Need some advice for a young and new marriage?

I'm 18 and my husband is 20. We got married in early April of this year, so we are a fairly new couple.


I moved across the country for him because he is in the army, and we got married. We do love each other very much but we are both still immature sometimes.





Ive dated a lot of people and have been pretty screwed over... and now I'm not used to someone wanting me, so when he says he loves me... its hard for me to always believe that.


I told him about this and told him I'm working on it and he is very supportive with it... but here is some situations that make me feel uneasy and want to go back home.





I paid for my court wedding which was 60 dollars, and my plane ticket to come back out because he had no money left from his check cause he paid for my hotels and other stuff for the week I came right before I came back...


Well it still bothers me deep down that I had to pay for everything... he doesnt ever surprise me with things, he never really proposed or got me an engagement ring, cause this was all very sudden... but the man doesnt even buy me a flower. Never has. I told him I dont feel special sometimes, because he seemed to do a lot for his ex but not me.... and we just got married.





We fight a few times a week about stuff he says hes going to do but doesnt. I try to cut him some slack because I know he works, but its important things. Like we still have a semi empty apartment and we got it on April 10th. I just feel like I'm here to make him happy and thats it. Ive told him about this as well... and how theres days when I wanna go home and he'd just get mad and say hes a failure. I try to be mature and talk bout it instead of arguing but he gets jumpy and all worked up.





In the past couple of weeks hes been pretty secretive with his phone too. He'll keep it next to him at all times on viberate, which he really never did before. So last night he was in the shower and it was on the counter. I didnt wanna snoop but I was feeling like something was up... well he had texted a girl from back home he used to know, but they never really talked. The text was sent out on Sunday at 1:30 am... Saying ';this is bulls*t'; and thats the only one besides a ';hey


'; text. I know who she is, never met her but I know the situation and that they were friends... but it worried me because I asked him about another girl he had texted a few weeks ago and it ended up being someone else he went to school with, and I know that as well...





Well I confronted him about the text and I said ';I dont want to be nosey, but this worried me when it was at 1:30 in the morning when we were relaxing... you must of got up and texted her'; and he was like '; I just said that cause I missed her graduating from college and I couldnt be there'; then I said ';at 1:30 in the morning...'; and he told me she goes to work at 4:30 and with the time difference it was 4:30 there... well the place she works, I wouldnt be surprised... it doesnt look like she responded back... but it just worried me cause he never really talked to them when he dated or first got married.





I just feel like he is trying to get attention more or less from those girls. I know hes not cheating on me. For one they are thousands of miles away, and they dont talk that much. But I just wish he kinda told me hes been talking to old friends. I would of been completely fine with that... it just hurt me finding out on my own, and when he has full access to my phone and he knows exactly who I talk to.





I'm just not sure if I am overreacting. I know he loves me, we both try very hard to get used to everything with being married and young. And we do good. We make up after we talk it out, and we have a healthy physical relationship too. I just feel hurt when he doesnt really think about everything Ive been through to be with him. Leaving family, friends, and coming out here and getting married and now I feel like I have to be his mother and a naggy wife and I dont want to be that.





Any advice? Thank you so much, I'm really hurt.Need some advice for a young and new marriage?
I know you dont want to think that you age has anything to do with it but you put that you've dated alot of people so I wonder how long you knew your husband before you married him. Making the transition from single, surrounded by family and friends, to married and isolated must be stressful enough. Your husband should understand that its bad enough you dont have your support system, but its taking away from your marriage when he gives his attention to those other women, whether or not there is anything going on. It sounds like he may be feeding off of the attention from there. There may be valid, acceptable reasons that he is communicating with them, but at 1:30 am, its not really appropriate. Marriage is hard work and adjusting to living with someone is especially hard if you havent had much time to get to know them and their habits and quirks. Try to address any situations that make you uncomfortable as they happen, and be decent and level headed about it and encourage him to do the same. I hope that once you both get to know and understand each other better, that it becomes easier to remember what it was that attracted you to each other and made you want to get married. Otherwise, consider it a learning experience.Need some advice for a young and new marriage?
$10 says they're divorced by the end of the year
I couldn't make it past the first paragraph.....


If you cant believe that he loves you why the hell did you marry him... OH YEAH, you are 18 that's why!
We all make mistakes. If you're not happy with him and he is seeking his business elsewhere already, I would end this marriage sooner rather then later. Sorry.





