen years... Good Luck!Advice......I know i still care for my husband but i'm not sure i still love him, ten years of marriage you?
If there is no enjoying things about him, why are just there waiting for the enjoying things to happened to you? Would it be better if you, yourself make an enjoying things for him or for the whole family, whats the use of you two both working? Isn't it for the sake of the family to have an enjoying life?銆€
This is what happens when there's limited communication, or none at all.
I think, if anything, you need to just talk to him. I think it might just be an emotional stage, but that's my opinion. There's no way of clearing things up between you 2 if you don't talk to him.
I would think about just living with this feeling rather than thinking about leaving. You already know what it's like to be with him, how sure are you about what you will find after him? Are you that sure that things will be better for you?
It sounds to me like you both are bored AND busy. You really need to spend time alone. Get a sitter, go out and try to spice things up. I bet he'll be happy you did!!
Show this to your husband - then TALK TO HIM!
You should be talking to him not asking us.
You could watch the movie ';Fireproof'; with your husband or read the book ';Love Dare'; on your own.
Aw. I'm sorry you're having a rough time.
The first thing I need to tell you is that love is not a feeling. Love is a commitment. I know it's easier said than done, but I've heard it said that sometimes in a marriage, the only way it lasts is because both people are determined to make it so. In other words, no matter how you feel, you made a commitment to this man and you need to follow through on it!
So here's what you need to do. Talk to him. Tell him how you're feeling--underappreciated, overlooked. It's entirely possible that you two speak different ';love languages,'; and these feelings of being overlooked are caused by simple miscommunication. Read the book ';The Five Love Languages'; by Gary Chapman, let him read it, then discuss it together. Once you both figure out your own love styles, you can more effectively communicate love in the way you treat each other.
That's the long-term situation. In the meantime, another thing to do would be to ship the kids off to Grandma's for a few days, get a hotel room, and have a second honeymoon.
Believe me, divorce isn't the answer here. It's definitely a hard thing to do, but you and your husband have the power to save your marriage! You will be so glad that you did! Good luck!
You want to move on? That is not an adult reaction. When you have problems like this you are suppose to fill in your spouse. Tell him how you have been feeling lately so you two can work this out together. There is nothing that will make me stop loving my husband of 15 years. He is a good man with a good heart. He is very hardworking and supports his family. If you are not sure if you love this man why did you marry him? You have a family and are thinking of moving on. That is very selfish and you should consider finding time for you and your husband. Go on a date and actually talk to each other. Limited comminucation is one of the primary problems here. Don't blame it on work and not seeing each other that shoudl make you want him even more and crave time with him and the family.
I haven't been through this, but if you are not sure if it's just a rut or if you want to move on, stay put.
You should aim to be close to your husband at least three times a day - that can either be a hug, sitting next to each other on the sofa, or having an intimate dinner.
The only way you can know what's going on in his head is if you two talk - he may be able to sense that things aren't right already.
Don't make any rash descisions here, a divorce is really tough on children and it would be a shame if you went through this process then regretted it. Marriage and love are a commitment that takes alot of hard work to keep going - and you obviously know there's something there to stay with your husband through 3 children. Do everything you can to keep this marriage alive, whatever it takes, because if the time comes that it really is the end there should be no emotion behind yur descision - you shouldn't feel sad about it because you should know you and your husband have done everything you can to make the marriage work and it still wasn't enough. Good luck!
Bunny,
It doesn't sound like the marriage is really the problem but I do think you both have lost sight of why you got married in the first place.
The two of you need to get some alone time make a date in those diaries that appear to be running you lives, and sit down and TALK.
You may actually find you are both frustrated in your relationship for the same reasons. Then you two can reconnect like you both desperately want to do, and together make some plans as a couple and move you life forward.
Yes you both are in a rut but it doesn't have to be this way, work together to break the pattern that your lives have fallen into.
rediscover you passions and rediscover your passion for each other, i think you both have lost your selves in this life that has grown up around you. You both need to reconnect your self so you can reconnect to each other.
Then you can be honest about what you want in your life and what you want in you relationship.
If this doesn't work for you get professional help and do the work. what you will get on the other side is a stronger more loving marriage and kids who will know how to make a marriage work.
I think the to of you need to take a romantic weekend and get away for at least a few days and reconnect and rediscover each other.
I know you will do well and that things will make a turn for the positive for you, your husband and your family.
Best wishes to you all.
Hiya Bunny,
To me it just sounds as though you both are in a rut, you have a busy life, you dont talk, so your not feeling happy or loved.
What you need to do is make time for yourselfs apart from the kids where you two can sit down and chat... Communication is a big part of marriage, adult communication.. set yourselfs times and everything kids in bed by this time, this is our space where we talk about whats gone on during the day..
or try and get a sitter and have a romantic holiday weekend if u cant afford that, have a romantic weekend at home with candlelit dinners and re start it like your dating all over can be a lot of fun..
good luck x
i think that you both are so used to being parents and taking on that role that you forgot how to be husband and wife. you need to focus on yourself and ur husband. i mean if your USED to not being romantic with eachother then it just turns into a habit-- and then you get used to it and its now a part of your life you know? i think you both just need a vacation to SEE if you can rekindle it. sometimes kids take over your spouse. give that a try, maybe ur right, maybe your no longer in love with him but u can atleast try.
We have 3 children ages 4,8, %26amp; 16. we both work so were busy. I just can't figure out if it's just a rutt or if i want more, need to move on. Or maybe he wants to move on and just don't want to be the bad guy.
I don't know...........I'm just sad and don't know what to do and don't want to get a divorce if this is just something people go through after marriage and kids for so long. Anyone else ever felt this way, or been through this?? Please help.Advice......I know i still care for my husband but i'm not sure i still love him, ten years of marriage you?
Bunny I'm right there with you! Married 17 years, kids ages 15, 12, 8. As far as a ';marriage'; we have none. We're basically living seperate lives in the same house. Very very busy with kids, work, and not much time for anything else. When we get some free and/or kidless time we don't even attempt to spend it together. BUT no real issues: we are friendly, no fighting, abuse, drugs, kids are all great, we just have no husband/wife relationship anymore. It just seems to have gradually slipped away over the years. Thought about leaving but that sounds pretty selfish. And not much help here on Y!A - lots of ';kids'; and folks with unrealistic/fantasy ideas about how marriage really works out. Alot of people I've talked to (in the real world) have gone thru the same thing. It seems to hit after 10 years / when your in your 40's, but if you can suck it up most say things get better when you hit 50 or so (not sure what another 10 years will do to me though...!). It's just very lonely - not really at all what I envisioned marriage would be. Kinda tough too since early in our marriage my wife had some emotional problems and I invested alot of time and make life/career choices centered on what I thought would make her happy. She's much better now, but come to find out that you cannot make someone else happy - only they can do that for themselves.
Sorry to ramble - and no real solution or advice, other than to let you know you are not alone in this and its fairly common. But I think it will get better if you two can stick it out thru the dreaded 40's / teen years... Good Luck!Advice......I know i still care for my husband but i'm not sure i still love him, ten years of marriage you?
If there is no enjoying things about him, why are just there waiting for the enjoying things to happened to you? Would it be better if you, yourself make an enjoying things for him or for the whole family, whats the use of you two both working? Isn't it for the sake of the family to have an enjoying life?銆€
This is what happens when there's limited communication, or none at all.
I think, if anything, you need to just talk to him. I think it might just be an emotional stage, but that's my opinion. There's no way of clearing things up between you 2 if you don't talk to him.
I would think about just living with this feeling rather than thinking about leaving. You already know what it's like to be with him, how sure are you about what you will find after him? Are you that sure that things will be better for you?
It sounds to me like you both are bored AND busy. You really need to spend time alone. Get a sitter, go out and try to spice things up. I bet he'll be happy you did!!
Show this to your husband - then TALK TO HIM!
You should be talking to him not asking us.
You could watch the movie ';Fireproof'; with your husband or read the book ';Love Dare'; on your own.
Aw. I'm sorry you're having a rough time.
The first thing I need to tell you is that love is not a feeling. Love is a commitment. I know it's easier said than done, but I've heard it said that sometimes in a marriage, the only way it lasts is because both people are determined to make it so. In other words, no matter how you feel, you made a commitment to this man and you need to follow through on it!
So here's what you need to do. Talk to him. Tell him how you're feeling--underappreciated, overlooked. It's entirely possible that you two speak different ';love languages,'; and these feelings of being overlooked are caused by simple miscommunication. Read the book ';The Five Love Languages'; by Gary Chapman, let him read it, then discuss it together. Once you both figure out your own love styles, you can more effectively communicate love in the way you treat each other.
That's the long-term situation. In the meantime, another thing to do would be to ship the kids off to Grandma's for a few days, get a hotel room, and have a second honeymoon.
Believe me, divorce isn't the answer here. It's definitely a hard thing to do, but you and your husband have the power to save your marriage! You will be so glad that you did! Good luck!
You want to move on? That is not an adult reaction. When you have problems like this you are suppose to fill in your spouse. Tell him how you have been feeling lately so you two can work this out together. There is nothing that will make me stop loving my husband of 15 years. He is a good man with a good heart. He is very hardworking and supports his family. If you are not sure if you love this man why did you marry him? You have a family and are thinking of moving on. That is very selfish and you should consider finding time for you and your husband. Go on a date and actually talk to each other. Limited comminucation is one of the primary problems here. Don't blame it on work and not seeing each other that shoudl make you want him even more and crave time with him and the family.
I haven't been through this, but if you are not sure if it's just a rut or if you want to move on, stay put.
You should aim to be close to your husband at least three times a day - that can either be a hug, sitting next to each other on the sofa, or having an intimate dinner.
The only way you can know what's going on in his head is if you two talk - he may be able to sense that things aren't right already.
Don't make any rash descisions here, a divorce is really tough on children and it would be a shame if you went through this process then regretted it. Marriage and love are a commitment that takes alot of hard work to keep going - and you obviously know there's something there to stay with your husband through 3 children. Do everything you can to keep this marriage alive, whatever it takes, because if the time comes that it really is the end there should be no emotion behind yur descision - you shouldn't feel sad about it because you should know you and your husband have done everything you can to make the marriage work and it still wasn't enough. Good luck!
Bunny,
It doesn't sound like the marriage is really the problem but I do think you both have lost sight of why you got married in the first place.
The two of you need to get some alone time make a date in those diaries that appear to be running you lives, and sit down and TALK.
You may actually find you are both frustrated in your relationship for the same reasons. Then you two can reconnect like you both desperately want to do, and together make some plans as a couple and move you life forward.
Yes you both are in a rut but it doesn't have to be this way, work together to break the pattern that your lives have fallen into.
rediscover you passions and rediscover your passion for each other, i think you both have lost your selves in this life that has grown up around you. You both need to reconnect your self so you can reconnect to each other.
Then you can be honest about what you want in your life and what you want in you relationship.
If this doesn't work for you get professional help and do the work. what you will get on the other side is a stronger more loving marriage and kids who will know how to make a marriage work.
I think the to of you need to take a romantic weekend and get away for at least a few days and reconnect and rediscover each other.
I know you will do well and that things will make a turn for the positive for you, your husband and your family.
Best wishes to you all.
Hiya Bunny,
To me it just sounds as though you both are in a rut, you have a busy life, you dont talk, so your not feeling happy or loved.
What you need to do is make time for yourselfs apart from the kids where you two can sit down and chat... Communication is a big part of marriage, adult communication.. set yourselfs times and everything kids in bed by this time, this is our space where we talk about whats gone on during the day..
or try and get a sitter and have a romantic holiday weekend if u cant afford that, have a romantic weekend at home with candlelit dinners and re start it like your dating all over can be a lot of fun..
good luck x
i think that you both are so used to being parents and taking on that role that you forgot how to be husband and wife. you need to focus on yourself and ur husband. i mean if your USED to not being romantic with eachother then it just turns into a habit-- and then you get used to it and its now a part of your life you know? i think you both just need a vacation to SEE if you can rekindle it. sometimes kids take over your spouse. give that a try, maybe ur right, maybe your no longer in love with him but u can atleast try.
What advice can I give my friend who is dating a man that left her after 21+ years for a arranged marriage?
Her ex boyfriend is from Africa and has been leaving in the US. He recently left my friend after 21+ years for a arranged marriage. The one thing thats bothering me, is my friend and him are still ';TOGETHER'; like nothing ever happend. They were boyfriend/girlfriend about to get married. Then he dropped and told her he's getting married to a woman from Africa. His new wife lives here in the Statres also. He still tells her he loves her. They still go out. They are both acting like nothing has ever happend. He is a married man and as a friend I'm sick over this. Any advice I can give my friend? She doesn't deserve this!What advice can I give my friend who is dating a man that left her after 21+ years for a arranged marriage?
Wow. That is horrible. Any man who would even think of doing that to me would be shot - by me.
However, your friend is a grown-up and is fully aware of the situation. She consented to the terms of their relationship and there's not much you can do about it. If one day she chooses to end it, just be there for her. Till then, she has a right to choose what she believes makes her happy.
.What advice can I give my friend who is dating a man that left her after 21+ years for a arranged marriage?
i am sorry you are worried but in truth to be a real friend you can do nothing but be their when it all gets too ugly for her.sometimes to be a true friend is to say nothing until you are asked for your opinion and when that day comes and it will simply ask why doesn't he respect you
it sounds like a marriage of convenience .... nothing more
if everyone is happy
I would just stay out of it
maybe the man doesnt want the other woman and is just with her because of force. i understand how hard this could be though
It sounds like it's basically a marriage for show, especially seeing as it's arranged. If everyone's happy with the situation, why change it? Although, if the wife doesn't know, I can't say I'd be terribly impressed...
If she is OK with it, don't interfere...!!!
why should you worry if they are happy with it ......
Nobody who has dated a dinosaur has ever been dumped.
Wow. That is horrible. Any man who would even think of doing that to me would be shot - by me.
However, your friend is a grown-up and is fully aware of the situation. She consented to the terms of their relationship and there's not much you can do about it. If one day she chooses to end it, just be there for her. Till then, she has a right to choose what she believes makes her happy.
.What advice can I give my friend who is dating a man that left her after 21+ years for a arranged marriage?
i am sorry you are worried but in truth to be a real friend you can do nothing but be their when it all gets too ugly for her.sometimes to be a true friend is to say nothing until you are asked for your opinion and when that day comes and it will simply ask why doesn't he respect you
it sounds like a marriage of convenience .... nothing more
if everyone is happy
I would just stay out of it
maybe the man doesnt want the other woman and is just with her because of force. i understand how hard this could be though
It sounds like it's basically a marriage for show, especially seeing as it's arranged. If everyone's happy with the situation, why change it? Although, if the wife doesn't know, I can't say I'd be terribly impressed...
If she is OK with it, don't interfere...!!!
why should you worry if they are happy with it ......
Nobody who has dated a dinosaur has ever been dumped.
Help! I need advice. I am unhappy in my marriage, and I have been feeling this way for quite some ..?
I have been feeling this way for quite some time. Ive' spent 7 years of my life with this person, but i am so unhappy. We do have a child together, which I think even makes it harder to leave. I am tired of always being the one that does everything. From cooking, to cleaning, etc... I also do have a full-time job, and my day is not done until my son is in bed. It's just very frustrating that he does not help me out enough. Money is also an issue..... I'm almost sure that I do not want to spend the rest of my life with this person. I'm so confused!!!!!!Help! I need advice. I am unhappy in my marriage, and I have been feeling this way for quite some ..?
You are not unhappy in your marriage, you sound unhappy with your life. See a doctor and get help for depression.Help! I need advice. I am unhappy in my marriage, and I have been feeling this way for quite some ..?
sometimes you don't always make the right decision, but sometimes you have to make the decision right. you have a child together. there was something there in the beginning otherwise you would have never gotten together in the first place. maybe try counseling to get back to where you used to be at one time. its a least worth a try for your baby. if it doesn't work, at least you made an effort.
People tend to overuse the word ';confused';. You're not confused, you're very clearly frustrated, unhappy and stressed. You can try a conversation with him leading to marriage therapy and try to get your marriage back on a mutually satisfying track, or you can leave. This is up to you.
First talk to him if you can. If you honestly feel strongly about leaving then you and your child should go. Think of your child first, is he a decent step dad? alot of women feel they have all the burdens of any marital relationship. I suggest to you to look up Dr. Laura, she can be quite crude, but very correct with relationships,give har a try before giving up. good luck,
Seven Year Itch. You need a break. Take some time for yourself AWAY and see if you still feel this way. Everybody is having financial problems right now, and this can have a MAJOR effect on your relationship.
If you still feel this way, then yes you should divorce him.
When you get fed up the confusion will go away and you'll regret wasting so much time being miserable. Hmm, I would think having a child would make me want to be strong enough to show him how to be happy!
Life is short, leave while you can still start over.
Leave him. You and your kids will thank you later. Don't waste your time anymore.
Maybe he what's you to leave to but he's not saying it,if you leave first he will not have any guilt....
