Please Help!!!!Should I fight for my marriage or let it go,All your Advices are welcome.?

Sorry i try to keep it short but this is relationship drama.


Thank's to all of you who will take time to read and help me with an answer.


I am going to give a brief story of how it all began in order to help you be able to figure out an answer to my question.


My husband %26amp; I are going into our 10th year marriage.2 kids.everything started out like a movie.we were really enjoying the ways of our life until conflicts and unresolved issues got a hold of us .this is let say 3,to 4 years into the marriage.It quickly escalated into him mentally and emotionally abusing me.It was too early for me to quit but I manage to just hang in there.On the outside everything looked great.before I knew it the lack of attention ,the stress from (work,school,our first baby and all that you know typical of in any relationship).It about 6 years now in the relationship I become involved in an emotional relationship with this guy X.For a very short time let say for days or close to a month.But i come clean and told my husband about it.Well I am trying to cut off some details here,to avoid being too long.So he took half responsibility of my cheating and agree that we both should work to save the marriage.I bought me a new ring ,the next year our second baby was on the way.Only to find out one day that he is been seeking after all his Ex-girls,Asking his friends if they could help him trace anyone and find there where about.They did find one ,pass on the infos and he end up making contact with this one girl Z. One day I come across some e-mails and phone messages + pictures of her that she sent to him ,both talking about wanting to recandle their love.She knows he is married yet she seem to agree about becoming his mistress.He did told her blank that if she agree to his demand that she will always be 2nd place because he want to keep me ,specially for the kids ,but wanted her to come on board also.she never say OK but it was clear to me in all her messages that she still want him .By this time,me pregnant 7 month he is talking %26amp;planning to visit her bcse she lives in France.With all these evidences I confronted him.couldn't deny .he apologize and explain that he still didn't got over my emotional affair and wanted to get some of his old memories back.at this point In my mind I was thinking we have succeed our fight to save the marriage.Of course I was hurt ,so hurt that the baby surely suffer trough this as I become severely depressed.But he convinced me he will put an end to this.I cough him 2 time after he promise both time to stop.so i tricked him by changing his e-mail's password %26amp;after many tries.He gave up and open up a new account.I kept the old coming back ot verify from time to time.By this time the baby is born ,yet my hubby talked to Z one more time on the phone ,the baby was only few weeks old this time i cough him again.going ouside to talk while I am in the house with baby.O than started talking Divorce.he pleaded to behave.I know you all asking what?yes with a brain new baby,i didn't have a job at this time,+I keep telling myself that Z was far away ,for me to just Quit for someone who os working her way to come get all that I worked for all these years?So I keep letting go hoping that this time everything will e ok. Notice that My hubby move on from their old relationship almost 12 years ago now ,to this day she hasn't find a man to marry her.No wonder she was all on him with messages ,pictures and all that.Now about the calls I can't say for sure they truly ended but I have checked his cell phone for a year now ,he even deleted her number and e-mails.he also gave me his new account ,the one that he created after my trick he gave me the new password,he leaves his cell with me all the time.So he seem to have disconnected form her for a while now.As far as i checked I haven't seen any sign of him reaching out to her close to a year now.But she hasn't How do I know?remember i am in charge of the old account!! and that the one she has %26amp;almost every month since 2008 began she will send in some group messages.I kept this to myself just bcse didn't want to bring up her name and he (hubby)thinks he lost his old account.So wnat to see if we can forget about her.But Just last month she finally broke down and wrote a one on one message form her to my Hubby asking him to joint her myspace friends list.%26amp;tonight I went to see ,here she is with a message asking if he got her invitation to myspace.PLEASE ANYONE TELL ME SHOULD I EVEN BOTHER TO TELL HIM ABOUT HER REACHING OUT TO HIM AGAIN OR IGNORE IT ,IF I HAVE TO FIGHT HOW DO I deal with Z???????,she is so desperate.either i am here or divorced she sound determine to fight for her chance.It sad on one side that she really need a man this bad but the man is married with family.Please some advice!!!!.I will have to mention that he(hubby) is still more of the old guy ,almost no change at all on the emotional part,I struggle to this day ,often when we disagree oPlease Help!!!!Should I fight for my marriage or let it go,All your Advices are welcome.?
This is a deep story.


First off, congratulate yourself, pat yourself on the back. here *HUGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG* You`ve done a really wonderful thing going through all this, WHILE taking care of the baby. I`m sure this has taking a serious toll on your health and i think you should first make sure you are not severely stressed out. Make sure you are still eating healthy and working out every so often.





