Any advice for getting past the anger of a failed marriage?

have been married for 11 years, he had 2 affairs, we seperated then he came back ';changed';. He then suprised me with a vow renewal ! unfortunately those vows only lasted about 1 1/2 years. I don't want him back because it would only continue but I don't know what to do with all of this anger. it's consuming me. i dedicated everything to my family and stayed home with our children, one of which is type 1 diabetic. i find it hard to even be civil and that is NOT how i want to be.Any advice for getting past the anger of a failed marriage?
Dear Benamora,





First, I'm sorry you're going through this. Clearly it's very, very difficult.





Now, I'll tell you something that may not help today, but if you think about it for a while, it may help sooner rather than later.





Grudges are very heavy burdens to carry. They weigh you down, and limit your options. You can't go here, you can't go there, you can't do this, you can't do that. All because of the load you are carrying.





Not only that, but other people will see it, too. They'll think to themselves that as much as they'd like to help, there are no handles on that heavy thing that they can grab. And they will pity you. And they will wish that you would just set the dang thing down so you will be free to rejoin the dance of life that is all around you.





Yup. You'll be giving your ex a free pass. But at the same time you will be freeing yourself AND your kids from the prison of your anger.





This is not to say he doesn't deserve your anger. I'm saying it's more important that you deserve your freedom from it. And so do the little ones. Do it for YOU. Do it for THEM.





It's not about him winning, he doesn't. He's a piece of you-know-what, and he gets to live his loser existence with that fact. It's about you and the kids winning, and once the anger moves out, and practicality moves in, you start to win.





You get to see, to experiment with, and to embrace the good things life has to offer instead of wasting your energy being angry with the bad.





I hope this helps. Good luck!Any advice for getting past the anger of a failed marriage?
You must find a way to deal with the anger through counseling or a support group. Get past the fact that your marriage failed. He lied and cheated. He betrayed you over and over. I think a positive start is to pat yourself on the back for taking control of your life again and if you haven't filed for divorce yet, do it.





If you allow yourself to be angry to the point that it consumes you, he wins. Let it go. You can handle whatever the future brings you.
I understand your anger but to be honest are you not also angry with yourself? I know I would be. Anger is energy that needs to be expressed appropriately but harboring anger and resentment destroys your passion. No reason is a good reason to hang on to anger, do whatever it takes to eliminate it, like write, dance, exercise and find something positive to look forward to.
I am in a similar situation I am trying to redirect my anger and not let it consume me all be it hard at times. Talking with others about how you feel a friend member of your church or even a counselor for yourself. My marriage is ending and the only reason I have is that I worked too much I am very mad depressed and angry as to not knowing the reasons why she wants out. Having any kind of closer will probably not happen and I am accepting that fact now but I harbor anger that sometimes comes through. When I feel that way I try to focus on the more important things around me focus on your children hold hug love you can not change him or what is going on around you with him. The bile rises up but remember if you do have kids set the bar higher for him be civil show you are in control and if all fails scream at the top of your lungs in the woods. Or you could just shoot him not recommended. I wish you the best of luck in overcoming this problem come back here talk to people in the same boat. Remember you are not alone.
Don;t let it consume you or it will and probably IS affecting the kids. Remind yourself that it wasn't a waste because you have beautiful children. Take care of yourself mentally and physically and NEVER let the bastar d see that you are unhappy! It will eat him alive wondering why you are sooooo happy ;o)
Aside from the affairs(My problem was emotional abuse)seems like we are going through the same situation.





I am very angry right now,but i think once my legal seperation is final,I will let it go somewhat.I have 4 children and I HAVE to be civil...for their sake.


Email me if you'd like to talk. Good luck.
Apparently you've pulled more than your share in the relationship and yes it can be frustrating, but don't be angry about it, look at it as you are the better person for staying home and taking care of your children and holding the family together with or without him. He obviously doesn't know what he wants if he's had 2 affairs and keeps coming back. You can clearly take care of your children and yourself alone, so I suggest you stand up to him and tell him no more, you and your children don't need to be put through all the drama and the kids always wondering if daddy is coming home or is going to someone else home to stay for a while, it's wrong. I'm sorry about your marriage, i've ben through 2 divorces myself. I hope my answer has helped
Get this guy out of your life. Its ok to be angry. Its part of grieving. Time will make it less intense.
Take your life back. You are allowing your anger to consume you, for what? Ask yourself, what is this really accomplishing? What life lesson have you learned from all of this? (try and think a lot about this one) Make the choice to change your behavior and the only way you can do that is to make up your mind to stop being angry and figure out what kept you in that place for so long. He tried, you tried, but it didn't work. Best of luck.
It is going to take a while to simmer down. It is normal. After all you were married 11 years. In the meantime keep doing what you are doing. Busy yourself with your family and surround yourself with positive people.
Your anger is valid. Just don't let him get the best of you.


The kids need a stable parent and you seem to be the one. Pray daily...
Take him to the cleaners, seems a no brainer.