Have you tried... you know... TALKING to him?
live for your kid and try to improve things
Hunny I'm so sorry that you are feeling this way.
But to be honest with you made a vow for better or for worse and right now you are in the worse part of it.
Have you tried talking with him about your feelings? It sounds like your husband walks all over you when it comes to responsibilities of doing house work. but for someone to walk over you, you have to lay down and become a door mat!
So get back up on your feet give him a list of responsibilites and tell him that you work full time you are too tired to do them all and then stop doing what you asked him to do. Make him do his own laundry and if he doesn't well then he can have durty clothes
Try going and seeing a counselor. Take a wkend or a week long trip just the two of you do something romantic. Change your everyday life. Find why you fell in love..
Don't just decide to leave your husband, the father of your child cause you're unhappy..
Work on it.. fix it.. the ball is in your court what are you doing to do!!!bridal make up make up tips
You are not unhappy in your marriage, you sound unhappy with your life. See a doctor and get help for depression.Help! I need advice. I am unhappy in my marriage, and I have been feeling this way for quite some ..?
sometimes you don't always make the right decision, but sometimes you have to make the decision right. you have a child together. there was something there in the beginning otherwise you would have never gotten together in the first place. maybe try counseling to get back to where you used to be at one time. its a least worth a try for your baby. if it doesn't work, at least you made an effort.
People tend to overuse the word ';confused';. You're not confused, you're very clearly frustrated, unhappy and stressed. You can try a conversation with him leading to marriage therapy and try to get your marriage back on a mutually satisfying track, or you can leave. This is up to you.
First talk to him if you can. If you honestly feel strongly about leaving then you and your child should go. Think of your child first, is he a decent step dad? alot of women feel they have all the burdens of any marital relationship. I suggest to you to look up Dr. Laura, she can be quite crude, but very correct with relationships,give har a try before giving up. good luck,
Seven Year Itch. You need a break. Take some time for yourself AWAY and see if you still feel this way. Everybody is having financial problems right now, and this can have a MAJOR effect on your relationship.
If you still feel this way, then yes you should divorce him.
When you get fed up the confusion will go away and you'll regret wasting so much time being miserable. Hmm, I would think having a child would make me want to be strong enough to show him how to be happy!
Life is short, leave while you can still start over.
Leave him. You and your kids will thank you later. Don't waste your time anymore.
Maybe he what's you to leave to but he's not saying it,if you leave first he will not have any guilt....
Have you tried... you know... TALKING to him?
live for your kid and try to improve things
Hunny I'm so sorry that you are feeling this way.
But to be honest with you made a vow for better or for worse and right now you are in the worse part of it.
Have you tried talking with him about your feelings? It sounds like your husband walks all over you when it comes to responsibilities of doing house work. but for someone to walk over you, you have to lay down and become a door mat!
So get back up on your feet give him a list of responsibilites and tell him that you work full time you are too tired to do them all and then stop doing what you asked him to do. Make him do his own laundry and if he doesn't well then he can have durty clothes
Try going and seeing a counselor. Take a wkend or a week long trip just the two of you do something romantic. Change your everyday life. Find why you fell in love..
Don't just decide to leave your husband, the father of your child cause you're unhappy..
Work on it.. fix it.. the ball is in your court what are you doing to do!!!
Dating a marine for 3 months. He's talking marriage/Kids in 2 yrs. Any advice?
I ended a long term relationship 4mo ago. I have a 2yr old from that relationship. The Marine has a 6 yr old that lives states away. I Like him but don't know about Love yet. we only see each other about once or twice a week bc we live 45 mile apart. (both of us are moving soon and it will be only baout 15 miles apart) We text or talk on the phone a lil in between. I think I'm more into him than he is me right now but he says stuff like I miss you and he cuddles and is attentive to me when we are together but doesn't really keep me informed about what he is doing or where he is at when we are apart. I haven't told him this bothers me bc i don't want to seem nosey. I'm trying to deal with it but It drives me crazy to not hear from him for over a day. My phone is my life, he never has his on or the battery always dies. He also drink w/ his buddies %26amp; parties pretty hard a few times a month. I don't really do any of that. It hurts me to think we need to stop seeing each other but if it's not ment to be I would rather decide now that later. Should I just stop trying to be with him and find someone else or tough it out bc things will change when we can see each other more?Dating a marine for 3 months. He's talking marriage/Kids in 2 yrs. Any advice?
I was personally through a divorce and have two kids from it. I am now very happily married again and my wife just had a beautiful daughter.
When I started dating after the divorce I attempted to have a relationship only 4 months after we separated. I told myself that I was OK and that it was not a rebound thing, but looking back on it now, it was exactly that.
We all need companionship, caring, and affection, especially when we have broken off a long term relationship. That does not mean that it is bound for marriage and it also does not mean that you need to make a decision on it right now. You are allowed to enjoy what you currently have without thinking of where it will lead.
When I look back on my situation I think that the best thing for me would have been to stay out of a long term relationship for a while and regain my sense of independence and self, that is sometimes diluted in a long term relationship.
My current relationship started very lightly and SLOWLY became deeper and more intimate.
In summary... take it one step at a time. You are in a difficult emotionally charged place...its time to think short term.Dating a marine for 3 months. He's talking marriage/Kids in 2 yrs. Any advice?
you need to talk to him and tell him how you feel if your not ready you need to tell him because he might think your leading him on if you keep this going and when the time comes and you say your not ready it could really hurt him that's if he is true and sincere about marriage.
Personally, I would try talking to him about how you feel about everything. Make sure you explain it to him also.
Best wishes.
SEMPER FI!
If he is this way now- when dating, its very possible that he remains that way if you guys were to be together long term or get married. Then again- its also possible that he might change once he really starts to like you more. The thing is with us women is, we tend to think that the men we are with will change someday, and most times they do not. So you go with what your heart is telling you, and you'll eventually make the right decision. If he is not the one for you, Mr. Right will come along someday, hopefully sooner than later. Good luck!
I was personally through a divorce and have two kids from it. I am now very happily married again and my wife just had a beautiful daughter.
When I started dating after the divorce I attempted to have a relationship only 4 months after we separated. I told myself that I was OK and that it was not a rebound thing, but looking back on it now, it was exactly that.
We all need companionship, caring, and affection, especially when we have broken off a long term relationship. That does not mean that it is bound for marriage and it also does not mean that you need to make a decision on it right now. You are allowed to enjoy what you currently have without thinking of where it will lead.
When I look back on my situation I think that the best thing for me would have been to stay out of a long term relationship for a while and regain my sense of independence and self, that is sometimes diluted in a long term relationship.
My current relationship started very lightly and SLOWLY became deeper and more intimate.
In summary... take it one step at a time. You are in a difficult emotionally charged place...its time to think short term.Dating a marine for 3 months. He's talking marriage/Kids in 2 yrs. Any advice?
you need to talk to him and tell him how you feel if your not ready you need to tell him because he might think your leading him on if you keep this going and when the time comes and you say your not ready it could really hurt him that's if he is true and sincere about marriage.
Personally, I would try talking to him about how you feel about everything. Make sure you explain it to him also.
Best wishes.
SEMPER FI!
If he is this way now- when dating, its very possible that he remains that way if you guys were to be together long term or get married. Then again- its also possible that he might change once he really starts to like you more. The thing is with us women is, we tend to think that the men we are with will change someday, and most times they do not. So you go with what your heart is telling you, and you'll eventually make the right decision. If he is not the one for you, Mr. Right will come along someday, hopefully sooner than later. Good luck!
Is it naive or stupid to wait till marriage to have sex? For a guy? I'm a 20 yo male virgin. Advice?
Sure; take the risk of getting a girl you don't want to marry pregnant or get a disease that will take days or more to recover.
Have sex with some girl who will expect that to mean you're entirely and exclusively hers and try to end that relationship.
Or have sex with a girl then find out she's got a boyfriend or husband and now your in deep pooh.
Sex is fun, but having it outside of marriage comes with too many consequences.Is it naive or stupid to wait till marriage to have sex? For a guy? I'm a 20 yo male virgin. Advice?
if you and your future wife are both virgins until marraige, neither of you will be dissapointed by the end.Is it naive or stupid to wait till marriage to have sex? For a guy? I'm a 20 yo male virgin. Advice?
It is not stupid to wait till marriage. Just think how wonderful it will be for you and your wife to be the first and only with each other. Just knowing there is no one on earth that has touched either of you in such a personal manner is spine chilling. We most definately should teach our children to respect themselves and not to have sex with anybody till you are married.
No by you being a virgin you are honoring God with your body. There is nothing wrong with being a virgin. You will be so much more blessed by keeping that way.
Absolutely not stupid. Do not listen to people who would like to take over your thinking for you. Your decision shows that you are a thoughtful, reflective person who is trying to figure out what it really means to be a human being rather than what popular media tells us we are.
People are not to be used as toys or lab rats to be toyed and experimented with for pleasure or curiosity even if they are willing.
Make your own decision for your own reasons. Be true to yourself.
I waited, I'm very happily married. To confuse things creates distrust... Absolutely none of the marriages I know are better for having prior relationships, except for those few who truly have learned to love without lust.
The Spirit is all one, let your love for others be principally through that...
Bodies are for the development of the species in degrees of the respective kingdoms, and should not be construed as the be all, end all, at any moment. Current times call for a trustworthy monogamy for most to be happiest in this life, other times require different things, but this is our time.
God bless.
It may be naive, but not necessarily stupid. However, there are a few things you may not have considered. If you're like many people your age, you may not marry until you're 30 or older. Do you really wish to go without sexual intimacy for another decade?
As for the whole ';sex outside of marriage is a sin,'; that's a crock and I think you know it. If the godsters genuinely believed it then there wouldn't be nearly so many divorces.
In the end, you have to go with what works for you. If you don't want to, you don't have to. But don't hold back out of fear. It's a waste of life to use fear as an excuse to avoid risking your heart.
Just have sex already, you only have one life. Live it.
it is better to wait and not be confused by your feelings than to do it and wonder for the rest of your life why you didn't wait.
It's only naive or stupid if you consider it to be so. I don't. I think it is an admirable thing to do, and very difficult. My advice would be to keep doing what you're doing. You have no idea how much religious girls dig that guys wait for their spouses. You will earn major hubby points with your future wife if she shares your beliefs.
Yes, because contrary to what you have been taught, sex outside of marriage is NOT a sin. The only sin is if you have sex with a married women.
';SEX OUTSIDE OF MARRIAGE IS A SIN';
Is it? Fundamentalists would have us believe it. But the Bible is unclear. In Exodus, chapter 20, we read the Ten Commandments, and are told that we should not commit adultery. Adultery however is not defined as simply having sex outside of marriage. It's defined as having sex with a married person. Nothing is said to prohibit sexual relations between two unmarried people. In fact, if we look in the book of Leviticus, we are given a list of every situation in which we should not have sex. We're not to have sex with married people, or with family members, or with animals. We are not, however, prohibited from having sex with an unmarried person who is not in our family.
A few people have interpreted Deuteronomy 22:13-21 to be against pre-marital sex, but when we actually read what's there we see it's about lying and bringing disgrace to one's father, not about sex. In these verses a man is given a bride by another man, and then goes to court to claim the woman was not a virgin. The verses then say that the bride's father must prove she was a virgin. If he can prove it, the new husband is fined for bringing shame upon the bride's family by claiming he was given a faulty bride. If she cannot prove she's a virgin, then she is put to death for being a harlot while still in her father's house. Notice that there is nothing said about the man not being a virgin, and there are no equal punishments brought against men. Why? Because this is not about having sex. It's about a woman who is still considered property, meaning she lives in her father's house and is being given to another man (in exchange for money), taking it upon herself to sleep around and thus destroying her value as a bride worth selling. In this case, the woman having sex brings shame to her family by making the father out to be a liar when he accepts money from a man who wants to bed down with a virgin. In short, while having sex outside of marriage is not forbidden by the Bible, the women not being honest about it brought dishonor to her father, which is a sin according to the Ten Commandments.
Another verse, often quoted by itself to condemn sex outside of marriage, is Exodus 22:16, where we read ';If a man seduces a virgin who is not betrothed, and lies with her, he shall give the marriage present for her, and make her his wife.'; But when we look at the verse immediately following, we get a whole different picture. In verse 17 we read, ';If her father utterly refuses to give her to him, he shall pay money equivalent to the marriage present for virgins.'; Just like the Deuteronomy reference we can clearly see this is not about sex, but rather is about destroying a commodity - a virgin daughter who can be sold for a price. In these Exodus verses it's spelled out even more clearly. There is no mention of immorality, nor is the man who seduces the woman penalized for having sex before marriage - only for having sex with a virgin, and even then his only penalty is to pay the father what the woman would have cost as a virgin.
Some places in the bible, such as Mark 7:21, state that ';fornication'; is a sin. Fundamentalists like to interpret that as meaning ';sex outside of marriage.'; It's not true. The Greek translation identifies ';fornication'; as being any ';illicit (illegal) sexual activity.'; However, as we saw above, God did not mention sex between two unmarried people as being illicit. Interesting. And, in fact, we read in 2 Samuel chapter 5 where some of God's greatest leaders, such as King David (whom God called a man ';after his own heart';), had hundreds of wives and hundreds of unmarried concubines (women kept in the house for the purpose of having sex). None of these were considered sins. It is only when David had sex with another man's wife (2 Samuel 11:1-5) that he committed the sin of adultery.
';SMOKING IS A SIN';
Like other so-called sins on the Fundamentalist list, there is no mention of smoking in the Bible. Rather Fundamentalist minds have decided that smoking is a sin based on 1 Corinthians 3:16, where we are told that our bodies are the temple of God. However, what most Fundamentalists forget, or never knew to begin with, is that in Matthew 15:11 Christ specifically says that it's not what goes into the mouth that defiles the body; rather it's what comes out - such as hate, evil speech, and lies. see fundys.com for more info
Well, are you Christian? If so you should know not to.
The commandment thou shall not commit adultery is rather clear. If you trust that you won't turn to a different woman after her then what's stopping you from getting married?
I hope you take my advice on waiting for marriage.
Do what you want. Freewill is good.
It's neither naive nor stupid. If a man does not feel ready to start his sexual activities before marriage, there will be no harm done.
I don't think it's stupid or naive at all - I'm also a 20 yr old and I've decided to wait until marriage. I think it's something you have to decide for yourself and just accept. Thinking you're bound to do so because of religion is one thing, but actually believing in it and abiding by it is another.
I'm glad to hear that I'm not alone in this - I was getting frustrated that people saw waiting as an old-fashioned or outdated notion, but knowing that others share this viewpoint is reasurring.
Would you buy a car without kicking a few tires?
I think it's stupid to be running around on Maury to find out who is the father of your seven children that you got while test driving and crashing.
I've asked a related question two times in the past year and one half. Both times I asked if anyone wished that they had intercourse before they did, and in only one case did I ever hear anyone say they wish they had done it sooner.
For those who waited until they had marriage, not one person said boy they wished they had sex earlier.
It's only something you regret while you are waiting, or after you have started, if you can't get it again. But, if you wait for the right person, you will be glad that you waited.
What you are experiencing is the world teaching you that you have to give in to your desires and that it's unhealthy to wait.
Advantages to waiting
Virtually no risk of STD or AIDs
No child created outside of a marriage
Your first time will be extra special and much more memorable
I think it's a personal choice. It can be damaging if you only do it because others expect it of you. But if it's something you want for yourself, then to wait or not to wait should be your choice.
Not stupid at all. You have saved yourself from helping produce an unwanted child and getting various sexual diseases. Some deadly.
And they say the cost to being a religious person out weighs the benefits of finding out what happens after we die.
Enjoy all the sex you can while you are young. As we age the equipment deteriorates.
Looks like there's a wide range of opinion on this subject. I'm with those who say wait til marriage. I wish there were more young men (and women) like you.
The idea doesn't have to be marriage. Society just uses that institution to define what you should be looking for. A loving special relationship with someone you want to be connected to forever on the deepest level imaginable. That is what sex should be, a deep spiritual connection. If you need that to be defined first with a state and/or church sanctioned piece of paper, then that's ok too.
What if you marry her and she sucks in bed? And I don't mean in a good way. LOL thumbs down? You people are insane.
Have sex with some girl who will expect that to mean you're entirely and exclusively hers and try to end that relationship.
Or have sex with a girl then find out she's got a boyfriend or husband and now your in deep pooh.
Sex is fun, but having it outside of marriage comes with too many consequences.Is it naive or stupid to wait till marriage to have sex? For a guy? I'm a 20 yo male virgin. Advice?
if you and your future wife are both virgins until marraige, neither of you will be dissapointed by the end.Is it naive or stupid to wait till marriage to have sex? For a guy? I'm a 20 yo male virgin. Advice?
It is not stupid to wait till marriage. Just think how wonderful it will be for you and your wife to be the first and only with each other. Just knowing there is no one on earth that has touched either of you in such a personal manner is spine chilling. We most definately should teach our children to respect themselves and not to have sex with anybody till you are married.