Now, this issue is really sensitive and i feel like i`m down on my knees because i feel i might be unable to help you. I honestly think that you shoudl try to see your options. He keeps promising you and breaking it. It seems like he is getting more desperate for the girl too. Make your not giving him, or showing some sort of love that he desires. I sort of seems like everything is falling about everytime you keep gluing it. Even if you are trying to use super glue it just keeps falling apart. I think you should have one final discussion with him, and make sure he answers EVERYTHING you want to know in your life. Ask him why he keeps talkign to her again, ask him what your not providing for him, and such and such.





Maybe if you do not have the same feelings for him as you used to, sometimes it`s best to move on. Sometimes you have to sacrifice some things to open it. I`M NOT TELLING YOU TO DIVORCE HIM, i`m just trying to help you think about the future. But if you do divorce him, please think about the kids, tell him about the kids. This is really serious, because this could really affect your kids future.





I`m sorry this is all i can think of..Please Help!!!!Should I fight for my marriage or let it go,All your Advices are welcome.?
Your just going to have to show him why he loved you over the other girl in the first place.

Report Abuse

Save your marriage. Before that, remove all your garbage.
been ther done that...sad to say some people never change. might b wist to cut ur losses and try to move on. Its better that hurting urself over and over again.
wait a second - you cheated and now you're upset that your husband cheated? WTF?





Tell your husband what you've discovered and collectively (but let him lead) tell this woman to shove off. It displays unity and she'll get the idea.
Stop playing games with your children's lives and find a relationship that commands some respect. You are too far gone in your present tit-for-tat. End it now!
well hun... it sounds like you have a really big problem. when i think of men cheating it is like an addiction to them. they know no different. if he re
sorry i did not read the entire thing.. but ill tell u my story..


im 17 and my parents divorced when i was 9. till this day i feel pain cuz i dont have a family thats together. we're always split. the divorce was the most heartbreaking and painfull thing i have ever went through with my family and i would do anything to have my mom and dad together.





even if your kids are young and wouldnt remember it they will still grow up with a sence that there's something missing. so for the childrens sake, pls fight for the marraige as hard as u possibly can.


i still feel very sad when i think about my parents and how much that affected me.





hope i helped with your decision.
i think if you have always known hes not that emotional its a choice you made when u got married. no marriage is 100% but try and see what u saw in him in the beginning. its not about you 2 anymore! my parents divorced it was the worst thng to go through i would never wish that on anyone... ignore her msgs and try and stablize your marriage so he wont go else where......communication is key dont play games or youyll go crazy best of luck!!!!!!!!!!
Long, but I read it because it means so much to you and I want ot understand what I am answering.


If you wan to fight for him, then you will have to make him feel like a man.


Start simple by giving him praises for all that he does.....he works hard to support you and babies! Tell him in simple words, like, honey, I am so lucky that you work so hard for us and our little family. I appreciate that or thank you for working so hard.


Hugs and kisses....be loving, be gentle with your words.....stop questioning him and start showering him with affection! You are the wife, you have more leverage than anybody! Focus on his qualities and bring it up with admiration.


Forget about Z.....because what you're doing is making him feel like the man he is. That will rekindle his love for you, and you'll get more sex in the process too.....try it and watch him slowly melt.


Make him feel like he is the only man in the world! I know it sounds crazy but it works almost all the time unless your hubby is truly a cold one....which I doubt!


Rediscover your husband! Change the way you talk to him and no matter how hard it is, bite your tongue and make him feel good about himself. That's all a man really needs to open up in a relationship....in time he will remember why he loved you in the first place!


Much love, luck and hoping for your situation! You are a good wife, but please stop being angry at Z.....your hubby opened the door for her to enter the relationship.....but you being on to it, shut it tight and don't ever open it up! Keep that info to yourself!


Move on to loving hubby and let us know what happens!!!





Please answer mine:


http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;鈥?/a>
Maybe you need a trail separation, to release the tension, to see if can naturally come back together, if not move on





Admitting to an affair is always foolish, it only hurts the other person and the same time gives them license to do the same. No upside to it

Especially ppl who are in strong marriages or ltrs: any advice or tips for a woman ending a dating break?

I am a youngish 40 something who is successful in every area of her life (work, the arts, friendship), except romantic love. I took ab. a three month break away fr. dating after a weird, heartbreaking string of bad dating experiences or short-lived encounters with a guy with serious control issues, a guy who turned out to be basically a player (or as they say in Trinidad, a sweetman), and a guy who only wanted to relate to me on the telephone.





Lately, I have been attracting guys who don't fit these profiles--thank God. Having done a lot of soul searching and healing, I am ready to start dating. These guys must sense it, so now I am starting to be asked out. This is not a coincidence.





