Thank you so much for your help. Advice for possibly being in a verbal abusive marriage?
Prayer is the first thing you can do. There is an inner peace that comes from communication with God that puts you in such a special place that it doesnt matter how he acts. Secondly, my mom always said that kind words turn away wrath. As badly as you want to feel justified, don't even correct his bad behavior. Let him vent and walk away. Later on, during your next encounter, be sweet as if nothing ever happen. Do not give him the power of controlling your emotions. Trust me it is hard, when you hold the words in, it may feel like you just swallowed rusty nails, but in time (Depending on how stubborn he is, it may take longer or less time), you will see a change.
I'm telling you what I know, not what I heard. It works. I'll send up a prayer for you. Advice for possibly being in a verbal abusive marriage?
for starters: If he doesn't love your daughter, he doesn't love you, he doesn't accept you as you are and with what you have. Don't you think your daughter's life and love is more important than a man who's constantly trying to push you away...????
And for the holiday season, try to spend it half with your parents (who really love you) and half with your husband. Think about your daughter, not about you.
It sounds like your family is right. You are in a Abusive marriage. Get out. He should never use your child for means to start a argument!! He needs help. He is trying to have you all to himself so he can say and do as he pleases... Stay strong, remember who you are, and demand Respect. If he can not give that to you and your child. Than Leave!!
You are the smart one here. Your trying to compromise and add fuel to the fire without even trying...it's best to leave a relationship that is uselss and full of headaches. Wouldn't you want to be loved and cared for instead of this crap? Then why not give someone else a try that is willing to make your life happier?
My first question to you is why are you with a man that blames your child for anything? Yes you are in a abusive relationship and you should leave now, he has classic signs just from what little you've told us. Your first responsibility is to your child and you are on the verge of failing that miserably.
Ya, sounds like he tries to manipulate and control you. Girl, if you're not happy, please get out now. I lived with that for 10 years before I got out, and you should have seen the fury when I did...everyone else's fault and he really put me through hell just to end the relationship. And he still tries. (We have a 6 year old child)
Get out sooner rather than later. You deserve happiness, just as much (if not more) than he does. Don't sacrifice yours for his...please!!!
I went thru the same thing,in my first marriage pretty much. He never anted to spend time with our and me. or my family. He cheated on me told me iI was fat and that it was my fault. Move on get a divorce, you deserve to be happy. You don not need to be in a un happy marriage. He knew you had a kid it was his choice to have her in his life. I met my 2nd husband and he loves my son as his own. Good luck
Oh my goodness......I cant believe that he blames you daughter for that. Thats horrible. You have to rty to stay positive, have you tried telling him what youve told us? Maybe he'll understand. I think that counsling is a great idea.
Just remember that its not your fault,nor is it that fault of your daughter, make sure she knows that!
I hope it gets better, and try to have a Merry Christmas : )
you are in a abusive marriage, but, from some of the things you have explained, he may have Bipolar disorder, he needs medication, try and explain to him, that he gets upset for no reason and my need to see a doctor, if he refuses then, LEAVE, it will only get worse, Trust me,
He sounds like a spoiled child, I have a lot more problems with my health than he has and I don't let that be an excuse for treating friends and family bad. If you belong to a church you might talk to your pastor. For sure talk to a counselor as soon as you can. Good luck
Your husband has severe mental problems and doesnt make any sense!!!! He blames your daughter? Just what in the world does she have to do with his problems anyway? Sounds to me like he is not just an abusive bastard but is such a psychotic guy.
i hope the counseling helps. If he is physically hurting you and your daughter, maybe you could stay with your mom and dad for a while and explain to him why and how you feel. i'm sorry things are going well.
good luck
not good.. how long did you all date before you got married? how old are you?
yes...LEAVE!!
NOW....
you have been decieved, but if you STAY...you will become a fool!!!
If it makes you feel better, this is very common. Abusive people never act abusive from the beginning. The lure you in. You are one of millions!
Now what to do-- you owe it to your daughter to protect her from this. That means you need to put your foot down. NOW. This can have a very negative impact on your kid to be treated this way. It is wrong. You need to send your kid to a babysitter or relative, then sit your husband down and talk to him. Tell him how his actions are making you and your daughter feel. Tell him the verbal abuse has to stop. Then ask him to go to a marriage counselor with you. In fact, make the appointment ahead of time and if he refuses to go, go yourself. Often the fact you are going anyway will compel a man to go so you are not talking about him behind his back. Don't ask him to go. Tell him he is going... and if he refuses, go without him... and call an attorney. Again, you owe it to your daughter to protect her from this.