No by you being a virgin you are honoring God with your body. There is nothing wrong with being a virgin. You will be so much more blessed by keeping that way.
Absolutely not stupid. Do not listen to people who would like to take over your thinking for you. Your decision shows that you are a thoughtful, reflective person who is trying to figure out what it really means to be a human being rather than what popular media tells us we are.
People are not to be used as toys or lab rats to be toyed and experimented with for pleasure or curiosity even if they are willing.
Make your own decision for your own reasons. Be true to yourself.
I waited, I'm very happily married. To confuse things creates distrust... Absolutely none of the marriages I know are better for having prior relationships, except for those few who truly have learned to love without lust.
The Spirit is all one, let your love for others be principally through that...
Bodies are for the development of the species in degrees of the respective kingdoms, and should not be construed as the be all, end all, at any moment. Current times call for a trustworthy monogamy for most to be happiest in this life, other times require different things, but this is our time.
God bless.
It may be naive, but not necessarily stupid. However, there are a few things you may not have considered. If you're like many people your age, you may not marry until you're 30 or older. Do you really wish to go without sexual intimacy for another decade?
As for the whole ';sex outside of marriage is a sin,'; that's a crock and I think you know it. If the godsters genuinely believed it then there wouldn't be nearly so many divorces.
In the end, you have to go with what works for you. If you don't want to, you don't have to. But don't hold back out of fear. It's a waste of life to use fear as an excuse to avoid risking your heart.
Just have sex already, you only have one life. Live it.
it is better to wait and not be confused by your feelings than to do it and wonder for the rest of your life why you didn't wait.
It's only naive or stupid if you consider it to be so. I don't. I think it is an admirable thing to do, and very difficult. My advice would be to keep doing what you're doing. You have no idea how much religious girls dig that guys wait for their spouses. You will earn major hubby points with your future wife if she shares your beliefs.
Yes, because contrary to what you have been taught, sex outside of marriage is NOT a sin. The only sin is if you have sex with a married women.
';SEX OUTSIDE OF MARRIAGE IS A SIN';
Is it? Fundamentalists would have us believe it. But the Bible is unclear. In Exodus, chapter 20, we read the Ten Commandments, and are told that we should not commit adultery. Adultery however is not defined as simply having sex outside of marriage. It's defined as having sex with a married person. Nothing is said to prohibit sexual relations between two unmarried people. In fact, if we look in the book of Leviticus, we are given a list of every situation in which we should not have sex. We're not to have sex with married people, or with family members, or with animals. We are not, however, prohibited from having sex with an unmarried person who is not in our family.
A few people have interpreted Deuteronomy 22:13-21 to be against pre-marital sex, but when we actually read what's there we see it's about lying and bringing disgrace to one's father, not about sex. In these verses a man is given a bride by another man, and then goes to court to claim the woman was not a virgin. The verses then say that the bride's father must prove she was a virgin. If he can prove it, the new husband is fined for bringing shame upon the bride's family by claiming he was given a faulty bride. If she cannot prove she's a virgin, then she is put to death for being a harlot while still in her father's house. Notice that there is nothing said about the man not being a virgin, and there are no equal punishments brought against men. Why? Because this is not about having sex. It's about a woman who is still considered property, meaning she lives in her father's house and is being given to another man (in exchange for money), taking it upon herself to sleep around and thus destroying her value as a bride worth selling. In this case, the woman having sex brings shame to her family by making the father out to be a liar when he accepts money from a man who wants to bed down with a virgin. In short, while having sex outside of marriage is not forbidden by the Bible, the women not being honest about it brought dishonor to her father, which is a sin according to the Ten Commandments.
Another verse, often quoted by itself to condemn sex outside of marriage, is Exodus 22:16, where we read ';If a man seduces a virgin who is not betrothed, and lies with her, he shall give the marriage present for her, and make her his wife.'; But when we look at the verse immediately following, we get a whole different picture. In verse 17 we read, ';If her father utterly refuses to give her to him, he shall pay money equivalent to the marriage present for virgins.'; Just like the Deuteronomy reference we can clearly see this is not about sex, but rather is about destroying a commodity - a virgin daughter who can be sold for a price. In these Exodus verses it's spelled out even more clearly. There is no mention of immorality, nor is the man who seduces the woman penalized for having sex before marriage - only for having sex with a virgin, and even then his only penalty is to pay the father what the woman would have cost as a virgin.
Some places in the bible, such as Mark 7:21, state that ';fornication'; is a sin. Fundamentalists like to interpret that as meaning ';sex outside of marriage.'; It's not true. The Greek translation identifies ';fornication'; as being any ';illicit (illegal) sexual activity.'; However, as we saw above, God did not mention sex between two unmarried people as being illicit. Interesting. And, in fact, we read in 2 Samuel chapter 5 where some of God's greatest leaders, such as King David (whom God called a man ';after his own heart';), had hundreds of wives and hundreds of unmarried concubines (women kept in the house for the purpose of having sex). None of these were considered sins. It is only when David had sex with another man's wife (2 Samuel 11:1-5) that he committed the sin of adultery.
';SMOKING IS A SIN';
Like other so-called sins on the Fundamentalist list, there is no mention of smoking in the Bible. Rather Fundamentalist minds have decided that smoking is a sin based on 1 Corinthians 3:16, where we are told that our bodies are the temple of God. However, what most Fundamentalists forget, or never knew to begin with, is that in Matthew 15:11 Christ specifically says that it's not what goes into the mouth that defiles the body; rather it's what comes out - such as hate, evil speech, and lies. see fundys.com for more info
Well, are you Christian? If so you should know not to.
The commandment thou shall not commit adultery is rather clear. If you trust that you won't turn to a different woman after her then what's stopping you from getting married?
I hope you take my advice on waiting for marriage.
Do what you want. Freewill is good.
It's neither naive nor stupid. If a man does not feel ready to start his sexual activities before marriage, there will be no harm done.
I don't think it's stupid or naive at all - I'm also a 20 yr old and I've decided to wait until marriage. I think it's something you have to decide for yourself and just accept. Thinking you're bound to do so because of religion is one thing, but actually believing in it and abiding by it is another.
I'm glad to hear that I'm not alone in this - I was getting frustrated that people saw waiting as an old-fashioned or outdated notion, but knowing that others share this viewpoint is reasurring.
Would you buy a car without kicking a few tires?
I think it's stupid to be running around on Maury to find out who is the father of your seven children that you got while test driving and crashing.
I've asked a related question two times in the past year and one half. Both times I asked if anyone wished that they had intercourse before they did, and in only one case did I ever hear anyone say they wish they had done it sooner.
For those who waited until they had marriage, not one person said boy they wished they had sex earlier.
It's only something you regret while you are waiting, or after you have started, if you can't get it again. But, if you wait for the right person, you will be glad that you waited.
What you are experiencing is the world teaching you that you have to give in to your desires and that it's unhealthy to wait.
Advantages to waiting
Virtually no risk of STD or AIDs
No child created outside of a marriage
Your first time will be extra special and much more memorable
I think it's a personal choice. It can be damaging if you only do it because others expect it of you. But if it's something you want for yourself, then to wait or not to wait should be your choice.
Not stupid at all. You have saved yourself from helping produce an unwanted child and getting various sexual diseases. Some deadly.
And they say the cost to being a religious person out weighs the benefits of finding out what happens after we die.
Enjoy all the sex you can while you are young. As we age the equipment deteriorates.
Looks like there's a wide range of opinion on this subject. I'm with those who say wait til marriage. I wish there were more young men (and women) like you.
The idea doesn't have to be marriage. Society just uses that institution to define what you should be looking for. A loving special relationship with someone you want to be connected to forever on the deepest level imaginable. That is what sex should be, a deep spiritual connection. If you need that to be defined first with a state and/or church sanctioned piece of paper, then that's ok too.
What if you marry her and she sucks in bed? And I don't mean in a good way. LOL thumbs down? You people are insane.
I am looking for a forum/chat site for family advice (Not bad marriages) can anyone recommend one?
If you ask specific questions here on Yahoo Answers, you often get some good advice.I am looking for a forum/chat site for family advice (Not bad marriages) can anyone recommend one?
Try this one, it's content pretty much covers all things.
Try this one, it's content pretty much covers all things.
Mainly for Guys! But Female advice welcome!! what should i do about my marriage?
I've been married about 2 years and our relationship is changing or has changed. We are like best friends but the intimacy is not there. I really dont think he is cheating on me because we spend 24/7 together. And even when he is at work we are on the phone. We get along find, the intimacy part just is so gone. Im not fat or anything I look the same as i did when we got married. Could it be that he is tired of me and is bored. What can I do??? Should I just end the relationship? Or keep trying? I really love him and want it to work but I dont want to be hurt. I want to do what God wants me to do but Im not sure what that is. Any advice????Mainly for Guys! But Female advice welcome!! what should i do about my marriage?
We get busy and fall into monotony of daily life, what we often fail to do is the very things that brought us together in the first place. Now if your together 24/7 as you stated, maybe it is time for you to do some things apart with your friends of the same sex, then when you come back together you have some experiences to share. Even two people deeply in love need personal space to grow as a person, while the two of your grow together as a couple. When you are together, take the time to get to know what each other is intrigued by and make it a point to meet your partner in doing what they enjoy. Be open to doing new things, a date night,role play...whatever.
Also, if you look the same as you did when got married two years ago, how about a surprise make-over. When he leaves for work one day, meet up with a girlfriend... go to the spa (get massaged and relaxed), go get a new style (if your hair is short, go long...if it is long (and your husband hasnt expressed that he loves long hair, go short or get a sexy up do, change the color w/a non permanente rinse) get a new outfit, something totally opposite of what he is used to seeing. Keep the interest and the element of surprise at all times. Prep a sexy meal...chocolate covered strawberries, champagne,light delicacies that you can finger feed each other w/sexy slow music in the background (Kenny G...) after dinner, run him a bubble bath w/flower petals, bath oil and candlelight. Massage his temple as he relaxes in the tub. Wash him, when he gets out have him lay on the bed and give him a oil massage from head to toe and let the intimacy begin from then....
It says alot that you would even consider ending the relationship. Perhaps going to a relationship therapist to delve into the unknowns, or reading relationship rescue bookss would give you additional insights. There will always be things that we dont know and having professional advice doesnt reflect negatively on your relationship. What it should say is that you are committed to making your marriage work and putting in the time neccessary to ensure that year 2,3,4....80+++ are the best they can be, and that you both love each other on the last day of your life as much as you loved each other when you said ';I do';.Mainly for Guys! But Female advice welcome!! what should i do about my marriage?
I would keep trying...my wife recently moved out due to some of the same reasons....if ya want a strong relationship you have to work at it all the time.
Maybe try some new things to get him re interested.Alot of guys I know complain about their spouses not instigating sex and it bothers them.....we want to feel like we are wanted as much as women do. good luck
Ya know, any ice cream lover would tell you that they would get tired of eating the stuff 3 times a day seven days a week. I see your marriage kinda like that ice cream. I'm assuming you're talking about sexual intimacy. Perhaps you could plan a few days apart, and then when you're both back at home make a play date. Turn off the phones. turn on the music, and turn up the heat. It could get quite interesting.
I may not be up on the latest technology, but I did not know that God takes confessions via Yahoo answers nowadays. If you 'want to do what God wants' why are you are you asking for a public opinion. Sorry, but it seems you KNOW what the answer is and it's either too hard or not what you expected. Sorry, but that's life.
Plan romantic dates together, be ';intimate'; with one another, etc. If you are stuck at the friend stage at this point, maybe consider just being friends. Do you still feel like u are in love, or like you have a best friend? Take all that into consideration.
I think you should talk to him--he may be feeling the same as you.
You guys NEED to work this out before either of you get distracted by outside sources--and I speak as this happened to me in my 2nd yr of marriage--he cheated =(
Prevention is key!!!
Good luck!!!
When men get what they have focused on - you - part of their brain shuts down. A Stanford researcher discovered this. You are discovering part of what shuts down. To him you are becoming invisible. For get god and deal with reality.
Maybe he has a medical issue that is causing his libido to decrease? Many people have minor medical issues that decrease their sex drive. Confront him. If he says he's just not feeling it, ask him to get checked out.
ask him you two are at the boredom stage think of different things to spice things up marriage counseling wouldn't hurt either
Ask him to teach you how to turn him on. I am not being sarcastic - my wife almost never starts out in the mood - she lets me get her there.
God helps those who help themselves.
Stop being the '; friend'; and become a seductive wife!
Here's some female advice ...don't ask the male advice.
Do not leave just over this. Intimacy changes in a marriage. You really have to work on it even if you don't want to have sex just do it. Then you will remember how great it was to do it all the time and you can get back in the mood to do it even more. Try things you haven't tried before or change the environment that you are doing it in. You just have to work on it. Some nights I was to tired in my marriage be intimate and then we just went weeks without it. I realized you have to make it a point that it is important. Surprise him when he comes home or just do it when he doesn't expect it. Put the spark back into your marriage. Talk to him tell him you want the intimacy back!
There are dozens of reasons why intimacy stops in a marriage, but usually they aren't good. It can be caused by stress, work, financial worries, etc. It can also be that the couple just doesn't 'get' how sex works. The greatest advice I ever heard was ';You don't have to feel like having sex to have great sex.'; Too many couples wait for the feeling, and the reality is in our world of work and business and chores and relatives and demands, we can often go day after day without feeling like having sex, and soon those days turn into months and years. If you want to have sex, have it, set a date for sex, and make sure everything is set and nothing intrudes. Then have it, and see where it leads you.
Don't quit because you think it is over. If you have been married for two years I am sure you both are busy trying to keep the bills paid and all that goes with it. Don't end it because it isn't the same as it once was, your just starting to get to know each other. Some would say a baby would help but don't do that unless your both ready. If you are worried about what God says, then go to the Bible for advise. The Bible has wonderful advise for married couples. It isn't an outdated book. You can email me if you want to know how to find it because I felt the same way you did at one time and I am still married for 12 years now and the Bible has lead my life.
That's hard but you can fix it if he wants to keep the marriage going. It was hard but my sister-in-law had the same problem. Her and my brother had only been married for about 18 months. She hadn't gained any weight and looked the same. He said they had been together for 5 years before marriage and almost 2 years of marriage and the sex was becoming boring. It happens. You guys should try some new things in the bedroom like: light candles, play music during sex, bring in some food (feed each other strawberries and whipped cream), give each other massages before starting, try different positions. Also have date night as if you guys were dating and not married. Call him and ask him if he's not busy on Friday night and take him out and you pull out your cash/credit card to pay for it. I hope it works out!!!! Pray about it.
there could be several things going on from health issues to just
be bored. what you need to do is check it out. first go and get some good hot oil. and give your man a massage. and what ever he likes
to sip on. take him in to the bed room and go to work on him. and then
if nothing happens you will have narrowed it down to health are he has
something else really going on. there is no man i know who want be
willing and ready for sex after a nice full body massage. so go try some oil out.
We get busy and fall into monotony of daily life, what we often fail to do is the very things that brought us together in the first place. Now if your together 24/7 as you stated, maybe it is time for you to do some things apart with your friends of the same sex, then when you come back together you have some experiences to share. Even two people deeply in love need personal space to grow as a person, while the two of your grow together as a couple. When you are together, take the time to get to know what each other is intrigued by and make it a point to meet your partner in doing what they enjoy. Be open to doing new things, a date night,role play...whatever.
Also, if you look the same as you did when got married two years ago, how about a surprise make-over. When he leaves for work one day, meet up with a girlfriend... go to the spa (get massaged and relaxed), go get a new style (if your hair is short, go long...if it is long (and your husband hasnt expressed that he loves long hair, go short or get a sexy up do, change the color w/a non permanente rinse) get a new outfit, something totally opposite of what he is used to seeing. Keep the interest and the element of surprise at all times. Prep a sexy meal...chocolate covered strawberries, champagne,light delicacies that you can finger feed each other w/sexy slow music in the background (Kenny G...) after dinner, run him a bubble bath w/flower petals, bath oil and candlelight. Massage his temple as he relaxes in the tub. Wash him, when he gets out have him lay on the bed and give him a oil massage from head to toe and let the intimacy begin from then....
It says alot that you would even consider ending the relationship. Perhaps going to a relationship therapist to delve into the unknowns, or reading relationship rescue bookss would give you additional insights. There will always be things that we dont know and having professional advice doesnt reflect negatively on your relationship. What it should say is that you are committed to making your marriage work and putting in the time neccessary to ensure that year 2,3,4....80+++ are the best they can be, and that you both love each other on the last day of your life as much as you loved each other when you said ';I do';.Mainly for Guys! But Female advice welcome!! what should i do about my marriage?
I would keep trying...my wife recently moved out due to some of the same reasons....if ya want a strong relationship you have to work at it all the time.
Maybe try some new things to get him re interested.Alot of guys I know complain about their spouses not instigating sex and it bothers them.....we want to feel like we are wanted as much as women do. good luck
Ya know, any ice cream lover would tell you that they would get tired of eating the stuff 3 times a day seven days a week. I see your marriage kinda like that ice cream. I'm assuming you're talking about sexual intimacy. Perhaps you could plan a few days apart, and then when you're both back at home make a play date. Turn off the phones. turn on the music, and turn up the heat. It could get quite interesting.