I just don't want to make the wrong choices again. I have had good relationships in the past, so I don't know how things got so badly off track. Sometimes I think it is bec. I live in NYC, but I think this stuff happens everywhere. How do you avoid the controllers, players, and unavailables?Especially ppl who are in strong marriages or ltrs: any advice or tips for a woman ending a dating break?
In general, I believe that we tend to attract others based on the type of energy we put out, and where we go looking for prospective partners.





It sounds to me like you are already on to one very valuable lesson about finding a good partner, and need only a simple reframe to reshape your negative experience into this little gem of a positive:





Don't spend much energy trying to work out if he is the right guy to date. Spend the energy while you date him and ask yourself if he is acting right. Be prepared to drop him fast if he gives you any cause for concern. It's much easier to do this if you have little or no emotional commitment to the idea ';he's the right guy'; ahead of dating him.





Yes there are controllers and players, and it is no surprise you keep coming across them because they are generally single and doing their best to latch on to their next unsuspecting partner. That is why you keep meeting them! You can't avoid that reality but can tell them where to get off.





With that bit of general advice out of the way here are some great specifics.





Look at what needs and factors need to be met through a relationship





1) Spiritual


2) Emotional


3) Communicative


4) Financial and Material


5) Ideological


6) Attitudes to having/wanting children


7) Physical attraction


8) What do you need to be able to trust.





and others you can define for yourself.





When you date someone, ask yourself how they measure up. Any deal breakers? Does it look like its all good? It helps bring back some objectivity to the ';pink fluffy stupid'; stage where you think you have so much in common because you both happen to vote democrat and enjoy toast.





Lastly (almost lastly), for most of us, a long term relationship happens after several short term ones, which isn't a bad thing, just think of them as practical learning experiences, and kiss those ex's forward and wish them luck in their own quests. Sooner or later a one weeker becomes a one monther, and slides into a year.





You can't know ahead of time if that is what will happen, but you can tell in real time if your needs are being met and that is a better way to have good relationships than worrying about how long they will last.





The (real) last thing I'd say to you is to try meeting people through activities for which you have a passion, or suggests dates that involve something you have a passion for. You won't find many ';playas'; putting in 2 hours in a soup kitchen, at least not on the serving side of the bench. You won't find too many chauvinists at a womens rights meeting. Do things you enjoy for their own sake, and because theres a chance of meeting a guy on your wavelength. You have everything to gain from the activity and the possibility.





There are no mistakes, only choices (which are mostly limited only by our awareness of them) and how you deal with ';what happens next';. Don't be afraid of new prospects, don't be afraid of ending short term relationships that don't work. Sooner or later you will find one that endures for the right reasons.Especially ppl who are in strong marriages or ltrs: any advice or tips for a woman ending a dating break?
Our life consist of Fall %26amp; Rise things..but with those we learned from all obstacles that hinder along the way. I myself on my late 40's still in the verge to strugle life afar from my achievements in life and yet when it comes to heart i felt so unlucky hence i don't lose hope that someday magic ( i do believe on it,if your meant to be) may come my way or if not ready to embark being alone in my entire life and yet still happy even not as much as it is having someone in daily life in this world. We can't have everything in this world, God always have plans for us.
Indie,





The only thing I can tell you is what happened between Ronnie and I, 38 years ago. When we finished that last dance, I kissed her on the forehead for reasons unknown to me to this day. That moment is when she decided that we were getting married. I did not find out until later. I, also discovered, that is was the correct thing to do. I would not have done it any other way.





Remember the song, ';Some Enchanted Evening';. Look up the words. It sets the truth into music and words. Yes, you will meet a stranger across a crowded room. Your toes will curl and his eyes will appear to be confused, but you two were meant for each other.





With all hope and love,


Bill

Advice......I know i still care for my husband but i'm not sure i still love him, ten years of marriage you?

would think i would know if i love him. I'm not sure because i'm not happy, there's no enjoying things with him, we barely talk.


We have 3 children ages 4,8, %26amp; 16. we both work so were busy. I just can't figure out if it's just a rutt or if i want more, need to move on. Or maybe he wants to move on and just don't want to be the bad guy.


