What is your best advice for a young married couple with children, to help us have a great, long, and happy marriage?For those of you with long, successful marriages, what is the best advice for...?
Respect your marriage - make it a priority and treat it as the most precious relationship in your life because it is. Your marriage is the foundation of your family - without it, your children don't have a family. They have a broken home.
Your spouse is the only person who promised to be by your side for life. You left your parents/family to be with your spouse and in turn, your children will leave you. If your marriage is to last a lifetime, you must never forget that everything begins and ends with the two of you.
There will be difficult times. It's easy to be kind and loving when things are going your way, but when they're not shows how deep, how committed and how genuine you really are. Unconditional love means separating the action from the person. You can still love your spouse even when you don't like what they do. No matter what your kids do, you love them anyway - give your spouse the same value. He/she is your first family and deserves it.
Set the example for your children of what a committed, loving relationship looks like. They will feel secure, loved, valued and will pay you back with respect, learning to make good choices and decisions and living the legacy you create for them. I can't tell you how fulfilling it is to look at your wonderful kids when they are in their 20's and say ';Honey, look what WE did together!'; Wow.
Work on your marriage. Whatever you want it to be, you must create and sustain. Over time, things will change - you move, take new career directions, come into new financial positions, children grow up, etc. Your marriage should be able to grow and evolve with the changes in life and be strong enough to endure and overcome the associated challenges. If it can't, you have lost each other somewhere along the way. Find your way back.
Share your dreams and work as a team. This way, whatever your goals, you always have 2 people working to make them happen.
Finally, live your life together on the premise that divorce is not an option. Whenever you find yourself standing against your spouse, recall yourself to unity. What are you really fighting for? What are you willing to lose so you can be right or get your way? Sometimes we get so caught up in being right that we lose sight of what it costs. In recalling yourself to unity you will realize that the one who thinks he/she is 100% right is usually the one who is dead wrong.
I've been married 27 years and we have been empty nesters since September. My husband is my best friend and I am his. We share everything and hide nothing from each other. Having known him almost 30 years, I know exactly what his weaknesses are. He knows at times I'm no prize either! We also understand that the way around the parts we don't like is to accept them without focusing on them. Whatever you pay attention to expands, so we put our energy into bringing out the best in each other. In other words, always remember why you fell in love with your partner in the first place! If that is the person you see whenever you look at your spouse, you will always not only love him/her but be ';in love';!
Marriage can be the most beautiful, fulfilling and meaningful relationship in your life. It is the privilege of not only sharing your life with another, but participating fully in the life of another. Thinking of it this way keeps me focused on what I can be to my husband that will make his life happier, richer and more rewarding for having me in it.
All the best! And good for you for asking!For those of you with long, successful marriages, what is the best advice for...?
I think Volleyball Mom has the right idea and I take it a little further. First there will be things you two do with the children. Second there needs to be time you continue to do with each other. Be sure you are connected with common interests to do things together. Whether it be going out to dinner, show, play, or any event that allows you that special time as a couple. One of the nice things to do is to go to a resort or location where bed and breakfasts places are common. Nice hot tubs, nice comfortable rooms with a nearby common room to be with other guests to read or have conversations. The personal touch away from home. Spouse interests that are mutual could be traveling, sightseeing, including visiting historic places. Hiking and sport activities being golf, or cross-country skiing. (down hill too) As Volley Ball Mom put it so well, when the kids are gone the two of you can still continue the closeness. If you try harder at those things your marriage will flow after the children go, and you will understand how a great, long and happy marriage happens......
You both need to set aside time for yourselves (the individual) and for your other various roles (husband / wife, father / mother). Children require love, food, cloths %26amp; shelter but they also need to respect boudaries (and the time between husband / wife).
Don't over complicate your life, your chilldren don't need to have ';acitivities'; planned every day of the week (or even the majority of the days in a week). I've seen a couple of marriages fall apart because the wife decide her children all had to be going, going, going (soccer, ballot, learning the piano etc. etc.) All that did was kill their finances (stuffs expensive), she was always tired and the relationship between husband / wife fell apart.
Just remember to minimize the drama. All those things that get on your nerves will seem like nothing next week. Just mention it, work on it and move on!
Work as a team when it comes to the kids, together not against each other. You need time for your marriage too, so go out on date nights, or arrange one for a night after the kids go to bed.
Make 20-30 minutes everyday just for you two to talk and hang out. If you can do more than this by all means do so. Sometimes just waking up early to have 20 minutes to share coffee or grabbing 20 minutes before bed to discuss a book you both read... these make you closer. And this time does not include sex or anything else, just enjoying time together.
If you argue, do it with the idea that you love this person in mind. Talk more than yell, even if they are yelling.
If your sex life begins to suffer... just do it every day for a week or two... it will rev up again.
Most important: Work your problems out together, not separate. If you need counseling, go for it! It is not shameful at all. And never be afraid to say to your spouse ';You piss me off, but I love you';
Have a ';date'; night at least once a month.
One day a week with no company or visitors or errands or obligations. Spend that day as a FAMILY UNIT.
Eat dinner around the dinner table at least three times a week.
BUT! Give each other room to breath on a regular basis without whining or complaining because YOU are not the center of your mate's ever present UNIVERSE.
Give her/him a room in the house that is THEIRS to destroy, decorate, what have you as they see fit and don't criticize about it.
LISTEN! Stop your yapping and LISTEN to each other!
Let him/her sleep in on their day off and assume the other's role for the day. Work is hectic for everyone, not just you.
Never go to bed MAD at each other.
Always make, ';I love you'; the last thing you say before you leave the house to go places and don't expect a response. If something happens to you after you leave, you don't want anything but that ';I love you'; to be what your mate remembers....
Remember things that are special to your mate and firmly LODGE them in your thick skull! Trust me, he/she will ADORE you later for the creative ways you can bring those things back as a surprise, a gift, or ';just because';.
Flowers are for men and women.....even if it's just one single freakin' rose delivered to his/her work, men and women really DO like that sort of attention. Shut up men! Yeah, you're embarrassed but you KNOW you like that too!
These are suggestions but if you read through them? You get my drift. Your relationship is not ALL about you! It's about each other equally and as suggestions?
They're pretty practical and easily adaptable to about ANY relationship don't ya think?
i have been married 11 years and fairly successfully %26lt;neither has cheated that i know of%26gt;
my advice would be to keep in mind that marriages and relationsips in general take WORK.. it does NOT just happen...
ohhh yeahhh and ya know those people that say don't go to bed mad... IGNORE them...
each relationship has to find it's own little area to survive in.. if you try to make yours like anyone Else's %26lt;your mom and dad or friends%26gt; it will die... like flowers each one is unique and there is no formula for how to make it survive and thrive... you have to constantly watch it and give it what IT needs.
One word and look it up in Webster's Dictionary.
'Empathy'
If both people are considering the other persons best interests and desires before taking a action or making a decision then both people win. It's when it all becomes about ME,ME,ME is when marriages fall apart.
Never go to bed angry. Remember you are a team, don't let anything come in between you. Pick your battles wisely. Share all responsibilites equally. Have alone time often. Compliment eachother daily. Be eachother's best friend.
14 years here Make a date night. You have to stay connected as a couple not just being mom and dad. When the kids grow up you have to still be the two of you.
50/50 partnership
compromise
communication
trust
spend time for yourselves
take time out to reconnect once in a while
work to live not live to work
work/life balance
talk about everything, never keep secretes and meet one another's needs.
compromise
Be honest with your husband and don't cheat.
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