I may not be up on the latest technology, but I did not know that God takes confessions via Yahoo answers nowadays. If you 'want to do what God wants' why are you are you asking for a public opinion. Sorry, but it seems you KNOW what the answer is and it's either too hard or not what you expected. Sorry, but that's life.
Plan romantic dates together, be ';intimate'; with one another, etc. If you are stuck at the friend stage at this point, maybe consider just being friends. Do you still feel like u are in love, or like you have a best friend? Take all that into consideration.
I think you should talk to him--he may be feeling the same as you.
You guys NEED to work this out before either of you get distracted by outside sources--and I speak as this happened to me in my 2nd yr of marriage--he cheated =(
Prevention is key!!!
Good luck!!!
When men get what they have focused on - you - part of their brain shuts down. A Stanford researcher discovered this. You are discovering part of what shuts down. To him you are becoming invisible. For get god and deal with reality.
Maybe he has a medical issue that is causing his libido to decrease? Many people have minor medical issues that decrease their sex drive. Confront him. If he says he's just not feeling it, ask him to get checked out.
ask him you two are at the boredom stage think of different things to spice things up marriage counseling wouldn't hurt either
Ask him to teach you how to turn him on. I am not being sarcastic - my wife almost never starts out in the mood - she lets me get her there.
God helps those who help themselves.
Stop being the '; friend'; and become a seductive wife!
Here's some female advice ...don't ask the male advice.
Do not leave just over this. Intimacy changes in a marriage. You really have to work on it even if you don't want to have sex just do it. Then you will remember how great it was to do it all the time and you can get back in the mood to do it even more. Try things you haven't tried before or change the environment that you are doing it in. You just have to work on it. Some nights I was to tired in my marriage be intimate and then we just went weeks without it. I realized you have to make it a point that it is important. Surprise him when he comes home or just do it when he doesn't expect it. Put the spark back into your marriage. Talk to him tell him you want the intimacy back!
There are dozens of reasons why intimacy stops in a marriage, but usually they aren't good. It can be caused by stress, work, financial worries, etc. It can also be that the couple just doesn't 'get' how sex works. The greatest advice I ever heard was ';You don't have to feel like having sex to have great sex.'; Too many couples wait for the feeling, and the reality is in our world of work and business and chores and relatives and demands, we can often go day after day without feeling like having sex, and soon those days turn into months and years. If you want to have sex, have it, set a date for sex, and make sure everything is set and nothing intrudes. Then have it, and see where it leads you.
Don't quit because you think it is over. If you have been married for two years I am sure you both are busy trying to keep the bills paid and all that goes with it. Don't end it because it isn't the same as it once was, your just starting to get to know each other. Some would say a baby would help but don't do that unless your both ready. If you are worried about what God says, then go to the Bible for advise. The Bible has wonderful advise for married couples. It isn't an outdated book. You can email me if you want to know how to find it because I felt the same way you did at one time and I am still married for 12 years now and the Bible has lead my life.
That's hard but you can fix it if he wants to keep the marriage going. It was hard but my sister-in-law had the same problem. Her and my brother had only been married for about 18 months. She hadn't gained any weight and looked the same. He said they had been together for 5 years before marriage and almost 2 years of marriage and the sex was becoming boring. It happens. You guys should try some new things in the bedroom like: light candles, play music during sex, bring in some food (feed each other strawberries and whipped cream), give each other massages before starting, try different positions. Also have date night as if you guys were dating and not married. Call him and ask him if he's not busy on Friday night and take him out and you pull out your cash/credit card to pay for it. I hope it works out!!!! Pray about it.
there could be several things going on from health issues to just
be bored. what you need to do is check it out. first go and get some good hot oil. and give your man a massage. and what ever he likes
to sip on. take him in to the bed room and go to work on him. and then
if nothing happens you will have narrowed it down to health are he has
something else really going on. there is no man i know who want be
willing and ready for sex after a nice full body massage. so go try some oil out.
This is a very sensitive topic for me, but I really need advice. It could affect my marriage.?
I grew up with one testicle. My mom said the other one ';was bad'; and God took it. I was made fun of all my life because everytime someone saw my scrotum, they noticed it. They used to call me ';one ball';, ';half-a-man';, and ';fat white guy';. Now that I'm married, my wife is repulsed by my health deficiency. She has flat out told me that if I don't get a ball prosthesis, she will leave me. She said I'm part man, part woman, and she's not going to married to a circus freak show. And she's even a therapist, so you would think she would be more tolerant. I've heard one testicle can cause fertility problems. Is that true? I have 5 kids from other relationships so it doesn't sound like it. My wife has had a vastectomie, so from what I know it going to be difficult for us to get pregnant. But she still blames it on me. I've even told her I have 5 kids, but she laughs and points and crotch-punches me. How do I convince her its not me, its her because of her vastectomie??This is a very sensitive topic for me, but I really need advice. It could affect my marriage.?
Ask her to consult a doctor....This is a very sensitive topic for me, but I really need advice. It could affect my marriage.?
print out facts your actually more fertile than a guy with two because your body knows its defincecy and fixes it on its own also i know you love her but dont that from your wife you dont deserve to live like that tell her that you function like any normal man and just because you have one testicle it doesnt make you any less of one
Yeah, if your wife didn't want to be married to a 'freak show' why did she marry you to begin with?
Funniest question I've seen all day, especially the part about the crotch-punching!
run as fast and as far as you can from yhis crazy woman!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you're being serious... then why in the world are you with this girl?!
Are you really that bored? And is this the best you could come up with?
Yawn.
You child are wasting time here. You can't even make this farce sound credible. Find something else to play with.
She probably doesn't want to admit it.
ha ha ha ha lyer
Your wife had a vasectomy? Ha!
Don't let her get away!!!!!
A woman with a ';vastectomie'; is a rare bird indeed.
Oughta be stuffed %26amp; mounted I say!
Ask her to consult a doctor....This is a very sensitive topic for me, but I really need advice. It could affect my marriage.?
print out facts your actually more fertile than a guy with two because your body knows its defincecy and fixes it on its own also i know you love her but dont that from your wife you dont deserve to live like that tell her that you function like any normal man and just because you have one testicle it doesnt make you any less of one
Yeah, if your wife didn't want to be married to a 'freak show' why did she marry you to begin with?
Funniest question I've seen all day, especially the part about the crotch-punching!
run as fast and as far as you can from yhis crazy woman!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
If you're being serious... then why in the world are you with this girl?!
Are you really that bored? And is this the best you could come up with?
Yawn.
You child are wasting time here. You can't even make this farce sound credible. Find something else to play with.
She probably doesn't want to admit it.
ha ha ha ha lyer
Your wife had a vasectomy? Ha!
Don't let her get away!!!!!
A woman with a ';vastectomie'; is a rare bird indeed.
Oughta be stuffed %26amp; mounted I say!
Marriage detiorating past 3 years with no hopes. I do not want to be first to ask for divorce. Pls advice.?
Marriage went well for almost 25 years before things changed. Husband complains lack of communication with wife. Wife now can do nothing right in his eyes. Enquiries revealhusband has a new love relationship. No marital/conjugal relationships for past 5 years. Wife knows he is having relationships and wife too has just started a new love. Dilemma now is children and sentiments. In reality, better to be divorced so both can live happily but who takes the first move??? Wife curious.Marriage detiorating past 3 years with no hopes. I do not want to be first to ask for divorce. Pls advice.?
ask a lawyer for the right and legal answer.Marriage detiorating past 3 years with no hopes. I do not want to be first to ask for divorce. Pls advice.?
call you friendly attorney
The smartest one.
Sounds like it's past over. The smart person will file for divorce first.
definitely a divorse. u both deserve to be happy
OlaJ - life is too short to be unhappy. Your children are old enough that they will deal with it - besides, they would rather have each of you be happy apart than miserable together. I went through the same - it's tough to make the first step, but the end result has been positive. Good luck!
I am sorry about this sweetie, but you have got to be the one to make the first move. If he has moved on in his heart, and so have you, then you owe it to both of you to set eachother free to pursue whatever makes you happy. I gotta figure that if you were married for 30 years (you did say it was 25 years before problems started and 5 years since you had sex), then your kids aren't toddlers, and they will get over it. I would much prefer that my parents be divorced and happy, than together and miserable. And as far as sentiments... not really sure what you mean by that but, who cares? Who gives a damn what anybody thinks of you for wanting a divorce, they aren't in your relationship, and if your husband does not want it to work (and you should ask him if there is any way counsuling or therapy could save your marriage because you were married for 25 years before things got bad) then there is nothing that you can do and you owe it to yourself to move on and find somthing that will make you happy. I am sorry that this is happening to you sweetie, but there is sombody out there who will love and cherish you for who you are, and it may be your husband, but you guys need to talk and see if your marriage can be saved. But if it can't then I beg you don't stay where you are not happy. Move on. Good luck my dear, and I hope this helps.
If the marriage went well for 25 years it's worth saving! You made vows to your spouse and to God; don't break them without long serious thought!! Get into counseling to figure out what's going wrong with your relationship. If you don't the problems will repeat in every relationship you have. The affairs aren't the cause of the deterioration - they're the result. Perhaps some sexual therapy would help in the future. A marriage without sex, unless both partners have agreed to this, is not a marriage in the whole sense of the word. You promised to love until death parts you. Get into counseling to find out how you can keep your promise. Also, read books on marriage by good Christian authors - many are available (as is some good advice) on newlife.com. Good luck and God bless.
Is there anyway that you both could work at it for the children sakes, before you go through the divorce. Like get some conseling. Because the children are going to hurt tremendously.
YOU should, being that you should put your happiness above anyone elses... if you have been married for 25 years then your children should be able to adapt to the change... they are old enough to know that sometimes things just dont last forever... and him being with a person for 5 years is just a little too much for me to swallow... a one night stand yes but he is truly moving on... with someone else and you should do the same also... two wrongs dont make a right...
Wife should file because as hard as it will be in the short term the better it will be once the healing starts. My own parents were miserable for years but stayed married ';for the family';. Once I left home (I'm the youngest) the announced they were getting divorced. Everyone by then was saying ';What took you guys so long to finally move towards happiness?';
If you do not want to be with him Why holding on to nothing just tell him
Dump the guy. If he doesn't like you for who you are, he is a waste of your time.
I think that the two are just afraid to divorce. But how can they stay in a relationship if they don't love each other. Why put themselves in that kind of dilema. You can always have a mutual agreement that the marriage is dead and that they both need to move on. Have the arrangments already made out before you go to lawyers. It will make it easier and in the long run, you will both be more happy to end what is already dead. Ask for the divorce.
One time he cheats, maybe a mistake, but continueous? Call your attorney and file ASAP. It way past time. Good Luck!
you can make the first move or else you'll be miserable the whole time waiting for him to initiate, maybe he is waiting for you
You both in these 25 years have forgotten to communicate your feelings with each other , In the hectic schedules u hv not shared ur thoughts with each other %26amp; u both started drifting from each other . I would suggest you to not to think abt divorce but rather bring back that energy u both shared in the initial years of ur marriage . Communication %26amp; understanding is the key .
If you don't love them then break it to them but if you think there's hope then go to something like couples counceling! it might work.bridal make up make up tips
ask a lawyer for the right and legal answer.Marriage detiorating past 3 years with no hopes. I do not want to be first to ask for divorce. Pls advice.?
call you friendly attorney
The smartest one.
Sounds like it's past over. The smart person will file for divorce first.
definitely a divorse. u both deserve to be happy
OlaJ - life is too short to be unhappy. Your children are old enough that they will deal with it - besides, they would rather have each of you be happy apart than miserable together. I went through the same - it's tough to make the first step, but the end result has been positive. Good luck!
I am sorry about this sweetie, but you have got to be the one to make the first move. If he has moved on in his heart, and so have you, then you owe it to both of you to set eachother free to pursue whatever makes you happy. I gotta figure that if you were married for 30 years (you did say it was 25 years before problems started and 5 years since you had sex), then your kids aren't toddlers, and they will get over it. I would much prefer that my parents be divorced and happy, than together and miserable. And as far as sentiments... not really sure what you mean by that but, who cares? Who gives a damn what anybody thinks of you for wanting a divorce, they aren't in your relationship, and if your husband does not want it to work (and you should ask him if there is any way counsuling or therapy could save your marriage because you were married for 25 years before things got bad) then there is nothing that you can do and you owe it to yourself to move on and find somthing that will make you happy. I am sorry that this is happening to you sweetie, but there is sombody out there who will love and cherish you for who you are, and it may be your husband, but you guys need to talk and see if your marriage can be saved. But if it can't then I beg you don't stay where you are not happy. Move on. Good luck my dear, and I hope this helps.
If the marriage went well for 25 years it's worth saving! You made vows to your spouse and to God; don't break them without long serious thought!! Get into counseling to figure out what's going wrong with your relationship. If you don't the problems will repeat in every relationship you have. The affairs aren't the cause of the deterioration - they're the result. Perhaps some sexual therapy would help in the future. A marriage without sex, unless both partners have agreed to this, is not a marriage in the whole sense of the word. You promised to love until death parts you. Get into counseling to find out how you can keep your promise. Also, read books on marriage by good Christian authors - many are available (as is some good advice) on newlife.com. Good luck and God bless.
Is there anyway that you both could work at it for the children sakes, before you go through the divorce. Like get some conseling. Because the children are going to hurt tremendously.
YOU should, being that you should put your happiness above anyone elses... if you have been married for 25 years then your children should be able to adapt to the change... they are old enough to know that sometimes things just dont last forever... and him being with a person for 5 years is just a little too much for me to swallow... a one night stand yes but he is truly moving on... with someone else and you should do the same also... two wrongs dont make a right...
Wife should file because as hard as it will be in the short term the better it will be once the healing starts. My own parents were miserable for years but stayed married ';for the family';. Once I left home (I'm the youngest) the announced they were getting divorced. Everyone by then was saying ';What took you guys so long to finally move towards happiness?';
If you do not want to be with him Why holding on to nothing just tell him
Dump the guy. If he doesn't like you for who you are, he is a waste of your time.
I think that the two are just afraid to divorce. But how can they stay in a relationship if they don't love each other. Why put themselves in that kind of dilema. You can always have a mutual agreement that the marriage is dead and that they both need to move on. Have the arrangments already made out before you go to lawyers. It will make it easier and in the long run, you will both be more happy to end what is already dead. Ask for the divorce.
One time he cheats, maybe a mistake, but continueous? Call your attorney and file ASAP. It way past time. Good Luck!
you can make the first move or else you'll be miserable the whole time waiting for him to initiate, maybe he is waiting for you
You both in these 25 years have forgotten to communicate your feelings with each other , In the hectic schedules u hv not shared ur thoughts with each other %26amp; u both started drifting from each other . I would suggest you to not to think abt divorce but rather bring back that energy u both shared in the initial years of ur marriage . Communication %26amp; understanding is the key .
If you don't love them then break it to them but if you think there's hope then go to something like couples counceling! it might work.
What advice can I give my friend who is dating a man that left her after 21+ years for a arranged marriage?
Her ex boyfriend is from Africa and has been leaving in the US. He recently left my friend after 21+ years for a arranged marriage. The one thing thats bothering me, is my friend and him are still ';TOGETHER'; like nothing ever happend. They were boyfriend/girlfriend about to get married. Then he dropped and told her he's getting married to a woman from Africa. His new wife lives here in the Statres also. He still tells her he loves her. They still go out. They are both acting like nothing has ever happend. He is a married man and as a friend I'm sick over this. Any advice I can give my friend? She doesn't deserve this!What advice can I give my friend who is dating a man that left her after 21+ years for a arranged marriage?
I know that sometimes we feel as best friends we need to protect each other. It appears that your friend is okay with this arrangement and does not mind being with a married man. Just stand by and give her your love and be there when everything falls apart, it will. Good luck, she is very lucky to have a friend like you.What advice can I give my friend who is dating a man that left her after 21+ years for a arranged marriage?
I wouldn't even say anything to her. If she doesn't have enough sense to dump him then she can add that to her list of problems.
Dont take unnecessarily burdens on your shoulder.
live for you that i can tell you where is yours and enjoy
I know that sometimes we feel as best friends we need to protect each other. It appears that your friend is okay with this arrangement and does not mind being with a married man. Just stand by and give her your love and be there when everything falls apart, it will. Good luck, she is very lucky to have a friend like you.What advice can I give my friend who is dating a man that left her after 21+ years for a arranged marriage?
I wouldn't even say anything to her. If she doesn't have enough sense to dump him then she can add that to her list of problems.