I don't know...........I'm just sad and don't know what to do and don't want to get a divorce if this is just something people go through after marriage and kids for so long. Anyone else ever felt this way, or been through this?? Please help.Advice......I know i still care for my husband but i'm not sure i still love him, ten years of marriage you?
Bunny I'm right there with you! Married 17 years, kids ages 15, 12, 8. As far as a ';marriage'; we have none. We're basically living seperate lives in the same house. Very very busy with kids, work, and not much time for anything else. When we get some free and/or kidless time we don't even attempt to spend it together. BUT no real issues: we are friendly, no fighting, abuse, drugs, kids are all great, we just have no husband/wife relationship anymore. It just seems to have gradually slipped away over the years. Thought about leaving but that sounds pretty selfish. And not much help here on Y!A - lots of ';kids'; and folks with unrealistic/fantasy ideas about how marriage really works out. Alot of people I've talked to (in the real world) have gone thru the same thing. It seems to hit after 10 years / when your in your 40's, but if you can suck it up most say things get better when you hit 50 or so (not sure what another 10 years will do to me though...!). It's just very lonely - not really at all what I envisioned marriage would be. Kinda tough too since early in our marriage my wife had some emotional problems and I invested alot of time and make life/career choices centered on what I thought would make her happy. She's much better now, but come to find out that you cannot make someone else happy - only they can do that for themselves.





Sorry to ramble - and no real solution or advice, other than to let you know you are not alone in this and its fairly common. But I think it will get better if you two can stick it out thru the dreaded 40's / teen years... Good Luck!Advice......I know i still care for my husband but i'm not sure i still love him, ten years of marriage you?
If there is no enjoying things about him, why are just there waiting for the enjoying things to happened to you? Would it be better if you, yourself make an enjoying things for him or for the whole family, whats the use of you two both working? Isn't it for the sake of the family to have an enjoying life?銆€
This is what happens when there's limited communication, or none at all.





I think, if anything, you need to just talk to him. I think it might just be an emotional stage, but that's my opinion. There's no way of clearing things up between you 2 if you don't talk to him.
I would think about just living with this feeling rather than thinking about leaving. You already know what it's like to be with him, how sure are you about what you will find after him? Are you that sure that things will be better for you?
It sounds to me like you both are bored AND busy. You really need to spend time alone. Get a sitter, go out and try to spice things up. I bet he'll be happy you did!!
Show this to your husband - then TALK TO HIM!





You should be talking to him not asking us.
You could watch the movie ';Fireproof'; with your husband or read the book ';Love Dare'; on your own.
Aw. I'm sorry you're having a rough time.





The first thing I need to tell you is that love is not a feeling. Love is a commitment. I know it's easier said than done, but I've heard it said that sometimes in a marriage, the only way it lasts is because both people are determined to make it so. In other words, no matter how you feel, you made a commitment to this man and you need to follow through on it!





So here's what you need to do. Talk to him. Tell him how you're feeling--underappreciated, overlooked. It's entirely possible that you two speak different ';love languages,'; and these feelings of being overlooked are caused by simple miscommunication. Read the book ';The Five Love Languages'; by Gary Chapman, let him read it, then discuss it together. Once you both figure out your own love styles, you can more effectively communicate love in the way you treat each other.





That's the long-term situation. In the meantime, another thing to do would be to ship the kids off to Grandma's for a few days, get a hotel room, and have a second honeymoon.





Believe me, divorce isn't the answer here. It's definitely a hard thing to do, but you and your husband have the power to save your marriage! You will be so glad that you did! Good luck!
You want to move on? That is not an adult reaction. When you have problems like this you are suppose to fill in your spouse. Tell him how you have been feeling lately so you two can work this out together. There is nothing that will make me stop loving my husband of 15 years. He is a good man with a good heart. He is very hardworking and supports his family. If you are not sure if you love this man why did you marry him? You have a family and are thinking of moving on. That is very selfish and you should consider finding time for you and your husband. Go on a date and actually talk to each other. Limited comminucation is one of the primary problems here. Don't blame it on work and not seeing each other that shoudl make you want him even more and crave time with him and the family.
I haven't been through this, but if you are not sure if it's just a rut or if you want to move on, stay put.


You should aim to be close to your husband at least three times a day - that can either be a hug, sitting next to each other on the sofa, or having an intimate dinner.


The only way you can know what's going on in his head is if you two talk - he may be able to sense that things aren't right already.


Don't make any rash descisions here, a divorce is really tough on children and it would be a shame if you went through this process then regretted it. Marriage and love are a commitment that takes alot of hard work to keep going - and you obviously know there's something there to stay with your husband through 3 children. Do everything you can to keep this marriage alive, whatever it takes, because if the time comes that it really is the end there should be no emotion behind yur descision - you shouldn't feel sad about it because you should know you and your husband have done everything you can to make the marriage work and it still wasn't enough. Good luck!
Bunny,


It doesn't sound like the marriage is really the problem but I do think you both have lost sight of why you got married in the first place.


