Best advice for a marriage on the rocks?

My husband and I got married almost 4 years ago. Since we got married we've been in a constant state of stress. We moved across the country for a job at the beginning of our marriage, knowing no one, and leaving behind family and friends. We were miserable all along and it took us years to make connections with people. Amidst all that we had our beautiful daughter, but as you know children put stress on a marriage. We always stuck together and through most of the early hardship. However, recently we have hit a really rough spot in our marriage. My husband was let go from his job about 2 months ago, around the same time we lost a baby. Since then it just seems we can't connect. We are constantly stressed and freaked out over finances on the verge of losing everything. We both have a lot of questions as to why we got married, and if we could do things differently would we still be together. In this struggle it has brought about alot of hidden thoughts of unhappiness we've had with our marriage.


I feel like I'm living with a stranger, and it breaks my heart. We both realized we put aside a lot of things to be married and take care of child, that have resulted in us being unhappy with things as they are now. Especially me.


I love him, and feel so blessed to know him, but we just can't seem to connect. He hasn't touched me, hugged me.. when I do him it feels unnatural.


Has anyone been through this, did your marriage survive?Best advice for a marriage on the rocks?
Im sorry you're going through this Summer. Your situation sounds very similar to mine.





My husband %26amp; I met %26amp; 5wks later we found out that I was 5wks pregnant!! Throughout the whole pregnancy we experienced sooo many trials. Some of which included us being evicted from my flat (for religious reasons) then he lost his job %26amp; i was on leave - spending my free time with my dad who was fighting cancer %26amp; with my husband having moved to Melbourne literally the day we met - he didnt know anyone here, missed his family %26amp; wanted to move back to NZ.





Under the leadership of our church, we got married when my son turned 2mths (exactly).





Although, at the time, I married him because it was the right thing to do (not because he was the man of my dreams %26amp; was everything i ever wanted in a man!) - I know that God intended marriage to be a unique %26amp; sacred bond between two people. Most days it seems like the arguments %26amp; stress of daily worrie's - never end, yet, because we've worked hard to maintain our relationship, it has made a world of difference.





I too, miscarried in my 2nd pregnancy in August 2008. Although I remained positive about the outcome, I knew that God had a different plan %26amp; because of this, I realized it was another traumatic, depressing %26amp; heart-wrenching obstacle in our marriage we needed to overcome TOGETHER.





My husband %26amp; I are 2 COMPLETELY DIFFERENT PEOPLE in character. I am very outgoing, sociable %26amp; inept. He is a very quiet, introverted %26amp; private person. Because of this, we need to constantly make an EFFORT to communicate to each other.





Our marriage is not perfect. Actually, its quite far from it.





Honestly, we have had so many financial, emotional, mental %26amp; physical hardships that I thought were unbearable %26amp; sometimes still are, but at the end of the day, we both know there is no-one in the world we'd rather share our children %26amp; our lives with, then each other.





BTW, im expecting #2 next week (Aug 21st)





I want to encourage you! Please dont give up. Get a babysitter %26amp; go away for the weekend. Talk eveything over with your husband %26amp; ask him how he feels about things %26amp; tell him exactly how you feel.





Be honest, be strong %26amp; be bold.





Good luck Summer :)





PS. that job will come banging on his door before you know it!Best advice for a marriage on the rocks?
PRAY!
Marriage is not a bed of roses. Yes it was started with love and then the tests start. I was married at a young age (19) my wife (18) and I thought this was the life. When reality set in a couple years later I saw that we or myself I should say was not really prepared for marriage. We grew apart. After 19 yrs of marriage and 2 children we divorced. I was relieved to be away. It was not her fault or mine. We should have waited. Anyway, talk to your husband about how you feel and ask him to go with you to a marriage counselor.


If you were to pick up and go back to your hometown maybe that would help. I don't know how old your child is but remember they are a part of this family also. Sometime it is best to explain things to them for a child knows when there is something wrong.


I am sorry that this has happened to your family. Do the right thing that will benefit you all. Stress is a killer for children as well as adults.


Good luck.
';we have hit a really rough spot in our marriage. My husband was let go from his job about 2 months ago, around the same time we lost a baby.';





Losing a job and a baby is rough, but these things should not pull you apart... they should be bringing you closer!!! A job is a personal issue, so you need to support him while he is searching for a new job... and losing a baby is something both of you lost, so you should rely for comfort and understanding. How can you let this rip you apart when it should only bring you closer!





You have everything to connect over, your just being resentful towards each other based on things you cannot control!