Dont take unnecessarily burdens on your shoulder.
live for you that i can tell you where is yours and enjoy
Marriage proposal Guys this one is for u!!! need your advice.?
i'm in this wonderful relationship with a guy who loves me dearly. however we have been through the worst and best times. but we made it. right now i'm waitin to see if he is goin to marry me because he proposed sometime back and has not yet givin me a date nor a ring.
there are little things though that i may be reading too much into like him chattin with certain ppl however i dont want to make too much of it. what you think i should do i DONT want to nag i want to remain cool becuasei know he loves me. but u know we women can be impatient.
as a guy what do you recommend i do? should i just leave him let him come around on his own timing. stop naggin or bring u things
tell me as guys what you all would like from a woman in my position. its been 9 month
9 minutes ago - 3 days left to answer.Marriage proposal Guys this one is for u!!! need your advice.?
I would keep patience, kissess. He might be nervous, he might think that you will reject him. I have no idea how, I'm only 13, but show him that you really love him.
Good luck.
Hope he marrys u
there are little things though that i may be reading too much into like him chattin with certain ppl however i dont want to make too much of it. what you think i should do i DONT want to nag i want to remain cool becuasei know he loves me. but u know we women can be impatient.
as a guy what do you recommend i do? should i just leave him let him come around on his own timing. stop naggin or bring u things
tell me as guys what you all would like from a woman in my position. its been 9 month
9 minutes ago - 3 days left to answer.Marriage proposal Guys this one is for u!!! need your advice.?
I would keep patience, kissess. He might be nervous, he might think that you will reject him. I have no idea how, I'm only 13, but show him that you really love him.
Good luck.
Hope he marrys u
People who are or have waited for sex till marriage, how far do you go? When do you stop? Advice please!!!!?
Although, both of us are not virgins, my boyfriend and me are waiting till marriage to have sex. And we have now been going out for almost a year. I want to know how far is right to go sexually. What are your experiences? How do you fight off temptations? when or where is the best time to stop so ?People who are or have waited for sex till marriage, how far do you go? When do you stop? Advice please!!!!?
Its extremely easy to give in unless you put plenty of space between you and sex. I know a lot of people who abstain before marriage, and this is what they commonly do:
Most importantly no more than light kissing (no frenching, not longer than 10 sec)
Make sure others know about it, even promise you'll call them if you ever do it (it works)
Don't lay down near each other
Don't snuggle or lay together under a blanket
Don't stay anywhere that's dark (tv at home, parked car)
Don't linger in privacy, save intimate talks for public places
Avoid tempting clothes, including low cut, shoulderless, belly-showing, or short skirt/shorts.
Some advice from Gordon B. Hinckley, president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day saints: ';Petting frequently leads to [sex]... it has done so with thousands...'; He has also said that even the best man and women will give in to temptation if left alone in a dark parked car long enough.
I'm abstaining until marriage too. Good luck!People who are or have waited for sex till marriage, how far do you go? When do you stop? Advice please!!!!?
Don't put yourself in a situation in which you feel that you will both be tempted to have sex (ie. go on group dates, don't spend too much time alone, etc), if you do feel tempted, spend some time apart (not like on a break) but kinda just giving each other some space, also work on the frendship portion of your relationship (most of the time true friends ont pressure each other for sex)...other than that the rest is up to your better judgement...
just dont
I'm not married yet, but I'm waiting to have sex until I get married and I've gotten pretty good at the whole abstinence thing.
First, you have to tell your boyfriend that you are serious and make sure that he is taking you seriously. Then, you can't be stupid. You have to realize that invitations such as spending the night at their beach hosue without their parents around is, in the male speech, asking you to have sex with them. So, if they ask you if you want to stay with them at their beach house, say, ';Can I bring my best friend along, too?'; And watch their reaction as they realize you aren't on the same page. (Boys are very silly creatures. They really, really, really want sex. But the nice ones will wait for you. And they're the only ones worth having.)
Some tactics that work for me are enlisting my roommate. My boyfriend, my roomie and I watch a movie together and then she leaves to go get coffee or something, and we make out - but it's not enough time to have sex. Or, We're at his house and I text her to call me in ten minutes, come into the room in ten minutes. Or, to give my roommate a break, I just text another friend. Or, I go to my boyfriend's house, when his mom is home, and we both know that we can't do anything when she's home.
Basically, it's all about keeping yourself out of that situation - because face it, if you and your boyfriend were left on an island like the one in Pirates, you'd end up having sex sooner or later, especially with all the rum. Oh, and that's another thing - don't get drunk, because it makes you horny.
And that's all my advice. I hope it helps.
Its extremely easy to give in unless you put plenty of space between you and sex. I know a lot of people who abstain before marriage, and this is what they commonly do:
Most importantly no more than light kissing (no frenching, not longer than 10 sec)
Make sure others know about it, even promise you'll call them if you ever do it (it works)
Don't lay down near each other
Don't snuggle or lay together under a blanket
Don't stay anywhere that's dark (tv at home, parked car)
Don't linger in privacy, save intimate talks for public places
Avoid tempting clothes, including low cut, shoulderless, belly-showing, or short skirt/shorts.
Some advice from Gordon B. Hinckley, president of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day saints: ';Petting frequently leads to [sex]... it has done so with thousands...'; He has also said that even the best man and women will give in to temptation if left alone in a dark parked car long enough.
I'm abstaining until marriage too. Good luck!People who are or have waited for sex till marriage, how far do you go? When do you stop? Advice please!!!!?
Don't put yourself in a situation in which you feel that you will both be tempted to have sex (ie. go on group dates, don't spend too much time alone, etc), if you do feel tempted, spend some time apart (not like on a break) but kinda just giving each other some space, also work on the frendship portion of your relationship (most of the time true friends ont pressure each other for sex)...other than that the rest is up to your better judgement...
just dont
I'm not married yet, but I'm waiting to have sex until I get married and I've gotten pretty good at the whole abstinence thing.
First, you have to tell your boyfriend that you are serious and make sure that he is taking you seriously. Then, you can't be stupid. You have to realize that invitations such as spending the night at their beach hosue without their parents around is, in the male speech, asking you to have sex with them. So, if they ask you if you want to stay with them at their beach house, say, ';Can I bring my best friend along, too?'; And watch their reaction as they realize you aren't on the same page. (Boys are very silly creatures. They really, really, really want sex. But the nice ones will wait for you. And they're the only ones worth having.)
Some tactics that work for me are enlisting my roommate. My boyfriend, my roomie and I watch a movie together and then she leaves to go get coffee or something, and we make out - but it's not enough time to have sex. Or, We're at his house and I text her to call me in ten minutes, come into the room in ten minutes. Or, to give my roommate a break, I just text another friend. Or, I go to my boyfriend's house, when his mom is home, and we both know that we can't do anything when she's home.
Basically, it's all about keeping yourself out of that situation - because face it, if you and your boyfriend were left on an island like the one in Pirates, you'd end up having sex sooner or later, especially with all the rum. Oh, and that's another thing - don't get drunk, because it makes you horny.
And that's all my advice. I hope it helps.
We've been together for almost two years, he's talking marriage, Im freaking out. Advice?
We are really happy together, have lived together for almost two years, and truly in love (I believe) but he is 14 years older than me and has lived loads more than I have. Im afraid that if I say yes now and we get married then I will feel like I've missed out on some part of living. I know he will support my decision and stick by me but I hate the thought of him being hurt by my decision. What would you do?We've been together for almost two years, he's talking marriage, Im freaking out. Advice?
Don't be afraid. Marriage can be a beautiful thing. It all
depends on how the two people work it. I've met alot of women who were like you and when they got married they were
even more happy. If he has been the same for the two years you've been together and has always respected you then you have nothing to worry. If you listen to all the negative
words people say then you will be afraid. Turn your negative
into a positive. It's when you have kids is when you miss out on alot in life. You're stuck home changing, feeding,
rocking, and crying. Marriage is beautiful when the right
people are in it. And when there is lots of love and fun.We've been together for almost two years, he's talking marriage, Im freaking out. Advice?
I'd be by myself or find someone my own age and leave the old experienced man alone.
TELL HIM YOU NEED A WHILE TO THINK ABOUT IT. LET HIM KNOW WHY YOUR SCARED ADN IF HE LOVES U HE WILL UNDERSTAND..PLUS U LOVE HIM RIGHT? BE HONEST HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY ..DONT MARRY HIM IF UR NOT READY IT WILL ONLY HURT THE BOTH OF U IF U REALIZE LATER ITS NOT WAHT U WANT...
Run away.
what's stopping u fr marrying him if ur saying ur both truly inluv??? u shldnt doubt ur feelings..
if he's older than u then that's a gud thing.. he'll b patient w/u %26amp; assist u coping up w/d marriage..
if u still feel ur not ready then tell him.. it'll hurt him but he'll understand if he really loves u.
Make sure you clearly tell him this. Yes, it will probably hurt him, but that is inevitable. You two don't share the same brain, and people in relationships always have different perspectives. Don't get too worked up about hurting him, it sucks but it is a part of life. If he is willing to stick with you, that is cool, but you might just be in different places in your life. Get married when YOU want to, don't let anyone else pressure you in. You have every right and responsibility to live YOUR life the way YOU want to.
You dont find too many men out there who can ask for marriage. The world is full of boys playing games with women, and waiting for women to ask them out. Today's boys are wanting thier mommies/girlfriends to ask them for the hand in marriage.
Men ask for marriage. Boys wait on women to do it for them.
He seems to think that you are the one. He seems to think that since you have been together for two years maybe you think so too. DO YOU? NO REALLY, look deep inside you. Missing out on what a greater love? Are you willing to have babies with this man? OK then
Seems like the first thing you think of when the word Marriage is mentioned is Trapped (at this point in your life). This is a red flag. If you cant see yourself growing and experiencing life with this man and rather feel like you are missing out on life then you need to take your time with this relationship. He may or may not be the one. Time will tell. Don't rush into marriage unless it gives you a rush! (Marriage should be exciting, not terrifying.)
can u see your self with him in the future? i have a friend who got married to a younger girl and she left him for the reason that she hadnt 'lived enough'. well, she hurt him badly most probably because she didnt think the marriage through properly. im now with him and im 15 yrs younger and id marry him in a heart beat because hes everything ive ever wanted. If u think u could then do it, but if ur having so many doubts then maybe you have a good reason to. think it through carefully. good luck
Marriage is the finest way to be happy.
think about what would happen if you decided to say no if things are positive say yes if negative say no
You've lived together for 2 years and you say you are truly in love with him--I doubt it! Neither of you are committed to the other. On the farm we used to say, ';why milk the cow if you can get the milk free';? Why are you living together without the benefit of marriage. Are you waiting for something to happen that will cause you to separate and you can without legal problems? Marriage and loving another person is a very strong committment. And it means that you will help each other out through all life's problems and work toward a single goal and finally reach the last days of this life together and be happy! Sounds like you do not want to commit--are you afraid he is not the right man to marry. Marriage is a life long committment. Find what you are afraid of and talk it out with him and stop living with him until you can determine whether or not he is the one, then either marry him or find another man. No more living with a guy outside the bonds of marriage!
Don't be afraid. Marriage can be a beautiful thing. It all
depends on how the two people work it. I've met alot of women who were like you and when they got married they were
even more happy. If he has been the same for the two years you've been together and has always respected you then you have nothing to worry. If you listen to all the negative
words people say then you will be afraid. Turn your negative
into a positive. It's when you have kids is when you miss out on alot in life. You're stuck home changing, feeding,
rocking, and crying. Marriage is beautiful when the right
people are in it. And when there is lots of love and fun.We've been together for almost two years, he's talking marriage, Im freaking out. Advice?
I'd be by myself or find someone my own age and leave the old experienced man alone.
TELL HIM YOU NEED A WHILE TO THINK ABOUT IT. LET HIM KNOW WHY YOUR SCARED ADN IF HE LOVES U HE WILL UNDERSTAND..PLUS U LOVE HIM RIGHT? BE HONEST HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY ..DONT MARRY HIM IF UR NOT READY IT WILL ONLY HURT THE BOTH OF U IF U REALIZE LATER ITS NOT WAHT U WANT...
Run away.
what's stopping u fr marrying him if ur saying ur both truly inluv??? u shldnt doubt ur feelings..
if he's older than u then that's a gud thing.. he'll b patient w/u %26amp; assist u coping up w/d marriage..
if u still feel ur not ready then tell him.. it'll hurt him but he'll understand if he really loves u.
Make sure you clearly tell him this. Yes, it will probably hurt him, but that is inevitable. You two don't share the same brain, and people in relationships always have different perspectives. Don't get too worked up about hurting him, it sucks but it is a part of life. If he is willing to stick with you, that is cool, but you might just be in different places in your life. Get married when YOU want to, don't let anyone else pressure you in. You have every right and responsibility to live YOUR life the way YOU want to.
You dont find too many men out there who can ask for marriage. The world is full of boys playing games with women, and waiting for women to ask them out. Today's boys are wanting thier mommies/girlfriends to ask them for the hand in marriage.
Men ask for marriage. Boys wait on women to do it for them.
He seems to think that you are the one. He seems to think that since you have been together for two years maybe you think so too. DO YOU? NO REALLY, look deep inside you. Missing out on what a greater love? Are you willing to have babies with this man? OK then
Seems like the first thing you think of when the word Marriage is mentioned is Trapped (at this point in your life). This is a red flag. If you cant see yourself growing and experiencing life with this man and rather feel like you are missing out on life then you need to take your time with this relationship. He may or may not be the one. Time will tell. Don't rush into marriage unless it gives you a rush! (Marriage should be exciting, not terrifying.)
can u see your self with him in the future? i have a friend who got married to a younger girl and she left him for the reason that she hadnt 'lived enough'. well, she hurt him badly most probably because she didnt think the marriage through properly. im now with him and im 15 yrs younger and id marry him in a heart beat because hes everything ive ever wanted. If u think u could then do it, but if ur having so many doubts then maybe you have a good reason to. think it through carefully. good luck
Marriage is the finest way to be happy.
think about what would happen if you decided to say no if things are positive say yes if negative say no
You've lived together for 2 years and you say you are truly in love with him--I doubt it! Neither of you are committed to the other. On the farm we used to say, ';why milk the cow if you can get the milk free';? Why are you living together without the benefit of marriage. Are you waiting for something to happen that will cause you to separate and you can without legal problems? Marriage and loving another person is a very strong committment. And it means that you will help each other out through all life's problems and work toward a single goal and finally reach the last days of this life together and be happy! Sounds like you do not want to commit--are you afraid he is not the right man to marry. Marriage is a life long committment. Find what you are afraid of and talk it out with him and stop living with him until you can determine whether or not he is the one, then either marry him or find another man. No more living with a guy outside the bonds of marriage!
I need some advice-how do I get back into dating after a long marriage? Not looking for just physical thing!?
I have tried internet dating site and got lots of replies but most either just disappear, never talk back when I reply--even something as simple as How are you? What do you like to do in your free time? What kinds of food do you like? etc. If they don't disappear, they come on very strong, want to meet right away and are very concerned with physical needs, shall we say? Aren't there any men who really want a relationship not just a quick physical thing? I am 48, by the way but most people say I look younger, around late 30's or early 40s(not bragging just really is what people say). I tend to attract (on the internet anyway) younger men (30's) or much older (65 %26amp; up)--very few from 45 to 50. I am not a clingy needy person, pretty independent, but do expect to be treated like a person not just body parts! Where I live, it seems women a lot uglier and meaner (b*-mean, if you know what I mean)seem to have no trouble getting bfs and hubbies (usually they meet at bars though) What gives?I need some advice-how do I get back into dating after a long marriage? Not looking for just physical thing!?
meeting people isn't always easy, but they say grocery stores are the best places, every one needs food,its open and your not going to feel out of place. if your a women always dress up, but not too dressy. take your time, its your new hunting grounds...there is always someone to chat with.believe me. i have bumped into a guys cart, on purpose and started up a conversation, it works if you are a good hunter. this is so silly, but true,a lot of guys hang out in grocery stores,also looking for a women, i have had the most fun in there. a man wanted to give me a penny on my bill one day, and we ended up chatting over coffee in the snack bar of the store. the best times i have had and also learning to overcome a long marrage ending is to think of fun......bars are not good, for sure.now church is a good place also, many have singles groupes, the main thing is to think of who you are at this moment in time. flea markets are fun also. they too have snack bars........but don't be afraid to just go out to open places, where you will feel safe. sometimes you just have to be brave,and talk to your self and know that this is now your new life, and your going to do it. you will also find a new you. i know cause i have been there. good luck and remember have fun, laugh often.I need some advice-how do I get back into dating after a long marriage? Not looking for just physical thing!?
I met my guy on Yahoo personals with the intention of finding a biking buddy. With that in common we found other interests as well. Let your intuition guide you. I too came out of a 24 yr, marriage and am also 48. If the guy seems like a player, then he is one. I found that out. Don't talk alot about your married life.
If you find yourself in a relationship, and you catch him in a lie- flee!!