It CAN get better. But only if you make it. He won't change on his own. In fact, statistics show that it will get worse and worse until you take action.
Good luck!
I am sorry that you are in this situation. It doesn't look like it is a possibility that he is verbally abusive - it's a reality. Blaming your daughter is so detrimental to her well being, esteem, worth - especially if you allow it. In the future, she is likely to repeat these same relationships and I am sure that you don't want that.
It is so much easier to say than to do, but I feel it is imperitive that you leave him. Verbal abuse sometimes can lead to physical. Although verbal abuse is bad enough! For you and for your daughter - LEAVE!
Perhaps you should have the best holiday surrounded by those who truly love you and want the best for you. Go to your mum's and dad's with your daughter. Leave him behind. This could be your first step to freedom and self values!
Be strong. Think of your daughter.
He as well needs to attend the counseling sessions with you. Maybe he needs to hear from a professional what his verbal abuse is doing to you and your daughter.
Your parents choosing to shut themselves out from spending Christmas with you and your daughter because of him is giving him exactly what he wants. They need to ignore his bad and be a part of your life again.
Stand up to him and let him know you have had it. You will not in any certain terms tolerate his abuse toward you or your daughter any longer. He needs to know you have reached your limit, Christmas time or not. Then go, go spend the holiday's with your family and be happy and get your daughter out of the abusive relationship.
You need to do some serious thinking while hearing what this counselor says to you and try to determine what is important in your life besides trying to live with the abuse. Your daughter from your previous marriage does not deserve it. She is your main concern, then you.
It sounds like he's having a pity party for himself. Blaming everyone else is a reaction to guilt. He's got something going on and it does not appear to have anything to do with you. Your child is a child and there is nothing she could do that should cause him to act like one himself. He needs to deal with whatever is bothering him. He clearly feels threatened by everyone else and is taking it out on you. Insecure. Ask him what is bothing him. It sounds like he's depressed. Fibromyalgia would do that. Getting him to stop is a whole other story. He may not be willing to deal. He needs a therapist - I'm sure that's the last thing you want to hear. You cannot fix him - trust me - he has to do it himself.
I'm sorry that you're in such a tough situation. I think its good that you are going to talk to someone, hopefully it will help. Its also good that you realize that he is making excuses and blaming other people for his bad behavior. As for the holidays, is it possible for you and your daughter to spend a few hours with your parents on either Christmas Eve or Christmas without bringing you husband along?
If not then I guess the best you can do is try to put on a happy face and try to get into the holiday spirit for your daughter's sake. Try not to dwell on your husband's behavior. Maybe do some fun holiday projects with your daughter like baking cookies or something like that.
I wish you the best of luck and I really hope you have a good holiday season.
First you have to come to the conclusion that it either is, or isn't a verbally abusive relationship. I'm assuming since you think it may be, the it probably is.
Verbal abuse is just as destructive as physical and emotional abuse and needs to be treated the same way. Your husband first has to get to the point that he will admit that he has a problem before it can be fixed. The next step would be for both of you to go to counseling and to get to the bottom of why he is abusive. For now you need to do whatever you can to protect yourself and your daughter. Realize that the problem is him and speak with your counselor about what you can do. If he refuses to get help and make this situation better, then you may have to move on to a trial separation, until he sees that the way he is treating you is not o.k.
Abuse is a cycle that has to be broken. It isn't easy and will take a lot of work on both parts. I stayed in an abusive relationship with my first husband for 15 years until I finally gave up on any change. Some people will just never change no matter what they lose. Still to this day (13 years later) he blames me for taking his family away. I hope you have better results. Good Luck!
WOW!! First whatever he's going through it's internal, you can't accept the blame and you can't fix him he will have to do it himself. He brought his problems into the relationship with him. The only reason the courtship was so nice is because you was able (as a new person in his life) to take his mind off of whatever negative ailments that he himself refuses to deal with. The only thing that's weighing so heavy on you is you promised to go through the good and bad times when you married him and that's almost irreversible. I suggest you focus more on your daughter and yourself to have a pleasant holiday, you really owe that much to your daughter. When you married him that kinda moved your parents aside a bit so you really shouldn't stress over their opinion so much because that's like taking on everybody's happiness and contentment for the holiday and that's too much!! I'm running out of room so I hope I helped...GOODLUCK!!
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