The two of you need to get some alone time make a date in those diaries that appear to be running you lives, and sit down and TALK.





You may actually find you are both frustrated in your relationship for the same reasons. Then you two can reconnect like you both desperately want to do, and together make some plans as a couple and move you life forward.


Yes you both are in a rut but it doesn't have to be this way, work together to break the pattern that your lives have fallen into.


rediscover you passions and rediscover your passion for each other, i think you both have lost your selves in this life that has grown up around you. You both need to reconnect your self so you can reconnect to each other.





Then you can be honest about what you want in your life and what you want in you relationship.


If this doesn't work for you get professional help and do the work. what you will get on the other side is a stronger more loving marriage and kids who will know how to make a marriage work.





I think the to of you need to take a romantic weekend and get away for at least a few days and reconnect and rediscover each other.





I know you will do well and that things will make a turn for the positive for you, your husband and your family.





Best wishes to you all.
Hiya Bunny,





To me it just sounds as though you both are in a rut, you have a busy life, you dont talk, so your not feeling happy or loved.





What you need to do is make time for yourselfs apart from the kids where you two can sit down and chat... Communication is a big part of marriage, adult communication.. set yourselfs times and everything kids in bed by this time, this is our space where we talk about whats gone on during the day..





or try and get a sitter and have a romantic holiday weekend if u cant afford that, have a romantic weekend at home with candlelit dinners and re start it like your dating all over can be a lot of fun..





good luck x
i think that you both are so used to being parents and taking on that role that you forgot how to be husband and wife. you need to focus on yourself and ur husband. i mean if your USED to not being romantic with eachother then it just turns into a habit-- and then you get used to it and its now a part of your life you know? i think you both just need a vacation to SEE if you can rekindle it. sometimes kids take over your spouse. give that a try, maybe ur right, maybe your no longer in love with him but u can atleast try.

What advice can I give my friend who is dating a man that left her after 21+ years for a arranged marriage?

Her ex boyfriend is from Africa and has been leaving in the US. He recently left my friend after 21+ years for a arranged marriage. The one thing thats bothering me, is my friend and him are still ';TOGETHER'; like nothing ever happend. They were boyfriend/girlfriend about to get married. Then he dropped and told her he's getting married to a woman from Africa. His new wife lives here in the Statres also. He still tells her he loves her. They still go out. They are both acting like nothing has ever happend. He is a married man and as a friend I'm sick over this. Any advice I can give my friend? She doesn't deserve this!What advice can I give my friend who is dating a man that left her after 21+ years for a arranged marriage?
Wow. That is horrible. Any man who would even think of doing that to me would be shot - by me.





However, your friend is a grown-up and is fully aware of the situation. She consented to the terms of their relationship and there's not much you can do about it. If one day she chooses to end it, just be there for her. Till then, she has a right to choose what she believes makes her happy.


.What advice can I give my friend who is dating a man that left her after 21+ years for a arranged marriage?
i am sorry you are worried but in truth to be a real friend you can do nothing but be their when it all gets too ugly for her.sometimes to be a true friend is to say nothing until you are asked for your opinion and when that day comes and it will simply ask why doesn't he respect you
it sounds like a marriage of convenience .... nothing more





if everyone is happy


I would just stay out of it
maybe the man doesnt want the other woman and is just with her because of force. i understand how hard this could be though
It sounds like it's basically a marriage for show, especially seeing as it's arranged. If everyone's happy with the situation, why change it? Although, if the wife doesn't know, I can't say I'd be terribly impressed...
If she is OK with it, don't interfere...!!!
why should you worry if they are happy with it ......
Nobody who has dated a dinosaur has ever been dumped.

Help! I need advice. I am unhappy in my marriage, and I have been feeling this way for quite some ..?

I have been feeling this way for quite some time. Ive' spent 7 years of my life with this person, but i am so unhappy. We do have a child together, which I think even makes it harder to leave. I am tired of always being the one that does everything. From cooking, to cleaning, etc... I also do have a full-time job, and my day is not done until my son is in bed. It's just very frustrating that he does not help me out enough. Money is also an issue..... I'm almost sure that I do not want to spend the rest of my life with this person. I'm so confused!!!!!!Help! I need advice. I am unhappy in my marriage, and I have been feeling this way for quite some ..?
You are not unhappy in your marriage, you sound unhappy with your life. See a doctor and get help for depression.Help! I need advice. I am unhappy in my marriage, and I have been feeling this way for quite some ..?
sometimes you don't always make the right decision, but sometimes you have to make the decision right. you have a child together. there was something there in the beginning otherwise you would have never gotten together in the first place. maybe try counseling to get back to where you used to be at one time. its a least worth a try for your baby. if it doesn't work, at least you made an effort.
People tend to overuse the word ';confused';. You're not confused, you're very clearly frustrated, unhappy and stressed. You can try a conversation with him leading to marriage therapy and try to get your marriage back on a mutually satisfying track, or you can leave. This is up to you.
First talk to him if you can. If you honestly feel strongly about leaving then you and your child should go. Think of your child first, is he a decent step dad? alot of women feel they have all the burdens of any marital relationship. I suggest to you to look up Dr. Laura, she can be quite crude, but very correct with relationships,give har a try before giving up. good luck,
Seven Year Itch. You need a break. Take some time for yourself AWAY and see if you still feel this way. Everybody is having financial problems right now, and this can have a MAJOR effect on your relationship.