I DONT THINK CLUBS ARE BARS ARE THE RIGHT PLACES MAYBE A COMEDY CLUB,KAROEKE,CHURCH, A RESTAURANT,ARE A FRIEND THAT KNOWS A FRIEND.BELIEVE ME I KNOW ITS HARS TO FIND THAT ESPECIALL HER IN DALLAS GOOD LUCK
I met my boyfriend of 2 years online. I had to go through all the riff raff also before I met my guy. I still don't like the idea of meeting people in bars. Just be patient. Take up a hobby like working out or something active and you can usually meet people that way.
OK coming from someone that had a long term marriage. This is what I say. I left my husband and stayed single for like 6 months and I thought I was ready for ';something new.'; But what I got was a new marriage that is worse then the 1st one.When the time is right ';love'; will sneak up and hit you in the head. Don't go looking for it. It is like that saying a watched pot never boils. Good luck in life!
try going out to a bar or if youre into country music dance halls are great. but people of all ages go to bars to hang out so you might have some luck there.
hope it turns out well!
im sorry to hear that.
maybe you could take a vacation! not somewhere too far, but if there is a larger city near by get a hotel in the tourist part of town and enjoy! take a friend with you so youre not alone, two guys together will seem more like single guys to a woman anyway, maybe if there is someone you meet in this city you can start something with them. and maybe you should even try moving. maybe staying in that town is just something that is getting really old for you and it could be drowning you out. maybe a change could be good for you.
Wanting to meet within the first week of chatting is a good thing. Just meet in a public restaurant and have dinner, coffee or chat. You take your car and let them meet you there. The purpose for the face to face meeting is men have a need for ';chemistry,';. They just want to see if it is there for both of you. Stay away from any conversations regarding sex. If they broach the subject, tell them you are not interesting is discussing that topic so early on. They should respect your decision. There are predators, so just watch the conversation. The age of the man is totally your decision. I dated a man that was 37, first for me and I am the same age you are. Actually, it is more mature than men our age and I rather enjoy his company.
I think you need better questions to ask them then the general ones you are asking. Ask question that will reveal more of their thought process and where they are heading, values, moral etc.
I am also the same age and been single 16 years,just don't have the right one ask me out,I tryed the internet thing and had a couple dates,now,I thought the same,give up on meeting a nice man,so,I joined American Singles a year ago just for the chat room fun...guess when not looking I was being myself and a lot smarter in judgement of my new friend I found ';character';,internet dating is great if you have no expectations and go into the chat rooms,you meet a lot of friends that way and even other girls your age or about!Best Of Luck,you know I took my grandaughter to 2 parks today and saw many nice looking men there,give that a try!best of waiting!!Took me almost 5 years to meet my man!and American Singles is where I found a great person!
This is really, really hard! With internet dating you have to kiss a LOT of frogs, and that can get to be a drag (it's almost like interviewing people for a job!) So i feel your pain!
As corny as it sounds, try joining a club. Sierra Club is a fantastic way to meet men -- churches, volunteer groups seem to be mostly women. no hard facts, but that's how it seems to me! I meet lots of great women-friends but not boyfriends.
Anyway... check out the Sierra Club chapter near your home. if you like the outdoors you will meet some nice guys that way.
If you live near water, take up sailing. I live in Chicago, and one of the harbors downtown gives sailing lessons -- lots of men, mostly 35-55.
Good luck!
I met my husband at work, but dating fellow coworkers is not for everyone. You get to know someone pretty well after you have worked together for a while. You might want to try and ask a good friend if they know somebody they work with, that is single and meets your criteria.
You know the single guys you meet in church won't treat you like body parts, if you are religious that is.
My friend used to get lots of phone numbers when she would take her dog to the park, fellow dog lovers are always a good choice.
I wish you the best of luck.
First off, start working out. 2-3 times a week. You need something to clear your head and lifting weights/treadmill is the best thing. I met my wife through frinds and, of all the women I've dated, this was always the best way. Let your good friends find somebody.
Join clubs or groups that are centered around your interests, i.e. yoga, bowling league, anywhere that singles get together.......
I am in the same boat, single again, I am getting my head together, spending some time on myself, loosing a little weight, and having massages, faciels and new clothes, and then I will grab my girlfriends and we will go and see some bands play, a great way to ease yourself back into the fold, see whats out there, but most of all have a great time, thats the most important thing, YOU. Treat yourself for a change as I am you will feel happier and sexier, and this will show when you are out on the town, good luck.
meeting people isn't always easy, but they say grocery stores are the best places, every one needs food,its open and your not going to feel out of place. if your a women always dress up, but not too dressy. take your time, its your new hunting grounds...there is always someone to chat with.believe me. i have bumped into a guys cart, on purpose and started up a conversation, it works if you are a good hunter. this is so silly, but true,a lot of guys hang out in grocery stores,also looking for a women, i have had the most fun in there. a man wanted to give me a penny on my bill one day, and we ended up chatting over coffee in the snack bar of the store. the best times i have had and also learning to overcome a long marrage ending is to think of fun......bars are not good, for sure.now church is a good place also, many have singles groupes, the main thing is to think of who you are at this moment in time. flea markets are fun also. they too have snack bars........but don't be afraid to just go out to open places, where you will feel safe. sometimes you just have to be brave,and talk to your self and know that this is now your new life, and your going to do it. you will also find a new you. i know cause i have been there. good luck and remember have fun, laugh often.I need some advice-how do I get back into dating after a long marriage? Not looking for just physical thing!?
I met my guy on Yahoo personals with the intention of finding a biking buddy. With that in common we found other interests as well. Let your intuition guide you. I too came out of a 24 yr, marriage and am also 48. If the guy seems like a player, then he is one. I found that out. Don't talk alot about your married life.
If you find yourself in a relationship, and you catch him in a lie- flee!!
I DONT THINK CLUBS ARE BARS ARE THE RIGHT PLACES MAYBE A COMEDY CLUB,KAROEKE,CHURCH, A RESTAURANT,ARE A FRIEND THAT KNOWS A FRIEND.BELIEVE ME I KNOW ITS HARS TO FIND THAT ESPECIALL HER IN DALLAS GOOD LUCK
I met my boyfriend of 2 years online. I had to go through all the riff raff also before I met my guy. I still don't like the idea of meeting people in bars. Just be patient. Take up a hobby like working out or something active and you can usually meet people that way.
OK coming from someone that had a long term marriage. This is what I say. I left my husband and stayed single for like 6 months and I thought I was ready for ';something new.'; But what I got was a new marriage that is worse then the 1st one.When the time is right ';love'; will sneak up and hit you in the head. Don't go looking for it. It is like that saying a watched pot never boils. Good luck in life!
try going out to a bar or if youre into country music dance halls are great. but people of all ages go to bars to hang out so you might have some luck there.
hope it turns out well!
im sorry to hear that.
maybe you could take a vacation! not somewhere too far, but if there is a larger city near by get a hotel in the tourist part of town and enjoy! take a friend with you so youre not alone, two guys together will seem more like single guys to a woman anyway, maybe if there is someone you meet in this city you can start something with them. and maybe you should even try moving. maybe staying in that town is just something that is getting really old for you and it could be drowning you out. maybe a change could be good for you.
Wanting to meet within the first week of chatting is a good thing. Just meet in a public restaurant and have dinner, coffee or chat. You take your car and let them meet you there. The purpose for the face to face meeting is men have a need for ';chemistry,';. They just want to see if it is there for both of you. Stay away from any conversations regarding sex. If they broach the subject, tell them you are not interesting is discussing that topic so early on. They should respect your decision. There are predators, so just watch the conversation. The age of the man is totally your decision. I dated a man that was 37, first for me and I am the same age you are. Actually, it is more mature than men our age and I rather enjoy his company.
I think you need better questions to ask them then the general ones you are asking. Ask question that will reveal more of their thought process and where they are heading, values, moral etc.
I am also the same age and been single 16 years,just don't have the right one ask me out,I tryed the internet thing and had a couple dates,now,I thought the same,give up on meeting a nice man,so,I joined American Singles a year ago just for the chat room fun...guess when not looking I was being myself and a lot smarter in judgement of my new friend I found ';character';,internet dating is great if you have no expectations and go into the chat rooms,you meet a lot of friends that way and even other girls your age or about!Best Of Luck,you know I took my grandaughter to 2 parks today and saw many nice looking men there,give that a try!best of waiting!!Took me almost 5 years to meet my man!and American Singles is where I found a great person!
This is really, really hard! With internet dating you have to kiss a LOT of frogs, and that can get to be a drag (it's almost like interviewing people for a job!) So i feel your pain!
As corny as it sounds, try joining a club. Sierra Club is a fantastic way to meet men -- churches, volunteer groups seem to be mostly women. no hard facts, but that's how it seems to me! I meet lots of great women-friends but not boyfriends.
Anyway... check out the Sierra Club chapter near your home. if you like the outdoors you will meet some nice guys that way.
If you live near water, take up sailing. I live in Chicago, and one of the harbors downtown gives sailing lessons -- lots of men, mostly 35-55.
Good luck!
I met my husband at work, but dating fellow coworkers is not for everyone. You get to know someone pretty well after you have worked together for a while. You might want to try and ask a good friend if they know somebody they work with, that is single and meets your criteria.
You know the single guys you meet in church won't treat you like body parts, if you are religious that is.
My friend used to get lots of phone numbers when she would take her dog to the park, fellow dog lovers are always a good choice.
I wish you the best of luck.
First off, start working out. 2-3 times a week. You need something to clear your head and lifting weights/treadmill is the best thing. I met my wife through frinds and, of all the women I've dated, this was always the best way. Let your good friends find somebody.
Join clubs or groups that are centered around your interests, i.e. yoga, bowling league, anywhere that singles get together.......
I am in the same boat, single again, I am getting my head together, spending some time on myself, loosing a little weight, and having massages, faciels and new clothes, and then I will grab my girlfriends and we will go and see some bands play, a great way to ease yourself back into the fold, see whats out there, but most of all have a great time, thats the most important thing, YOU. Treat yourself for a change as I am you will feel happier and sexier, and this will show when you are out on the town, good luck.
I am looking for a free love spell to encourage a marriage proposal. Any wiccans have any advice or ideas? TY?
Uh, if you need a Spell to get someone to want to propose... Um, yeah.
Wouldn't you rather marry someone who loves you even you don't use magic to make them love you?I am looking for a free love spell to encourage a marriage proposal. Any wiccans have any advice or ideas? TY?
Too much barbage on your mind sweet heart ...Try to grow up a little, don't u?
:)I am looking for a free love spell to encourage a marriage proposal. Any wiccans have any advice or ideas? TY?
E-mail the situation to me and I will e-mail you back later.
I am a fourth generation Wiccan in the States.
ill have sex once were married
True wiccans believe that it is an abuse of power to use a spell on someone without them knowing or understanding. They say that kind of abuse comes back to haunt you later.
Try using some kind of spell on yourself to make yourself more attractive to your crush.
Wouldn't you rather marry someone who loves you even you don't use magic to make them love you?I am looking for a free love spell to encourage a marriage proposal. Any wiccans have any advice or ideas? TY?
Too much barbage on your mind sweet heart ...Try to grow up a little, don't u?
:)I am looking for a free love spell to encourage a marriage proposal. Any wiccans have any advice or ideas? TY?
E-mail the situation to me and I will e-mail you back later.
I am a fourth generation Wiccan in the States.
ill have sex once were married
True wiccans believe that it is an abuse of power to use a spell on someone without them knowing or understanding. They say that kind of abuse comes back to haunt you later.
Try using some kind of spell on yourself to make yourself more attractive to your crush.
Cant stay in my marriage and can't go.......the pressure is awful.....pray for me... advice?
I have had a difficult marriage for 23 years. We were both Christians of a sort when we married and I became saved but he did not. In fact, the difficulties we have faced have made me draw nearer to Christ and made my husband's heart grow hard. He is angry and lashes out at me daily. I thought it was my duty to stand by him and continue to pray for us, for him, for reconciliation and God's will. I have been doing that for years. I finally decided that all that effort was just me helping the holy spirit and also me rewarding bad behavior (the worse he acts the more apt I have been to make him a nice dinner, buy him some sports gadget he wants/tool, etc.). So my Christian side says thats what long suffering means---and I accept it. I also read that I am to continue to forgive and to continue to act like Christ. The counselor side of me says I am a codependent who needs to stop this, get an attorney and move on so that I can be of service to others, myself and God. Help?Cant stay in my marriage and can't go.......the pressure is awful.....pray for me... advice?
Talk to your pastor he knows you better and will be able to give you the best advice.Cant stay in my marriage and can't go.......the pressure is awful.....pray for me... advice?
First of all, yes, I will pray for you. This is a difficult place you are in. You are miserable, yet you want to do as God would have you do. Well, here are some verses out of I Corinthians to consider:
(Chapter 7: 10-11) ';And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.';
(Chapter 7: 12-16) But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?';
I am not going to tell you what I think those verses mean. God can lead you into knowing what to do. Just tell Him the way it is. I do know that God blesses obedience. God knows what you are going through. But know that whatever you decide, you need to have peace about it. I will pray that God would lead you to know what to do and give you peace about the decision. May God bless you.
I will definitely pray for you. I know divorce is never a good thing to resort to and you know that is sinning agents God. I think you should let God guard your heart and have him guide u through this struggle.
You can rely on God and His word, which is never wrong, or you can rely on your own understanding, which clearly has its shortcomings.
Find a Biblical counselor for the both of you.
As an atheist, you may not want to hear this, but to just back what I have heard from so many Christians when it comes down to a question that you may not want to answer. Maybe it is all part of your God's plan. That way you can blame it on your God and do what you want and not really have to think about it. It gives you a very convenient way out.
you need to bump that zero an get ya self a hero.
Sorry to hear your situation.. You know, there is a chance that you can pray, relinquish all your problems for God to intervene, and nothing will happen. I've been through this situation myself, and finally decided to make matters into my own hands. I was fed up, and didn't want to live like that anymore. I was afraid that I was going against God, and I would fail but I left anyway. I empowered myself, and I am better off than I was before. I wouldn't change a thing, and have not looked back. I sat there for years waiting for God to save our marriage, and this was not the case. Maybe your husband needs to lose what is valuable for him to see that he needs a positive change in his life? Maybe you were there to so your spouse would know about God, and that was his big chance to turn to God? Hanging on to a marriage where 1 person is working on the marriage instead of 2 is not a marriage, and I see no reason for you to suffer because of him.
this is one of the things i don't like about religion.
whatever religion you are you weren't put here to be abused or treated like dirt. you can and should leave if you're being abused.
you talk about long suffering....i think 23 years is plenty long.
i will keep you in my thoughts.
good luck and bright blessing to you.
As a divorced man I truly feel for you. I would suggest to do anything in your power to get marriage counselling, that may even be to tell him how much he stands to lose if you are divorced. The bright side is many who get counselling find a stronger and happier marriage than they ever had before. I wish you the best of luck only use divorce as the very last option. God bless and good luck.
I have been married for 18 years and it can be very hard.
The Bible is definitely the place to go for help with your marriage. I would like to share some articles with you that I found helpful. You will find the scriptural references throughout the article. I hope you can pick out some helpful information.
http://www.watchtower.org/e/200607/artic鈥?/a>
he lashes out on you daily.
if its physical call the police thats domestic violence.
you don't have to martyr yourself to be a good Christian. You can forgive him for his faults and behavior, and divorce him and move on, from a loving place.
I will pray for you, you sound like your having it hard but hold on to your faith and ALways Always keep God near you he'll see you through and your husband is just the devil who is trying to break your spirit but countinue to hold on God will help you.
Can't stay in the marriage %26amp; can't go. Why are you using the word ';can't';. Your feet still work don't they??? You are the only one stopping yourself. Why not separate at least temporarily and seek counselling? It won't be easy but why remain with an abuser. Contact your local shelter because verbal abuse is the first step to physical abuse.
I don't believe your religion requires you to live a life of misery. You need a support system in real life (not here) and you need to either get counseling with your husband or leave him. Good luck.
Talk to your pastor he knows you better and will be able to give you the best advice.Cant stay in my marriage and can't go.......the pressure is awful.....pray for me... advice?
First of all, yes, I will pray for you. This is a difficult place you are in. You are miserable, yet you want to do as God would have you do. Well, here are some verses out of I Corinthians to consider:
(Chapter 7: 10-11) ';And unto the married I command, yet not I, but the Lord, let not the wife depart from her husband: But and if she depart, let her remain unmarried, or be reconciled to her husband: and let not the husband put away his wife.';
(Chapter 7: 12-16) But to the rest speak I, not the Lord: If any brother hath a wife that believeth not, and she be pleased to dwell with him, let him not put her away. And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. For the unbelieving husband is sanctified by the wife, and the unbelieving wife is sanctified by the husband: else were your children unclean; but now are they holy. But if the unbelieving depart, let him depart. A brother or a sister is not under bondage in such cases: but God hath called us to peace. For what knowest thou, O wife, whether thou shalt save thy husband? or how knowest thou, O man, whether thou shalt save thy wife?';
I am not going to tell you what I think those verses mean. God can lead you into knowing what to do. Just tell Him the way it is. I do know that God blesses obedience. God knows what you are going through. But know that whatever you decide, you need to have peace about it. I will pray that God would lead you to know what to do and give you peace about the decision. May God bless you.