You have each other and a child... so to me, I think you are both acting selfish. You have every reason to be happy, because you have each other and your child... now stop with this pity party, and start loving each other!





Look, he's not cheating, he's not drinking, he's not going out all night and ignoring your family. So to me, he sounds like a lot better husband that most could ask for already. Now be his shoulder to lean on, and open up to him.





I think both of you are taking each other for granted, rather than appreciating each other and loving one another you are allowing outside forces destroy your mood when you are together. If he doesn't come to you first, then you go to him and give him love and caring that he needs you for. You are his wife, your role for him is to be the nurturer, to be the caring and compassionate woman he needs right now. So be it.
Marriage is an ongoing relationship with takes continuous working on, the two of you really need to have a heart to heart talk, and try to rekindle what you had before, it was something about him that captured you, and he saw something in you that appealed to him.


There is so much going on in the world and in people lives which can take an untold turn in a relationship hardship comes upon us all but that is the time to draw strength from each other not to put a division there.





He is not a stranger but your husband that you need to re-connect with mentally, emotionally and physically you are feeling a detachment from him because the communication and feelings are not the same. Marriage is a very special and sacred commitment in times of good and bad just like your vows said, this can work but both of you have to be willing instead of focusing on the negative (I'm not saying that's what you are doing) also think about the good as well.


Sorry about the loss of your baby
You need to stop re-evaluating your marriage and thinking that you should never have been married while you are thinking negatively and feeling negatively...of course your mind will tell you that things are bad because of choices you have made and it will make you think that things would be better ';if';...';if';. and theres no way to know and stupid to think about it. You loved him when you married and back then if anyone suggested that it would be easier to not be married or you would make more money if you did not marry that wouldn't have stopped you. You and he are feeling separated and like different people because you are BUT the same person you married is there somewhere too. Stop, breath, and TALK. You need to talk to each other about something other than money and getting a job and why did we marry and move here. He needs to do whatever he can to get any job...and I mean any. It must be something he likes enough to try and actually starting over at a job will give him many opportunities to feel successful because advancement will be available. You must be happy, truly happy with whatever job he gets and listen and show interest and then add things about your job or whatever in your life you want to talk about. Mutual interest is very important. He is feeling badly about money and probably feeling like a failure so he will probably avoid long conversations with you..don't let that be an issue. Do your best to not dwell on the problems. I do know they are important but so is your relationship. Trust your heart and let it tell you how you would feel if your marriage broke up..think about the love you shared when you decided to marry...its still there. 4 years isn't that long...still a new marriage. Accept your sad events and go on and create happy ones. Do simple things..take your daughter to the park and just be happy with no talk of finances but of nice pleasant things. Remember back when you wanted to have sex with him and go out alone with him and kiss him and hug him and start the fire before you get home..really helps. You have to stop worrying and live.
Here's the deal: When something goes wrong in your home, it's really difficult to blame the paperboy. When something happens in your marriage, it's really hard to blame the guy down at the gas station. Why is that?


Because everything that happens within a marriage is the fault of both spouses! And the nature of selfishness is that one will rarely take the blame even when it's blatant!


When all the blame gets shifted over to the other spouse, bitterness ensues, then resentment and finally anger. And the real root of all that is from pain. There is a pain that comes into the marriage and that strain, unless it is confronted and resolved through mutual forgiveness will fester until the only solution is separation and divorce.


Marriage is not about love for love will wane in the fire of daily living. Marriage is all about commitment, honoring and forgiveness. This is all. When you stop the blame game and start accepting your troubles as your own - you will see your spouse in a whole new light.





Your husband has become a stranger because he is not equipped to do the deep, intimate work of interpersonal communication that women excel at. His usually action in this is to ';flee'; and you're left standing by yourself. And your path to marital intimacy is wrecked again. For most men, their path to intimacy is through sexual union. You deny him this and you are both ';cut off';. He stops the words when you stop the sex. Or it can go back the other way, but you both have to understand the truth of how men and women work.





Christian?


Take a new stand against the evil one in your marriage. Your husband is not the enemy. You started out in utter love and that is gone. What do you want to base your marriage on now?
The things you guys have been through is the biggest reason for your marriage is the way it is now. God is giving us all a test. He wouldn't put nothing on us through nothing that we couldn't handel on our own. Give him time and yourself time as well. Try doing something nice for him and don't put any stress because you guys already have tons of it. I say a year from now you guys will find your way. Go back into time when you 1st met and then you will remember why you two were married . God Bless..