If you still feel this way, then yes you should divorce him.
When you get fed up the confusion will go away and you'll regret wasting so much time being miserable. Hmm, I would think having a child would make me want to be strong enough to show him how to be happy!
Life is short, leave while you can still start over.
Leave him. You and your kids will thank you later. Don't waste your time anymore.
Maybe he what's you to leave to but he's not saying it,if you leave first he will not have any guilt....
Have you tried... you know... TALKING to him?
live for your kid and try to improve things
Hunny I'm so sorry that you are feeling this way.


But to be honest with you made a vow for better or for worse and right now you are in the worse part of it.


Have you tried talking with him about your feelings? It sounds like your husband walks all over you when it comes to responsibilities of doing house work. but for someone to walk over you, you have to lay down and become a door mat!


So get back up on your feet give him a list of responsibilites and tell him that you work full time you are too tired to do them all and then stop doing what you asked him to do. Make him do his own laundry and if he doesn't well then he can have durty clothes


Try going and seeing a counselor. Take a wkend or a week long trip just the two of you do something romantic. Change your everyday life. Find why you fell in love..


Don't just decide to leave your husband, the father of your child cause you're unhappy..


Work on it.. fix it.. the ball is in your court what are you doing to do!!!

bridal make up

make up tips

Dating a marine for 3 months. He's talking marriage/Kids in 2 yrs. Any advice?

I ended a long term relationship 4mo ago. I have a 2yr old from that relationship. The Marine has a 6 yr old that lives states away. I Like him but don't know about Love yet. we only see each other about once or twice a week bc we live 45 mile apart. (both of us are moving soon and it will be only baout 15 miles apart) We text or talk on the phone a lil in between. I think I'm more into him than he is me right now but he says stuff like I miss you and he cuddles and is attentive to me when we are together but doesn't really keep me informed about what he is doing or where he is at when we are apart. I haven't told him this bothers me bc i don't want to seem nosey. I'm trying to deal with it but It drives me crazy to not hear from him for over a day. My phone is my life, he never has his on or the battery always dies. He also drink w/ his buddies %26amp; parties pretty hard a few times a month. I don't really do any of that. It hurts me to think we need to stop seeing each other but if it's not ment to be I would rather decide now that later. Should I just stop trying to be with him and find someone else or tough it out bc things will change when we can see each other more?Dating a marine for 3 months. He's talking marriage/Kids in 2 yrs. Any advice?
I was personally through a divorce and have two kids from it. I am now very happily married again and my wife just had a beautiful daughter.





When I started dating after the divorce I attempted to have a relationship only 4 months after we separated. I told myself that I was OK and that it was not a rebound thing, but looking back on it now, it was exactly that.





We all need companionship, caring, and affection, especially when we have broken off a long term relationship. That does not mean that it is bound for marriage and it also does not mean that you need to make a decision on it right now. You are allowed to enjoy what you currently have without thinking of where it will lead.





When I look back on my situation I think that the best thing for me would have been to stay out of a long term relationship for a while and regain my sense of independence and self, that is sometimes diluted in a long term relationship.





My current relationship started very lightly and SLOWLY became deeper and more intimate.





In summary... take it one step at a time. You are in a difficult emotionally charged place...its time to think short term.Dating a marine for 3 months. He's talking marriage/Kids in 2 yrs. Any advice?
you need to talk to him and tell him how you feel if your not ready you need to tell him because he might think your leading him on if you keep this going and when the time comes and you say your not ready it could really hurt him that's if he is true and sincere about marriage.
Personally, I would try talking to him about how you feel about everything. Make sure you explain it to him also.





Best wishes.





SEMPER FI!
If he is this way now- when dating, its very possible that he remains that way if you guys were to be together long term or get married. Then again- its also possible that he might change once he really starts to like you more. The thing is with us women is, we tend to think that the men we are with will change someday, and most times they do not. So you go with what your heart is telling you, and you'll eventually make the right decision. If he is not the one for you, Mr. Right will come along someday, hopefully sooner than later. Good luck!