I will definitely pray for you. I know divorce is never a good thing to resort to and you know that is sinning agents God. I think you should let God guard your heart and have him guide u through this struggle.
You can rely on God and His word, which is never wrong, or you can rely on your own understanding, which clearly has its shortcomings.
Find a Biblical counselor for the both of you.
As an atheist, you may not want to hear this, but to just back what I have heard from so many Christians when it comes down to a question that you may not want to answer. Maybe it is all part of your God's plan. That way you can blame it on your God and do what you want and not really have to think about it. It gives you a very convenient way out.
you need to bump that zero an get ya self a hero.
Sorry to hear your situation.. You know, there is a chance that you can pray, relinquish all your problems for God to intervene, and nothing will happen. I've been through this situation myself, and finally decided to make matters into my own hands. I was fed up, and didn't want to live like that anymore. I was afraid that I was going against God, and I would fail but I left anyway. I empowered myself, and I am better off than I was before. I wouldn't change a thing, and have not looked back. I sat there for years waiting for God to save our marriage, and this was not the case. Maybe your husband needs to lose what is valuable for him to see that he needs a positive change in his life? Maybe you were there to so your spouse would know about God, and that was his big chance to turn to God? Hanging on to a marriage where 1 person is working on the marriage instead of 2 is not a marriage, and I see no reason for you to suffer because of him.
this is one of the things i don't like about religion.
whatever religion you are you weren't put here to be abused or treated like dirt. you can and should leave if you're being abused.
you talk about long suffering....i think 23 years is plenty long.
i will keep you in my thoughts.
good luck and bright blessing to you.
As a divorced man I truly feel for you. I would suggest to do anything in your power to get marriage counselling, that may even be to tell him how much he stands to lose if you are divorced. The bright side is many who get counselling find a stronger and happier marriage than they ever had before. I wish you the best of luck only use divorce as the very last option. God bless and good luck.
I have been married for 18 years and it can be very hard.
The Bible is definitely the place to go for help with your marriage. I would like to share some articles with you that I found helpful. You will find the scriptural references throughout the article. I hope you can pick out some helpful information.
http://www.watchtower.org/e/200607/artic鈥?/a>
he lashes out on you daily.
if its physical call the police thats domestic violence.
you don't have to martyr yourself to be a good Christian. You can forgive him for his faults and behavior, and divorce him and move on, from a loving place.
I will pray for you, you sound like your having it hard but hold on to your faith and ALways Always keep God near you he'll see you through and your husband is just the devil who is trying to break your spirit but countinue to hold on God will help you.
Can't stay in the marriage %26amp; can't go. Why are you using the word ';can't';. Your feet still work don't they??? You are the only one stopping yourself. Why not separate at least temporarily and seek counselling? It won't be easy but why remain with an abuser. Contact your local shelter because verbal abuse is the first step to physical abuse.
I don't believe your religion requires you to live a life of misery. You need a support system in real life (not here) and you need to either get counseling with your husband or leave him. Good luck.
Serious question for Muslim brothers and sisters, regarding marriage... Please offer advice?
Assalamu alaikum wa rahmatullahi wa barakatuh.
I have a serious question, and would like the input of my sisters and brothers here, inshallah. Please, no hateful answers. I know the opinion of my friends and family, and would like input.
Here is the situation: A sister has reverted ~*after*~ marriage, and has several beautiful children Alhamdulillah, whom she prays with. However, her husband has rejected Islam, and has asked her to pray where she is ';out of the way';, and has also said he does not wish for his children to be taught ';any religion';. They had looked into separation, however she asked him to reconsider.
The most common answer is for her to leave the marriage immediately, however there is a problem with this. She has been raising the children and taking care of the home for nearly 10 years, and thus has nothing of her own... so if they were to divorce, he would have custody of the children, and would raise them as atheists.
Please... advice?
Jazak'Allahu khairan.Serious question for Muslim brothers and sisters, regarding marriage... Please offer advice?
As salaam o alaykum,
First of all i will pray to Allah subhanahu taala for her help secretly and give hidayah to her husband Ameen.....
sister, actually islam belives that we as a humen being can not feed or look after any body, it is Allah subhanahu taala WHO takes cares of every body ......
regarding this issue... the situation of marriage is imporatant if at the time of marriage itself the man was not converted to islam then the marriage itself is not valid....and u know islam makes easy ways for all... but we makes it difficult by our own hands... this is such kind of situation...........
if u read the history of islam in early days definatly u will find the answers... where alike many case were there.. and our Prophit MOHAMMAD (PUH) has shown them ways.......
may Allah make the way easy for her......Serious question for Muslim brothers and sisters, regarding marriage... Please offer advice?
It is better for her to separate from current Husband and seek help from Government authority for Kids.
Even then she can get support from her ex- husband for kids.
Most important ask Allah Almighty for help, I guarantee, she will through this situation very successfully insh Allah.
I would also advice to get help from local Islamic center as well.
May Allah help you and your sister to get through this situation happily and according to Islamic way, Amen.
let her be patient, find a good job, and become more independent. and then ask for divorce for this man. also she can ask muslims to help her financially. some muslims with good income will be willing to help their sister for her cause. she can create flayer of her situation and put it in a mosque that she needs help.
She should be a good Muslim and submit to her husband. She should not teach those innocent children islam!
God Bless.
Raise them as atheists. That would be the best and most sensible option.
You gave no information as to where your sister is living. If it is in the USA, she can seek custody of her children and support from their father. Also, there are numerous social services available to help her get on her feet.
Custody can also be shared. When the children are with him, he'll teach them his way. When they are with her, she'll teach them about her religion.
The big problem will be to not do this in a way which is harmful to the children. Then when they are of age, they can make their own choice as to how they want to live their lives.
Your sister needs to let her children know she loves them with all her heart no matter which choice they make.
I'm not Muslim but hope this helps.
I'm no Muslim just an average guy, but I hope you read my humble opinion.
I think, to force a religion on someone, even if they are just kids, is not right. Especially if that causes separation and the children to grow up in a broken family.
Religion should not be a concern, and adults should be able put their personal(!) beliefs aside for the sake of their children, family and love, perhaps. So the mom should step aside and let the kids grow up as atheists, but at least in a real family, which is definitely their best interest. Your sister needs to think about what is more important in her life, religion or her children?
After the children grow up they can (and certainly will) make their own decision whether they want to be atheists or convert to Islam (or something else). But religion should always be someone's personal, most private, choice and not forced on them (and kids are not an exception either).
This is a tough situation. Most people are very close-minded and are threatened by anything that is different but the truth of the matter is SHE is their mother and she should not hide who she is or where she comes from. Just like she doesn't ask her husband to ';pretend'; to be religious. Her kids have a right to know their roots, even if they grow up and have different beliefs than hers (or her husbands). The kids will know what is right for them when they are old enough to decide for themselves. Different people have all types of different beliefs now days and it is ignorant of him to think that they won't be exposed to it. She should be strong in the way she raises her children and should proud of who she is. She is not a bad person because she believes in something and no one has the right to judge her except God. The kids come first. If he can't accept that then maybe he needs to talk to a therapist. Good luck.
since a muslim woman can not marry a non ,muslim,therefore this marriage is nullified,if at all she has become muslim,why now the faith in Allah absent pertaining to her present situation ?
she has taken a very positive step,now she MUST rely and Trust allah that Allah will help her out of her problems,and Insha Allah,Allah will give her strength and show her the path,of peace
I have a serious question, and would like the input of my sisters and brothers here, inshallah. Please, no hateful answers. I know the opinion of my friends and family, and would like input.
Here is the situation: A sister has reverted ~*after*~ marriage, and has several beautiful children Alhamdulillah, whom she prays with. However, her husband has rejected Islam, and has asked her to pray where she is ';out of the way';, and has also said he does not wish for his children to be taught ';any religion';. They had looked into separation, however she asked him to reconsider.
The most common answer is for her to leave the marriage immediately, however there is a problem with this. She has been raising the children and taking care of the home for nearly 10 years, and thus has nothing of her own... so if they were to divorce, he would have custody of the children, and would raise them as atheists.
Please... advice?
Jazak'Allahu khairan.Serious question for Muslim brothers and sisters, regarding marriage... Please offer advice?
As salaam o alaykum,
First of all i will pray to Allah subhanahu taala for her help secretly and give hidayah to her husband Ameen.....
sister, actually islam belives that we as a humen being can not feed or look after any body, it is Allah subhanahu taala WHO takes cares of every body ......
regarding this issue... the situation of marriage is imporatant if at the time of marriage itself the man was not converted to islam then the marriage itself is not valid....and u know islam makes easy ways for all... but we makes it difficult by our own hands... this is such kind of situation...........
if u read the history of islam in early days definatly u will find the answers... where alike many case were there.. and our Prophit MOHAMMAD (PUH) has shown them ways.......
may Allah make the way easy for her......Serious question for Muslim brothers and sisters, regarding marriage... Please offer advice?
It is better for her to separate from current Husband and seek help from Government authority for Kids.
Even then she can get support from her ex- husband for kids.
Most important ask Allah Almighty for help, I guarantee, she will through this situation very successfully insh Allah.
I would also advice to get help from local Islamic center as well.
May Allah help you and your sister to get through this situation happily and according to Islamic way, Amen.
let her be patient, find a good job, and become more independent. and then ask for divorce for this man. also she can ask muslims to help her financially. some muslims with good income will be willing to help their sister for her cause. she can create flayer of her situation and put it in a mosque that she needs help.
She should be a good Muslim and submit to her husband. She should not teach those innocent children islam!
God Bless.
Raise them as atheists. That would be the best and most sensible option.
You gave no information as to where your sister is living. If it is in the USA, she can seek custody of her children and support from their father. Also, there are numerous social services available to help her get on her feet.
Custody can also be shared. When the children are with him, he'll teach them his way. When they are with her, she'll teach them about her religion.
The big problem will be to not do this in a way which is harmful to the children. Then when they are of age, they can make their own choice as to how they want to live their lives.
Your sister needs to let her children know she loves them with all her heart no matter which choice they make.
I'm not Muslim but hope this helps.
I'm no Muslim just an average guy, but I hope you read my humble opinion.
I think, to force a religion on someone, even if they are just kids, is not right. Especially if that causes separation and the children to grow up in a broken family.
Religion should not be a concern, and adults should be able put their personal(!) beliefs aside for the sake of their children, family and love, perhaps. So the mom should step aside and let the kids grow up as atheists, but at least in a real family, which is definitely their best interest. Your sister needs to think about what is more important in her life, religion or her children?
After the children grow up they can (and certainly will) make their own decision whether they want to be atheists or convert to Islam (or something else). But religion should always be someone's personal, most private, choice and not forced on them (and kids are not an exception either).
This is a tough situation. Most people are very close-minded and are threatened by anything that is different but the truth of the matter is SHE is their mother and she should not hide who she is or where she comes from. Just like she doesn't ask her husband to ';pretend'; to be religious. Her kids have a right to know their roots, even if they grow up and have different beliefs than hers (or her husbands). The kids will know what is right for them when they are old enough to decide for themselves. Different people have all types of different beliefs now days and it is ignorant of him to think that they won't be exposed to it. She should be strong in the way she raises her children and should proud of who she is. She is not a bad person because she believes in something and no one has the right to judge her except God. The kids come first. If he can't accept that then maybe he needs to talk to a therapist. Good luck.
since a muslim woman can not marry a non ,muslim,therefore this marriage is nullified,if at all she has become muslim,why now the faith in Allah absent pertaining to her present situation ?
she has taken a very positive step,now she MUST rely and Trust allah that Allah will help her out of her problems,and Insha Allah,Allah will give her strength and show her the path,of peace
Why do I think sex before marriage is wrong? 10 points for the best advice. Thank you?
I care don't what other people do. I respect their choices..
However, I will never have sex before marriage. I think it is wrong. My father and I are very close. My father is a very old fashion. He raised me to a very traditional woman. I am not certain, but I think (hope) all women in my family is virgin bride. I respect and values that and cannot imagine break family tradition.
The problem is I have been in loved with this guy for 4 years. Since I was 18. He is nice and respect me. We have been to good and bad in the relationship. Whenever he mention about making love--I just run away in different direction. It is very frastratuted.
P.S. We are not planning to get marry soon--maybe 3-5 years from now. We are in your early 20s. We are both in college and just start our career.
Thank you.Why do I think sex before marriage is wrong? 10 points for the best advice. Thank you?
And your question is?Why do I think sex before marriage is wrong? 10 points for the best advice. Thank you?
If you get married and you cannot satisfy each other sexually you have a problem that you are stuck with for the rest of your lives. I have seen this happen twice before and the couples have been divorced within the first five years due to this very reason . Divorce is bad because you are in breach of you wedding vows but as to having sex before marriage I would rather go for the latter and be confident that the sexual relationship is compatible.
Sex before marriage just holds up the ceremony. Some guests are keen to get to the bar.
Girl be proud of your virginity. It is a gift to treasure and it is the only thing you have that is truly yours. Making love with another shows a profound level of companionship and interest in the other person. And usually, while we may physically be tempted, we are not always emotionally ready for this. Most people who make love before marriage regret it greatly after marriage as the memory of previous years will haunt them. Nowadays, making love has become a play object, and thus explains, the high rate of divorces and conflicts in relationships. People who were not emotionally ready and comitted to it are at the mercy of their feelings and emotions. If you can maintain your virginity until your marriage, you will have so much more control over not just your emotions but your actions and your life. And when you finally make love after you marriage, it would be so much more special and spiritual in nature. I hope that helps.
I don't know you but I'm very proud of you. Your father has raised you right. It's always best to wait until marriage for sex..........too bad our youngsters think otherwise. Continue to respect yourself until you walk down the aisle. Tell your dad............HIS WORK IS PAYING OFF.
:)
Well, If you LOVE this guy, you have to promise yourself that you will never sleep with him before marriage. Because if you both have sex, he will lose respect for you and will not marry you (I can see you are a traditional woman). I think it is best to keep this relationship respectful , work on you careers and then get married. :)
you girls are hard to find i would love it if my girl was a virgin but i cant change the past most girls in there 20s have had 10 to 30 men befor they marry. but we are not all the same just shows you love your dad and dont want to let him down and you take care of your body. has your boyfriend had sex befor?
It sounds as though you are going to marry your guy sooner or later. You are at a time in your life when everything you've learned thus far will come together and start you on the career path of your choosing. The same for your guy. I'm going to suggest something to you which may shatter your illusions or make perfect sense. Waiting a little bit more won't make or break you but waiting 3-5 years from now is going to kill this relationship. You've been together for 4 years already and it's time for both of you to truly know what it's like to be a couple and support one another in whatever you do.
If you don't wish to marry very soon then at least live together and make love together so that you can bring balance and harmony into that part of your lives. You're 22 years old now. If you wait, you'll be somewhere around 25-27 when you marry. It may not be ';traditional'; but traditions do soften with the passing of generations. The main thing that your family wanted to instill in you is not to give yourself away without much thought. You haven't done that and in this case I think it would be detrimental to your relationship if you waited much longer. You are very serious about him and he is about you. Why not give the gift of yourselves to one another along with a future you will share. There is certainly nothing wrong with that. I believe you've fulfilled your obligation to tradition. Now, you must conquer your fear!
first off the person who does not want to wait will not care for you after sex. meaning sex is most likely his top priority not the love part of the relationship..
second people will most def talk crap about you if you become prego. thats a fact unless your whole world is consumed by pervs...
third if you do become pregnant , good luck starting off as a single mother...
fourth. if the guy treats you like crap afterwards and loses interest you got NADA to say :) after all you lowered yourself,....
fith: thats why there is divorce so if a person disregards you then you are protected by law and entitled to monetary damages...remember marriage is also a business move deal and legalities must be covered to protect any victims ;)
true
You are a rare find nowadays, and while I commend you for attempting to stay a virgin until you are married, I think it is a mistake because you may end up losing your love. The reason you are determined to save yourself is because your parents brainwashed you from a young age into believing that premarital sex is wrong, and that you should be pure for your husband. Something that is so ingrained in you will not just go away, and if you do decide to have sex with your bf you will feel guilty for the rest of your life, unless you come to terms with the fact that you love him, he loves you and you will eventually get married. I will tell you though either get married sooner, or decide to make love because he WILL NOT stay for 3-5 more years without any additional intimacy. I am not being harse, but I hope you can see the fact that just because you want to stay a virgin until marriage doesn't mean 98% of the girls in your town do, and honestly honey he will go where the sex is flowing. I really have to disagree with the views of premarital sex, I don't think you are going to hell, or will be any worse for the wear in any way if you test the waters. Hmm I wonder why so many women have intimacy issues, and can't tell their partners what they want. Society thinks we should keep our legs closed until we are married, then only keep them open long enough to please the man and make a child, and continue to keep them closed until the man decides he needs/wants it. Glad I am not a traditional woman and have come to terms with my own identity and sexuality. GOod luck to you, I hope you heed some advice.
ask yourself this question, would you buy a new car without taking it for a test drive? would you buy a house before getting a survey done on it? would you marry someone that isnt going to satisfy your sexual, emotional, physical needs. i think not........... test and try before you buy.
saves alot of money on divorce fee's in a few years
You asked a question, then answered it yourself, so there's no real question. You explained why you feel premarital sex is wrong, and it is your right to feel that way and stand by your convictions and beliefs. Hopefully your boyfriend will respect your decision. If he does not, he's not the right guy for you. Stop running away when he mentions sex, and simply make it clear to him that sex is not an option for you, until after you have said ';I do';.
