My marriage needs help. Advice for nudging a husband into a responsible person?

My hubby is usually five minutes late for work every day. If it snows he takes an extra twenty minutes and arrives half an hour late. Now, mind you half of his office is this way too, so he doesn't get in trouble (I know this to be true, I have dropped him off before and if he arrives ';on time'; to work there is just about no one there). I don't know about the snow issue though. Anyway, his boss tells him that he needs to work harder, but he tells me this is because he is the new guy and everybody there has to go through it. He got caught playing music on his cell phone at work and got in trouble the other day, only god knows what I DON'T hear about, you know? I feel as though I married a very irresponsible person, as though I missed the warning signs (he worked for his dad before and thus didn't get in trouble for anything, etc). I don't want a divorce, I love my husband. We've been together for several years. He is only 23 and this makes me wonder if he'll change later on?My marriage needs help. Advice for nudging a husband into a responsible person?
If everyone else is late at work, then it must be acceptable. Some jobs are like that - The boss doesn't really care as long as the work gets done. I wouldn't worry about it, but would explain to him that his job is very important to you and you need him to keep it. So long as he's working and bring in money, let him worry about how best to handle it.





He is only 23 and I assume you are just as young. You both have many years ahead. You should do goal setting. Each of you write down your goals for the next 1-5 years. Be specific and put a time-frame on each goal. You can compare your lists and see clearly if you are both on the same path. If your goals are more aggressive than his, you can try to discuss it with him, but you need to remember that you will not be able to change him. At least you will know what you've got and will be able to project where you're going. That is, a surprise now is much much better than a surprise in 5 or 10 years.





Good Luck!My marriage needs help. Advice for nudging a husband into a responsible person?
he will not change. some people are born hard workers and others work only as hard as they have to to get by. your hubby is one of the latter. chances are he will always be this way and he will always have a job that will let him get away with this because those will be the only jobs that he can keep.
You can't make someone else behave. If he asks, you can tell him what you would do in a situation from your experience. If he asks, you can offer him advice on how he should handle things that might pop-up at work. But you can't make him behave or ';grow-up';, he'll have to do that all on his own. It might mean that he loses a couple of jobs before he figures out that being late to work everyday isn't acceptible.
He is immature and lazy. You need to get professional help for him before this becomes a pattern and he loses one job after another. He is purposely trying to screw up and you both need to find out why. Talk to a professional marriage counselor.
You exclude what he does.


I think he needs to work on the time issue, but everything else sounds nominal.


Honestly, I don't tell my fiancee everything about my work either. Mostly because she wouldn't understand most of it, and explaining what I really do each day would give me a headache.


If most of the office is the same way, though, he's obviously not getting diciplined for the late arrivals.


However...His boss telling him to work harder is of concern. He's obviously not performing up to par. Did he bite off more than he can chew in taking this job? These things happen.
Be nicer to him...have sex with him more often. Don't bother him with your thoughts and ideas. Make him feel like he is the king.
are you trying to be his mom or his wife?





this could just be the way he is. sounds like the little effort that he puts forth has been acceptable behavior in the past, with no consequences otherwise. so he's comfortable. and what man wants to make things uncomfortable for himself? unless you want to start mothering him and/or tricking him (like setting all the clocks and alarms earlier, checking up on him at work, striking up a deal with his boss to get him into high gear, etc). bottom line, it's really up to your husband. perhaps he really hasn't grown up yet, or he hasn't quite sorted out his ';bliss'; for life, career, etc. who knows. but i'd leave it up to him, and tell his boss to sort things out for himself because you aren't the man's mother.
To: Everyone on Earth


From: Life


Date: Eternity


Re: Change








People don't change unless they want to change. You can NOT change a person. The best predictor of future behavior is past behavior.





Please forward this memo to anyone who might have missed it at birth.





Thank you.
let him make his own mistakes... he'll figure it out real quick
Old habits die hard honey and he's definitely not going to change over night. Just do what you can to help him become more responsible, like waking him up a little earlier so that he can get out the door in time. Talk to him and make suggestions so that he doesn't find himself out of a job. Best wishes
He is not going to change and I bet anything if he gets fired he will sit home and do nothing! You will be the one supporting him. You had better think carefully about this marriage! Not sure if you have kids...but if you don't...do not have any! You will be raising the kids and a husband.
Why dont you geta job and stop expecting him to be your provider.
If you've been together ';several'; years and he's only 23 maybe your should've waited to marry him until you both grew up.
Wow, If I didn't know any better I would say we have the same hubby. (Mine is 40 though)





He will only correct his attendance if he is discliplined by his job into it.





It's too bad that being responsible is not a priorty to him.
If he is only 23 there is a chance he will grow up, but I don't know if it is wise to wait around for that to happen. He probably feels safe at work because it sounds as though he works in a pretty laid back environment. Unfortunately, if you are the new guy, you have to work twice as hard. You have to earn the right to stroll in late. Good luck.
No chance of change!