Is it naive or stupid to wait till marriage to have sex? For a guy? I'm a 20 yo male virgin. Advice?

Sure; take the risk of getting a girl you don't want to marry pregnant or get a disease that will take days or more to recover.


Have sex with some girl who will expect that to mean you're entirely and exclusively hers and try to end that relationship.


Or have sex with a girl then find out she's got a boyfriend or husband and now your in deep pooh.





Sex is fun, but having it outside of marriage comes with too many consequences.Is it naive or stupid to wait till marriage to have sex? For a guy? I'm a 20 yo male virgin. Advice?
if you and your future wife are both virgins until marraige, neither of you will be dissapointed by the end.Is it naive or stupid to wait till marriage to have sex? For a guy? I'm a 20 yo male virgin. Advice?
It is not stupid to wait till marriage. Just think how wonderful it will be for you and your wife to be the first and only with each other. Just knowing there is no one on earth that has touched either of you in such a personal manner is spine chilling. We most definately should teach our children to respect themselves and not to have sex with anybody till you are married.
No by you being a virgin you are honoring God with your body. There is nothing wrong with being a virgin. You will be so much more blessed by keeping that way.
Absolutely not stupid. Do not listen to people who would like to take over your thinking for you. Your decision shows that you are a thoughtful, reflective person who is trying to figure out what it really means to be a human being rather than what popular media tells us we are.





People are not to be used as toys or lab rats to be toyed and experimented with for pleasure or curiosity even if they are willing.





Make your own decision for your own reasons. Be true to yourself.
I waited, I'm very happily married. To confuse things creates distrust... Absolutely none of the marriages I know are better for having prior relationships, except for those few who truly have learned to love without lust.





The Spirit is all one, let your love for others be principally through that...





Bodies are for the development of the species in degrees of the respective kingdoms, and should not be construed as the be all, end all, at any moment. Current times call for a trustworthy monogamy for most to be happiest in this life, other times require different things, but this is our time.





God bless.
It may be naive, but not necessarily stupid. However, there are a few things you may not have considered. If you're like many people your age, you may not marry until you're 30 or older. Do you really wish to go without sexual intimacy for another decade?





As for the whole ';sex outside of marriage is a sin,'; that's a crock and I think you know it. If the godsters genuinely believed it then there wouldn't be nearly so many divorces.





In the end, you have to go with what works for you. If you don't want to, you don't have to. But don't hold back out of fear. It's a waste of life to use fear as an excuse to avoid risking your heart.
Just have sex already, you only have one life. Live it.
it is better to wait and not be confused by your feelings than to do it and wonder for the rest of your life why you didn't wait.
It's only naive or stupid if you consider it to be so. I don't. I think it is an admirable thing to do, and very difficult. My advice would be to keep doing what you're doing. You have no idea how much religious girls dig that guys wait for their spouses. You will earn major hubby points with your future wife if she shares your beliefs.
Yes, because contrary to what you have been taught, sex outside of marriage is NOT a sin. The only sin is if you have sex with a married women.





';SEX OUTSIDE OF MARRIAGE IS A SIN';





Is it? Fundamentalists would have us believe it. But the Bible is unclear. In Exodus, chapter 20, we read the Ten Commandments, and are told that we should not commit adultery. Adultery however is not defined as simply having sex outside of marriage. It's defined as having sex with a married person. Nothing is said to prohibit sexual relations between two unmarried people. In fact, if we look in the book of Leviticus, we are given a list of every situation in which we should not have sex. We're not to have sex with married people, or with family members, or with animals. We are not, however, prohibited from having sex with an unmarried person who is not in our family.





A few people have interpreted Deuteronomy 22:13-21 to be against pre-marital sex, but when we actually read what's there we see it's about lying and bringing disgrace to one's father, not about sex. In these verses a man is given a bride by another man, and then goes to court to claim the woman was not a virgin. The verses then say that the bride's father must prove she was a virgin. If he can prove it, the new husband is fined for bringing shame upon the bride's family by claiming he was given a faulty bride. If she cannot prove she's a virgin, then she is put to death for being a harlot while still in her father's house. Notice that there is nothing said about the man not being a virgin, and there are no equal punishments brought against men. Why? Because this is not about having sex. It's about a woman who is still considered property, meaning she lives in her father's house and is being given to another man (in exchange for money), taking it upon herself to sleep around and thus destroying her value as a bride worth selling. In this case, the woman having sex brings shame to her family by making the father out to be a liar when he accepts money from a man who wants to bed down with a virgin. In short, while having sex outside of marriage is not forbidden by the Bible, the women not being honest about it brought dishonor to her father, which is a sin according to the Ten Commandments.