Frankly, it's an issue of trust and honesty. I married a ';nice Catholic girl'; who told me that she wanted to wait but that was something she wanted to be a big part of the relationship. I trusted her and we were married. We still did not have sex after we were married (not even on the wedding night). I was crushed. Then she cheated on me.
So, from now on, I test drive. Women lie about wanting it just to get married, find a father for their children, or a sugar daddy. After my first marriage, there's not a chance in hell that I would trust a woman who said she wanted to wait but that she knew it's something that she would want. Women who try and say that physical intamacy isn't important (and I've met a few of these, too) get kicked to the curb quickly. There's just no way I'm getting into another serious relationship where the person does not want to be intimate. It breaks your heart and it's wrong to lie about it up front.
So, I vote for test driving.
I give up, why do you think it is wrong? Any guy that is willing to wait that long for sex is a Yo-Yo anyway, and will probably not notice if he never gets any.
well the fact is that if you truly think he is the right one then he will respect your decision and wait until that time. If by some chance he isn't and you make that decision you can never take it back. I think it is wonderful that there are still decent moral people out there that follow God's word. If you will wait you will never regret that decision. You have waited this long so what is a little longer? Besides you wedding night will be always cherished.
I personally did not wait for marriage to have sex and I am happy that I made that choice. I waited for the right person, we have been together for over 6 years and are getting married this summer. It just seemed like the natural thing to do. I certainly was a good kid (never tried smoking, drugs, etc) made my parents proud and followed my family's values. I think it is important to know your partner sexually before committing to them forever. I know a couple that waited for marriage and they are completely different people ';in bed';. He is very traditional and she isn't....there is no chemistry and he says he is not attracted to her. They also do not believe in divorce and are extremely unhappy.
!if you really think that he will wait for 3-5 yrs to make love to you? if you think he will marry you, then, in the mean time he might see someone else, but if you think that he wont do that, then it's good. maybe you should get engaged to him, so you know that he will be there for you!!!
I do believe in sex before marriage, as long as it does not make you late for the ceremony!
I agree with you but ill go one further and say men should also stay virgins till they marry if they want a female virgin. Im a virgin and im waiting till marriage and im a man.
I give you high 5 girl.
Personally I belive that if you have sex before marriage then you did not marry the person because of love. You married for sex. Dont get me wrong. Marriage is no cake walk and I did not have sex before marriage. We have had some difficulty before and I hope our relationship will last forever. In my mind I feel that you have to be honest to first yourself and your mate. I explained how I felt to my wife and before I proposed.
I've never heard of such. You must be crazy. If I were him, I would run from you. He must be faithful so hold onto him.
keep your virginity. you are great. no before I do.
You gotta test drive the car before you buy it.
I respect your decision but that is a long time to not be with anyone..I truly think that if you do not eventually sleep with him he will just do it behind your back. What guy in his twenties is not going to have sex? think about it.
sex before marriage is a sin..sex is to be enjoyed in the convent of marriage says the Lord..I waited till I was married and I am happy I did...and feel good about it..that was my personal choice and my conscience and I were happy with it..you should do what you know will make you happy...
Good for you! I also have the same beliefs. I was a virgin bride and am so glad that I waited to share myself with just my husband. It was so special to experience that on our wedding night together. I know it is so hard to wait when you love each other, but don't give into your sexual desires when you have all your beliefs behind you. You will be so disappointed with yourself. After you are married, you will have your whole life to indulge in those desires. If your boyfriend truly loves and respects you, he will respect your wishes and wait until you decide to get married. Sex isn't everything in a relationship, however it is so wonderful when it is shared with your loved one when the time is right for BOTH of you. Kudos for deciding to wait! Good luck in your effort to keep going strong.
My compliments and praise to you and your father. It is really refreshing to be acquainted with someone that waited.
Religion. Also., social convenience of having people get married so ther is stabilitty and committment.
If you are intelligent and liek someone and want to have sex first, have it in that order. Being 'betrowthed' means you can do this.
This is clearly a choice you have made based on good teaching from your parents. Your solid relationship with your dad has put you in a place of confidence. That is wonderful. So, do not be swayed, particularly by people who do not hold your high moral standards. People will make it sound like it's not a big deal...they are wrong. Once it's done, you can't take it back.
Chris B. said, ';It may not be ';traditional'; but traditions do soften with the passing of generations. The main thing that your family wanted to instill in you is not to give yourself away without much thought. '; and '; Why not give the gift of yourselves to one another along with a future you will share. There is certainly nothing wrong with that. I believe you've fulfilled your obligation to tradition. Now, you must conquer your fear!';
Part of our problems in this country is that we've gotten away from our ';obligation to tradition';. I'm sure if you ask your dad he will not say it's ok because you've given it a lot of thought, or that it's time to soften the tradition. That's a lie and don't believe it! Most importantly, stand up for what you believe in. Make your position known and let that be the end of it.
Also, read God's word. Ephesians 4: 17-24 and Ephesians 5:3. Take a look at it. If he's not willing to wait, then he's not the one. Find someone who respects you and himself.
And what if HE ends up losing his virginity to someone else before the two of you marry?
That's the hypocrisy of religion.
I feel the same as you. Waiting until marriage is a good decision because you know that the only person that you gave yourself up for is the one you love. you know u wont be making any mistakes and if u can be loving with a guy until marriage without making it about sex than it shows compatibility with u and him and that this can work in the long run. it makes it more special
However, I will never have sex before marriage. I think it is wrong. My father and I are very close. My father is a very old fashion. He raised me to a very traditional woman. I am not certain, but I think (hope) all women in my family is virgin bride. I respect and values that and cannot imagine break family tradition.
The problem is I have been in loved with this guy for 4 years. Since I was 18. He is nice and respect me. We have been to good and bad in the relationship. Whenever he mention about making love--I just run away in different direction. It is very frastratuted.
P.S. We are not planning to get marry soon--maybe 3-5 years from now. We are in your early 20s. We are both in college and just start our career.
Thank you.Why do I think sex before marriage is wrong? 10 points for the best advice. Thank you?
And your question is?Why do I think sex before marriage is wrong? 10 points for the best advice. Thank you?
If you get married and you cannot satisfy each other sexually you have a problem that you are stuck with for the rest of your lives. I have seen this happen twice before and the couples have been divorced within the first five years due to this very reason . Divorce is bad because you are in breach of you wedding vows but as to having sex before marriage I would rather go for the latter and be confident that the sexual relationship is compatible.
Sex before marriage just holds up the ceremony. Some guests are keen to get to the bar.
Girl be proud of your virginity. It is a gift to treasure and it is the only thing you have that is truly yours. Making love with another shows a profound level of companionship and interest in the other person. And usually, while we may physically be tempted, we are not always emotionally ready for this. Most people who make love before marriage regret it greatly after marriage as the memory of previous years will haunt them. Nowadays, making love has become a play object, and thus explains, the high rate of divorces and conflicts in relationships. People who were not emotionally ready and comitted to it are at the mercy of their feelings and emotions. If you can maintain your virginity until your marriage, you will have so much more control over not just your emotions but your actions and your life. And when you finally make love after you marriage, it would be so much more special and spiritual in nature. I hope that helps.
I don't know you but I'm very proud of you. Your father has raised you right. It's always best to wait until marriage for sex..........too bad our youngsters think otherwise. Continue to respect yourself until you walk down the aisle. Tell your dad............HIS WORK IS PAYING OFF.
:)
Well, If you LOVE this guy, you have to promise yourself that you will never sleep with him before marriage. Because if you both have sex, he will lose respect for you and will not marry you (I can see you are a traditional woman). I think it is best to keep this relationship respectful , work on you careers and then get married. :)
you girls are hard to find i would love it if my girl was a virgin but i cant change the past most girls in there 20s have had 10 to 30 men befor they marry. but we are not all the same just shows you love your dad and dont want to let him down and you take care of your body. has your boyfriend had sex befor?
It sounds as though you are going to marry your guy sooner or later. You are at a time in your life when everything you've learned thus far will come together and start you on the career path of your choosing. The same for your guy. I'm going to suggest something to you which may shatter your illusions or make perfect sense. Waiting a little bit more won't make or break you but waiting 3-5 years from now is going to kill this relationship. You've been together for 4 years already and it's time for both of you to truly know what it's like to be a couple and support one another in whatever you do.
If you don't wish to marry very soon then at least live together and make love together so that you can bring balance and harmony into that part of your lives. You're 22 years old now. If you wait, you'll be somewhere around 25-27 when you marry. It may not be ';traditional'; but traditions do soften with the passing of generations. The main thing that your family wanted to instill in you is not to give yourself away without much thought. You haven't done that and in this case I think it would be detrimental to your relationship if you waited much longer. You are very serious about him and he is about you. Why not give the gift of yourselves to one another along with a future you will share. There is certainly nothing wrong with that. I believe you've fulfilled your obligation to tradition. Now, you must conquer your fear!
first off the person who does not want to wait will not care for you after sex. meaning sex is most likely his top priority not the love part of the relationship..
second people will most def talk crap about you if you become prego. thats a fact unless your whole world is consumed by pervs...
third if you do become pregnant , good luck starting off as a single mother...
fourth. if the guy treats you like crap afterwards and loses interest you got NADA to say :) after all you lowered yourself,....
fith: thats why there is divorce so if a person disregards you then you are protected by law and entitled to monetary damages...remember marriage is also a business move deal and legalities must be covered to protect any victims ;)
true
You are a rare find nowadays, and while I commend you for attempting to stay a virgin until you are married, I think it is a mistake because you may end up losing your love. The reason you are determined to save yourself is because your parents brainwashed you from a young age into believing that premarital sex is wrong, and that you should be pure for your husband. Something that is so ingrained in you will not just go away, and if you do decide to have sex with your bf you will feel guilty for the rest of your life, unless you come to terms with the fact that you love him, he loves you and you will eventually get married. I will tell you though either get married sooner, or decide to make love because he WILL NOT stay for 3-5 more years without any additional intimacy. I am not being harse, but I hope you can see the fact that just because you want to stay a virgin until marriage doesn't mean 98% of the girls in your town do, and honestly honey he will go where the sex is flowing. I really have to disagree with the views of premarital sex, I don't think you are going to hell, or will be any worse for the wear in any way if you test the waters. Hmm I wonder why so many women have intimacy issues, and can't tell their partners what they want. Society thinks we should keep our legs closed until we are married, then only keep them open long enough to please the man and make a child, and continue to keep them closed until the man decides he needs/wants it. Glad I am not a traditional woman and have come to terms with my own identity and sexuality. GOod luck to you, I hope you heed some advice.
ask yourself this question, would you buy a new car without taking it for a test drive? would you buy a house before getting a survey done on it? would you marry someone that isnt going to satisfy your sexual, emotional, physical needs. i think not........... test and try before you buy.
saves alot of money on divorce fee's in a few years
You asked a question, then answered it yourself, so there's no real question. You explained why you feel premarital sex is wrong, and it is your right to feel that way and stand by your convictions and beliefs. Hopefully your boyfriend will respect your decision. If he does not, he's not the right guy for you. Stop running away when he mentions sex, and simply make it clear to him that sex is not an option for you, until after you have said ';I do';.
Frankly, it's an issue of trust and honesty. I married a ';nice Catholic girl'; who told me that she wanted to wait but that was something she wanted to be a big part of the relationship. I trusted her and we were married. We still did not have sex after we were married (not even on the wedding night). I was crushed. Then she cheated on me.
So, from now on, I test drive. Women lie about wanting it just to get married, find a father for their children, or a sugar daddy. After my first marriage, there's not a chance in hell that I would trust a woman who said she wanted to wait but that she knew it's something that she would want. Women who try and say that physical intamacy isn't important (and I've met a few of these, too) get kicked to the curb quickly. There's just no way I'm getting into another serious relationship where the person does not want to be intimate. It breaks your heart and it's wrong to lie about it up front.
So, I vote for test driving.
I give up, why do you think it is wrong? Any guy that is willing to wait that long for sex is a Yo-Yo anyway, and will probably not notice if he never gets any.
well the fact is that if you truly think he is the right one then he will respect your decision and wait until that time. If by some chance he isn't and you make that decision you can never take it back. I think it is wonderful that there are still decent moral people out there that follow God's word. If you will wait you will never regret that decision. You have waited this long so what is a little longer? Besides you wedding night will be always cherished.
I personally did not wait for marriage to have sex and I am happy that I made that choice. I waited for the right person, we have been together for over 6 years and are getting married this summer. It just seemed like the natural thing to do. I certainly was a good kid (never tried smoking, drugs, etc) made my parents proud and followed my family's values. I think it is important to know your partner sexually before committing to them forever. I know a couple that waited for marriage and they are completely different people ';in bed';. He is very traditional and she isn't....there is no chemistry and he says he is not attracted to her. They also do not believe in divorce and are extremely unhappy.
!if you really think that he will wait for 3-5 yrs to make love to you? if you think he will marry you, then, in the mean time he might see someone else, but if you think that he wont do that, then it's good. maybe you should get engaged to him, so you know that he will be there for you!!!
I do believe in sex before marriage, as long as it does not make you late for the ceremony!
I agree with you but ill go one further and say men should also stay virgins till they marry if they want a female virgin. Im a virgin and im waiting till marriage and im a man.
I give you high 5 girl.
Personally I belive that if you have sex before marriage then you did not marry the person because of love. You married for sex. Dont get me wrong. Marriage is no cake walk and I did not have sex before marriage. We have had some difficulty before and I hope our relationship will last forever. In my mind I feel that you have to be honest to first yourself and your mate. I explained how I felt to my wife and before I proposed.
I've never heard of such. You must be crazy. If I were him, I would run from you. He must be faithful so hold onto him.
keep your virginity. you are great. no before I do.
You gotta test drive the car before you buy it.
I respect your decision but that is a long time to not be with anyone..I truly think that if you do not eventually sleep with him he will just do it behind your back. What guy in his twenties is not going to have sex? think about it.
sex before marriage is a sin..sex is to be enjoyed in the convent of marriage says the Lord..I waited till I was married and I am happy I did...and feel good about it..that was my personal choice and my conscience and I were happy with it..you should do what you know will make you happy...
Good for you! I also have the same beliefs. I was a virgin bride and am so glad that I waited to share myself with just my husband. It was so special to experience that on our wedding night together. I know it is so hard to wait when you love each other, but don't give into your sexual desires when you have all your beliefs behind you. You will be so disappointed with yourself. After you are married, you will have your whole life to indulge in those desires. If your boyfriend truly loves and respects you, he will respect your wishes and wait until you decide to get married. Sex isn't everything in a relationship, however it is so wonderful when it is shared with your loved one when the time is right for BOTH of you. Kudos for deciding to wait! Good luck in your effort to keep going strong.
My compliments and praise to you and your father. It is really refreshing to be acquainted with someone that waited.
Religion. Also., social convenience of having people get married so ther is stabilitty and committment.
If you are intelligent and liek someone and want to have sex first, have it in that order. Being 'betrowthed' means you can do this.
This is clearly a choice you have made based on good teaching from your parents. Your solid relationship with your dad has put you in a place of confidence. That is wonderful. So, do not be swayed, particularly by people who do not hold your high moral standards. People will make it sound like it's not a big deal...they are wrong. Once it's done, you can't take it back.
Chris B. said, ';It may not be ';traditional'; but traditions do soften with the passing of generations. The main thing that your family wanted to instill in you is not to give yourself away without much thought. '; and '; Why not give the gift of yourselves to one another along with a future you will share. There is certainly nothing wrong with that. I believe you've fulfilled your obligation to tradition. Now, you must conquer your fear!';
Part of our problems in this country is that we've gotten away from our ';obligation to tradition';. I'm sure if you ask your dad he will not say it's ok because you've given it a lot of thought, or that it's time to soften the tradition. That's a lie and don't believe it! Most importantly, stand up for what you believe in. Make your position known and let that be the end of it.
Also, read God's word. Ephesians 4: 17-24 and Ephesians 5:3. Take a look at it. If he's not willing to wait, then he's not the one. Find someone who respects you and himself.
And what if HE ends up losing his virginity to someone else before the two of you marry?
That's the hypocrisy of religion.
I feel the same as you. Waiting until marriage is a good decision because you know that the only person that you gave yourself up for is the one you love. you know u wont be making any mistakes and if u can be loving with a guy until marriage without making it about sex than it shows compatibility with u and him and that this can work in the long run. it makes it more special
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