Go back to your home town. Get into therapy and work on your self esteem, so you'll attract a more loving partner next time. Good luck!
I think you are both too young and immature to get married but if you do want to make it work, you should not be surprised that he's wanting attention from other girls when you're always threatening to leave. He doesn't feel secure in your love either, because you keep threatening to go away. So, if you want him to stop networking just in case you won't be around tomorrow, treat him like you're going to be around tomorrow. Good luck.
so you got married before you were sure you really loved him and that he loved you? your upset because he never spent money on you before you got married nor after. why did you marry him in the first place? did you get knocked up by the guy and that's why you two got married? it seems to me the two of you shouldn't have gotten married in the first place.
I'm assuming that you moved to an area that is unfamiliar to you, and the only person you really know is your husband. This can be difficult for a newlywed, and also for someone as young as you. It can seem lonely.





I would suggest that you take up a hobby to distract you from this, and hopefully find a group or community to meet new people.








Also, you're not the only person to have an impromptu wedding without an engagement ring. This doesn't define the marriage. If you want more romance then plan a date night out. It sounds like money might be an issue, so make it simple. You can initiate it by cooking a nice meal, having romantic candles, and then discussing how you would want more spontaneous time with each other in the future.





In regards to the text messages, it is ok to bring this problem into the light. He needs to know that you want full disclosure about these friendships, and secrets will only bring suspicion. In case you didn't know, an emotional affair does not need the physical presence of the other person to distance your hubby.
I agree with the Pittbull but I finished reading EVERYTHING you wrote. It sounds to me like you never should have married someone you aren't sure about. You say that you would have been fine about your husband texting this other girl if he would have told you about it first. You snooped and found out that nothing really was said. Didn't you feel like a fool? Quit makeing a mountain out of a grain of sand. You are just makeing up lame excuses because you want to go home. Go home for crying out loud. Quit complaining about haveing to pay for things. He has dished out money for you before. Also, now that you are married it is no longer your money it belongs to the both of you.You never had to leave your family and friends. I'm sure that this guy dosen't want you to be his mother or his naggy wife either.
Have u tried makin him special. Sometimes we ask people to give and complain so much but we dont see were are we makin mistakes. Sometimes we dont realize how somethin that we find unsignificant can hurt someone else. when a couple starts argueing it both fault. if u get angry control it and if u have somethin 2 say, say it when ur both calm and talk with the heart. Men are very difrent from women IN THE WAY THEY EXPRESS THEIR FEELINGS. BUT STAY CALM AND IF U KNOW HE AINT CHEATIN TRUST HIM. remember, if its pure love that ur feelin dont let fears and probs ruin it. Right now me and my husband are takin a break cause WE LET THAT HAPPEN. I`m 20 and he is 20. i WAS DEVASTATED BUT I GAVE MY HEART 2 GOD and even though we`re not together yet i know evrythin will just be fine and i`m calm.
if he doesnt have any $ to buy anything, then he cant buy anything. If he is talking to any local chics, I'd ditch him. It truely doesnt sound like he puts too much effort in, not even to work it out.
Sorry I can't read all that now... but I can give you some generic (but still meaningul advice).


Set up for you (i.e. referring to ';him'; your husband).





- always try to be the woman that he would marry again in a heartbeat





- live FOR him, not WITH him





- there will be times where you have to give more than you get





- find little ways to show him you love him often. OFTEN.





- do not punish





- do not lie





- do not give the silent treatment





- he is always your #1





- remain his girlfriend, not just his wife





- sex. do it. a lot. tired or not. say yes more often than no.





- let the little things slide





- recognize that some things will not change (like him leaving him underwear on the bathroom floor)





- do not compete





- do not contradict each other with respect to future children. be a united front





- do not hide money. agree on everything for money. plan for your future.





- especially at your young age, ask for guidance from parents or other older people you trust. don't be so stubborn that you let your life fall apart due to pride





- friends are #2 from now on
woah way too much information but after reading ur first few paragraphs it sounds like u lowered your standards for this man and there for you will never be happy because you know that you deserve better. from the issues u describe i do not think u should even be dating.
You seem pretty mature to me despite your age, and you have a good idea of what is going on, congratulations.





Your husband might be taking you for granted. I strongly recommend marriage counseling, because whatever you may tell him will not sink in because it will be coming from you. It seems like if someone else is giving advice, he might listen.





As for the engagement ring or not, it should not matter as long as you are together. If you would feel really loved it would not matter, but I understand why this bother you, since all the rest is not how it should be.





I have had an ex like him... always unhappy with has he has, always looking at other girls, never satisfied.





Now I am happily married - finally.
i think he wishes he had her but he has you, for free sex, instead, if he never romances you then your relationship is all about the sex, as far as he is concerned. if he treated her differently then she was the love of his life. this isn't nice to say but this is how i feel about your marraige. typical young marrieds in the army. ''this is b.s.'' means his life sucks without her. [them being physically separated]


it has zero to do with her graduation.