Another verse, often quoted by itself to condemn sex outside of marriage, is Exodus 22:16, where we read ';If a man seduces a virgin who is not betrothed, and lies with her, he shall give the marriage present for her, and make her his wife.'; But when we look at the verse immediately following, we get a whole different picture. In verse 17 we read, ';If her father utterly refuses to give her to him, he shall pay money equivalent to the marriage present for virgins.'; Just like the Deuteronomy reference we can clearly see this is not about sex, but rather is about destroying a commodity - a virgin daughter who can be sold for a price. In these Exodus verses it's spelled out even more clearly. There is no mention of immorality, nor is the man who seduces the woman penalized for having sex before marriage - only for having sex with a virgin, and even then his only penalty is to pay the father what the woman would have cost as a virgin.





Some places in the bible, such as Mark 7:21, state that ';fornication'; is a sin. Fundamentalists like to interpret that as meaning ';sex outside of marriage.'; It's not true. The Greek translation identifies ';fornication'; as being any ';illicit (illegal) sexual activity.'; However, as we saw above, God did not mention sex between two unmarried people as being illicit. Interesting. And, in fact, we read in 2 Samuel chapter 5 where some of God's greatest leaders, such as King David (whom God called a man ';after his own heart';), had hundreds of wives and hundreds of unmarried concubines (women kept in the house for the purpose of having sex). None of these were considered sins. It is only when David had sex with another man's wife (2 Samuel 11:1-5) that he committed the sin of adultery.





';SMOKING IS A SIN';





Like other so-called sins on the Fundamentalist list, there is no mention of smoking in the Bible. Rather Fundamentalist minds have decided that smoking is a sin based on 1 Corinthians 3:16, where we are told that our bodies are the temple of God. However, what most Fundamentalists forget, or never knew to begin with, is that in Matthew 15:11 Christ specifically says that it's not what goes into the mouth that defiles the body; rather it's what comes out - such as hate, evil speech, and lies. see fundys.com for more info
Well, are you Christian? If so you should know not to.





The commandment thou shall not commit adultery is rather clear. If you trust that you won't turn to a different woman after her then what's stopping you from getting married?





I hope you take my advice on waiting for marriage.
Do what you want. Freewill is good.
It's neither naive nor stupid. If a man does not feel ready to start his sexual activities before marriage, there will be no harm done.
I don't think it's stupid or naive at all - I'm also a 20 yr old and I've decided to wait until marriage. I think it's something you have to decide for yourself and just accept. Thinking you're bound to do so because of religion is one thing, but actually believing in it and abiding by it is another.





I'm glad to hear that I'm not alone in this - I was getting frustrated that people saw waiting as an old-fashioned or outdated notion, but knowing that others share this viewpoint is reasurring.
Would you buy a car without kicking a few tires?
I think it's stupid to be running around on Maury to find out who is the father of your seven children that you got while test driving and crashing.
I've asked a related question two times in the past year and one half. Both times I asked if anyone wished that they had intercourse before they did, and in only one case did I ever hear anyone say they wish they had done it sooner.





For those who waited until they had marriage, not one person said boy they wished they had sex earlier.





It's only something you regret while you are waiting, or after you have started, if you can't get it again. But, if you wait for the right person, you will be glad that you waited.





What you are experiencing is the world teaching you that you have to give in to your desires and that it's unhealthy to wait.





Advantages to waiting


Virtually no risk of STD or AIDs


No child created outside of a marriage


Your first time will be extra special and much more memorable
I think it's a personal choice. It can be damaging if you only do it because others expect it of you. But if it's something you want for yourself, then to wait or not to wait should be your choice.
Not stupid at all. You have saved yourself from helping produce an unwanted child and getting various sexual diseases. Some deadly.
And they say the cost to being a religious person out weighs the benefits of finding out what happens after we die.





Enjoy all the sex you can while you are young. As we age the equipment deteriorates.
Looks like there's a wide range of opinion on this subject. I'm with those who say wait til marriage. I wish there were more young men (and women) like you.
The idea doesn't have to be marriage. Society just uses that institution to define what you should be looking for. A loving special relationship with someone you want to be connected to forever on the deepest level imaginable. That is what sex should be, a deep spiritual connection. If you need that to be defined first with a state and/or church sanctioned piece of paper, then that's ok too.
What if you marry her and she sucks in bed? And I don't mean in a good way. LOL thumbs down? You people are insane.